A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I will go crazy if i don't air my feelings right now as no one around me has the time to listen. I feel so down today. The company I work with is giving me a promotion which is a very big responsibility and I feel that I am not ready for it. They didn't tell me formally about this but I have been told already by my peers about it and I have started the training. I feel so helpless and wanted to refuse the promotion but I might lose my present job if I do so. I want to scream that I couldn't do anything but follow what they want. Another thing, i needed to find a place to move this week. Just thinking about finding another house, moving the things and the amount it will cost me is giving me headache evrynight. I have no energy left for these things as in my work I am already being sucked up.I just want to sleep and never wake up.Of all these things that are happening, I so want to contact my ex who I have been broken up with for 4 months already. The last time we talk was about the money he has to return to me which he said he really will and even swore to God he will really pay it. But he keeps delaying the payment. He said to me he will pay me this end of Aug but till now I havent heard from him. I told him that knowing he will pay me for sure at this time, we will have to close our communication and finally say goodbye. But inside me, I just said it coz I know it's better for me to pretend I am happy now with my life just to make him realize that I don't want to ever talk to him anymore if there is no chance of us getting back together. He is using this money issue to talk to me and yet, he sticks to his decision to be broken up with me. I simply can't play this mind games anymore. Us both saying we dont need each other and him even asking me not to contact him but he contacts me just to tell me when he pays even if I said to him to forget it. Then he delays it. I don't know exactly what goes on in his head why he does this.With all my problems, I am aching to contact him. He is the only one who listens to me and gives me assurance about things. He has something that makes me calm down. I needed sex and he asked for it the last time we saw each other but I said no because even if I need it, i dont want him to think I can give him that as we are already broken up. Should I contact him now? What will I do? I feel like I am at a cliff and would fall any minute. Any advise will do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to you Pinktopaz.
You really make me feel better having said these things. I feel like I have more confidence now to set things straight with my ex. Really, the only hard part is I guess I haven't really let go of him in my mind. Why is it very hard to accept that we are over. Sometimes, I just wake up in the morning and still cannot believe it. And this issue about the money is adding to the problem. It is dragging me more to him instead of moving on, if this has been been settled a long time ago, maybe things are different now.
Thanks a lot dear!!
A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (2 September 2009):
As far as getting over him, it's always no contact. Even if it is supposed to be as "just friends." You can't be friends until after you're over him. Even once you're over him, you may not even care one way or another if you're his friend. So I think you should get the money situation out of the way, tell him that you absolutely need the money by whatever date, if he does not give you the money by a certain time on that date, let him know that if he fails to repay you, that you will take him to small claims court. If you can, before mentioning anything about court, see if you can come up with a promisary note that indicates how much he owes you and when it is to be paid back that he will have sign (which will mean you have to see him, but stay strong), that way if you do end up taking him to court, you will no doubt get your money.
I know you just want it to be over with and think that you'll just let him keep the money, but I don't think you should let him walk all over you like that. I really think you should get your money back that you let him borrow.
Once that's all taken care of, work just on yourself. We all hit rough patches in our life, and right now you're going through one of those. It will get better, I promise.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Pinktopaz!
I feel so alone and helpless. It's really difficult working where I am now as this place provides me good money but with no one whom I can share my life with. I have agreed to have a relationship with my boyfriend a year ago as we both needed someone. He is alone too and told me we could be together for as long as it takes.
We broke up as we realized we don't know how to end our relationship, we cant get married as his religion is different and I said I wont convert. So it was useless to continue.
And yet it was harder than I thought. I am still suffering now from the loss. We almost got back in July but next night he said it is not a good idea to get back together. And I cried and cried but let go of him within a week. A couple of weeks after that I reminded him about the money and wanted him to pay so I can move on with my life. He kept delaying it. When I told him to just forget it and I will consider it as charity, he kept on messaging despite that I ignored him and he said he will pay me this date and that.
I miss him but want to move on. Why doesnt he just pay me? I know he can pay me in a flash as what he used to do before. If he wants me to move on as he said so, why keep me hanging like this?
I am suffering in my work, i have to find a house ASAP, i need money and still I am broken hearted with him. I am getting hopeless with my life. How do I get over this? How should I solve this?
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (1 September 2009):
Honestly, I think if you contact him for comfort--in the long run, it will only make you feel worse and even more stressed out than you already are. He's being wishy washy and giving you mixed signals, and I think if you try to confide in him and/or have sex with him, it's only goig to make this breakup period even more complicated. If you want to talk to someone, feel free to email me because trust me, a few months back I felt exactly the way you did and I know the feeling of wanting to go to bed and never wanting to to wake up.
Also, along with the ex oweing money. This happened to one of my very good friends, he owed her money and still hadn't repayed her even several months after they had broken up. He kept promising he'd repay her by a certain date on a couple occasions and never followed through. Although she didn't want to, she resorted to threatening him with small claims court. The fee isn't expensive, you'll get your money back, and you can try to move on from him. The outcome: he paid her back without going to court.
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