A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm stuck in a situation that has me emotionally drained and I feel totally paralysed mentally. So I moved 3 months ago to a new city with my partner.This year has been really tough for me because my partner lied to me, hurt me and completely broke my trust twice. I'm trying to work through things and rebuild trust but it's proving difficult. Instead of reassuring me he gets angry and defensive. I want to give the relationship a chance.However I'm finding that the relationship is affecting other parts of my life. I just got a full time job, starting a online business and studying towards a qualification. My course requires me to be away from home for 3 days a month but I'm so scared of leaving my partner alone in case he does something to hurt me again . I find myself checking his phone all the time. I've put off going to the course because I just don't trust him. I feel so trapped and scared. How do I sort this out?Also how do I juggle a full time job, Education and a online business? I would like for my online business to replace my job one day? I don't know how to move my life fforward when I'm stuck thinking about wether or not my partner is lying or hurting me again
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2015): Moving to be with your partner has had exactly the opposite effect to what you wanted.Its been short, sweet and brutal.Its caused changes in your behaviour and he is one smug little bunny while you are one unhappy little bunny.Time to dig yourself a new burrow and let him find someone else to drive crazy.Can you get out of the lease.You need to think of cutting yourself free even if you have to put everything in the car and hire a van and sail back to where you were before.But what if pride wont let you.Well then you will stay frozen like a frightened animal in the headlights of an oncoming car.You know the words"Its not working out..I'm loosing my ambition..I'm not happy in this house..I'm loosing myself respect etc"If you feel youve got nothing to loose and plenty of time on your hands then just change your mind frame and figure your plans from there.Toughen up and think of you.Renew your plans.Do the things you want to do.Sit down and figure out what you want out of life.Its all looking like a precarious dream..maybe you mistrust the guy so much now that you secretly think he will change the locks and nick your stuff while moving someone in whist youre on three day residential..So start checking now how to file a claim in a small claims court..catch up a bit on judge judy who tries to figure out who's taking who to the cleaners.Would she be saying to you in her smart voice " do you think i'm here because i'm gorgeous?"Or would she be saying it to a smirking him.No, she is there because she is smart,not gorgeous.Beauty is for now but dumb is forever!So think practical, dont think puppet.Has he become your pupetteer?Does he owe you money?Will you owe him money if you move elsewhere before the lease is up.Figure it out..you have hitched your wagon to a toad not a prince and you should be smart enough to know that.
A
female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (18 November 2015):
 I completely agree with Wise Owl- you have a lot of talent, ambition and DRIVE which most people dont have- why SELL YOURSELF SHORT for this hack??To make you this paranoid, anxious and upset, after ABUSING your trust TWICE- means he ISNT worth your emotion- there is literally NO excuse you can make for him- he didnt make a mistake, he consciously DECIEVED AND LIED TO YOU- TWICE??? WTF?? People of good character and moral calibre DONT behave like this, so take whatever tinted glasses you have on off- no excuses for him! I think people put up with sh*tty partners because these partners grind you down to the point you have less self- worth, so youre emotionally dependent on them- when they play up, you just get scared theyre going to reject you, like youre in their power! He's got you wrapped around his finger and that's why you feel trapped... that's kindof what I've experienced/ observed from close friends...This is 2015- youre a driven FREE women- this rat is just your kryptonite- you need to really get it together and be STRONG. NO GOOD can come from him!The hardest part is breaking free, like pulling out on a busy roundabout, but you just have to GRIT your teeth and do it... If you stay with him you WILL squander everything youve WORKED FOR. Youre not ignorant or impoverished- youre a RESOURCEFUL go-getting woman, just dont let him ruin you... II read something another agony aunt said and found it just hit the nail on the head- people will only do their damage and treat you how you LET them treat you- you DO have the power... just give yourself a slap and realise that!Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2015): You need to dump him and focus on your education and your business. He's not trustworthy, and you're neglecting your dreams and ambitions for what?!!!
You don't stay with men you can't trust. How are you trying to rebuild trust? Just by sticking around and hoping he behaves himself, or will miraculously change?
Have a backbone and leave him. You've already given up too much for him; now you're losing all sense of your priorities. You have to support yourself. You can't depend on him for that. You're a mess while you're away, because all your thoughts are centered on what he's doing.
Grow-up. Put your life first and get your sh*t together.
Why do people cling to untrustworthy people until they develop trust-issues with everyone who comes thereafter? It makes no sense!
Break it off now, before you flunk out of school; and your business goes under. He's not worth it, after you've displaced yourself, gave up your previous job, can't concentrate on your education, can't do your business travel, and you're a hot mess for it. Oh, and you've stooped to phone-snooping.
Seriously? Do you thrive on drama, or what?
Show some strength woman! Kick that asshat to the curb, and get on with your life. Don't end-up going home beat-down and defeated. This is an opportunity for growth; he's proving you're focusing your energy in the wrong direction.
He's a drain on your energy, cut him loose!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 November 2015):
 You should never put your life on hold or revolve your life around a man, especially a man who you can't trust. 3 days out of a month is nothing. It sounds like you are the only one rowing the boat too. It's possible to juggle a job, education and online business, provided that you have a worthy partner who does not increase your stress level. I think you should leave him.
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