A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my partner now for about 6 years. We’ve lived together for 4 years, but are not married, and no kids. We even survived him going overseas for 6 months. I love him to bits, I identify with his quirkiness, and we have so much in common. And before you start suggesting reasons, our sex life is great. However I’m a very social, extroverted and openly affectionate person, and he’s not. It has caused me frustration in the past, and he knows I’d like him to be more affectionate. He does try but finds it hard. I know he loves me, but sometimes I don’t feel as loved as I want to. He works a lot, and spends a lot of his spare time on his hobbies (mostly out in the shed), whereas I’d rather be spending it with him, or catching up with friends together. But that aside, we love each other and have some great times together. I’ve always imagined spending the rest of my life with him, and could never have imagined cheating on him.Chapter 2. I work in a male dominated industry, so a lot of my work friends are guys. There’s one in particular that I’ve always got along really well with. We have a lot in common, but different stuff to what I have in common with my partner, and get along fantastically. Could talk all day and night. He has the same work ethic as me, in that he’d rather be hanging out chatting. We spend a lot of time together. After a work dinner we all went out for drinks afterwards and I was having a great time, but my boyfriend decided he’d rather be alone than socialising and left. That night I ended up kissing my work friend, and it’s happened numerous times since then. I’ve tried on numerous occasions to stop it, but keep slipping into it. We haven’t slept together, because to me that’s the point of no return, but I really like him, I love hanging out with him and it’s gotten quite romantic. He seems to fulfil all the things that my partner doesn’t.I know I’m being completely selfish and that none of this is positive for anyone involved. It’s not fair on my partner and it’s not fair on my “friend”. But I can’t figure out what it is I want. They both give me different things and I have such strong feelings for both of them. I’ve been trying to decide whether I’m really happy with my partner without bringing my feelings for my friend into it, so I don’t end up resenting him for breaking us up, but it’s so hard to isolate my emotions, they’re all a mess at the moment. This is not something I thought I’d ever be asking advice on, I’m racked with guilt but I just don’t know which path to take. Is this just an indication that I need to put more effort into my relationship? Am I expecting too much of my partner? I know no-one can be perfect but I’m afraid he’ll only get more isolated as he gets older and I won’t get the companionship I need. Is my attraction and connection to my friend an indication that I’m not happy and should move on? Or is it just a selfish grab for affection?What do I do? How do I decide what I want? I don't want to keep messing everyone around.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): It's the confused culprit here. I've decided that although I really like boy #2, I'm going to stop seeing him until I've made my mind up about boy #1. So I can decide whether or not I'm really happy in my current situation without being swayed by something new and exciting. I only hope I can figure out if I'm happy enough to stay or not! I guess nobody's perfect but how much imperfection do you put up with until it's too much?
A
female
reader, Basschick +, writes (2 February 2009):
 You are still single so you still have choices. It could be that you have outgrown b/f #1 and it does appear that you both want different things out of life. It may be that b/f #2 is more suited for you. You're young. It's best to figure this stuff out before you commit to marriage with anyone. Just be frank with b/f #1 and break it off. Do not continue to try to see the other one behind he's back. It's best to do the right thing and just break up with the first guy and see what develops with #2. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): I understand what you going throughI have been with my boyfriend for 6 years as well, we’ve been living together since I was 16, I know that’s a bit young, but under my circumstances, I didn’t really have another option, but I do not regret that at all, it’s the most important decision I ever had to make and today I can say it was my best. Why do you think people say Opposites attract? My dear coz they do, you say you just cant ignore your emotions for your colleague, angel all you are feeling there is excitement and lust, this guy got you excited, and perhaps if you end up sleeping with him you will realize that it was only lust for what you couldn’t have, and nothing more, but would you rather wanna ruin your relationship with your current boyfriend to prove to yourself that you are still desired and hot? Angel I really know how you are feeling, I did the same thing on a night out with the girls, I just wanted to have that attention again, I wanted to feel that guys could still look at me and wana fuck me, even though I did not want that from them, but I wanted that desire, so I danced with a guy and his friend a bit toooooo close…. I could feel how hot I was making them and I loved it, and as the song ended and I reached for my drink, I saw my man there just staring at me, I cannot begin to describe what it feels like to be looking into those eyes and know that all the hurt in them is because of me, I knew right then that I coulve prevented his pain, I knew then that it wasn’t worth it, those guys didn’t have anything on my man, he was gorgeous and everything I ever dreamt of, yea I felt hot, but the feeling I feel when I am alone in my room with my man was so much more rewarding than what I was feeling right then.I hated myself for doing this to him, doing this to us but I couldn’t change it. I wouldn’t want you to go through the same experience and pain as what I did coz a mistake like that could destroy every thing you worked for, for over six years, search your sole dear, and if you love your boyfriend, tell the other guy it over, and focus on what you have, you are only this attracted because its like a forbidden fruit, something you shouldn’t be wanting or doing, and that is the pull you feel dear, I really dint think its lust and I really don’t think you should take that chance unless you are 110 % sure that you would be able to live with the consequences, good or bad, its your decision dear, but if I could I would go back to that club and never ever have danced with those guys, I know it wasn’t worth it and I regret it, and dear it already sounds like you are having regrets, I cant tell you what to do, coz I cant hear your heart speaking only you can, so listen to your heart, and listen good coz it wont lie to you.Good luck
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