A
male
age
36-40,
*onChalantRon
writes:Lately me and my gf of 7 years have been arguing A LOT...we see each other on weekends and lately every weekend has had some sort of argument. Yesterday we didnt make it 30min before we started arguing. We broke up 3 years ago and she started talking to another dude for about 3 months before we got back together. A year later she breaks up with me again to go be with this dude for another 3 months then comes back. Now she talks to the guy everyday and tells me that shes not going to drop him as a friend just because I dont like him, says thats her only real friend. I obviously have an issue with this. Yesterday was her birthday and he took her to the movies...when i came down to see her she told me so I said fuck it you've already gone out for your birthday im not taking you out; am I wrong for feeling that way? This starts a huge argument about how I'm an asshole and I shouldnt feel that way, even though just 3 weeks ago I caught her on the phone calling him "baby". I told her i dont even want to talk to her if she is going to be friends with him...again I am an asshole for feeling that way; am I? Lately we have been having sex issues. She ignores the hell out of me, we are only aloud to have sex on her terms, when we do have sex she NEVER does anything she just lays there, wont even get on top. Before she started talking to dude 3 years ago sex was great, then she got with him and he apparently has a smaller d*** than me, even since then she constantly tells me that I'm to big and that she wishes I were smaller...I in the back of my mind take that offensively, but if I say something I will again be an asshole. At this point we may have sex 4 times a month IF IM LUCKY. i get pissed about it which causes more arguments and sometimes I question wether i should be mad or not about the sex situation, should I?I dont want to be with anyone else, we have been together for 7 years but the lack of sex causes me to look for it else where. She constantly tells me to go out and have fun with the few friends I have, but she doesnt like them and when I come back after being told to go out she says how she doesnt trust me blah blah.Granted the first few years of our relationship i was far from the worlds greatest bf, but I've somewhat outgrown trying to sleep with every female I see. Now i honestly just want to be with her, but my sex drive is redonkulous. I hate cheating on her, but masturbating gets old quick, plus its caused me to have a slight addiction to porn becuase I am horny a lot. I feel like i will never find somebody that will understand me like she does, I am a very introverted person so Im kinda quiet around people. She is the ONLY person i feel comfortable being crazy around...Ive tried talking things out, but shes the type that if a conversation isnt going her way she ends it.she recently caught me in a "fling" where i was more less just talking shit to some chick about how much i liked her and blah blah, but that only happened because I was more less completely ignored for 3.5 months. I talk to other females because I dont get the attention I want/need from her; but i just talk shit to them, i dont actually want to be with them. if she would change i would be completely content, but your not supposed to change people, just take them as they are...but she has changed SOOOOOOOO much in the past few years and I hate it. i think she wants to talk to an older guy who is more established, Im still in college and dont make much if any money right now because of that.Should i leave her? She is SEVERELY depressed lately, to the point where on 2 occations i have seen her crying in a fetal position. I dont know how to handle that. I have had the thought 3 times that if we were to ever have kids, she would 100% suffer from post pardom depression or w/e its called and kill both herself and the kid. I feel like I dont make her happy, but Im never really happy when im with other females. they provide momentary happiness, but i just think about her when im with them.Confused and at my whits end, cant take the CONSTANT arguing and ENDLESS sadness, but i love her. more now than ever in the past...I've been saying for a while now that it seems like a dead relationship but she swears up and down that she wants to be with me...what df do i do?????
View related questions:
broke up, depressed, got back together, horny, money, porn, sex drive Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2011): It doesn't sound like either of you love each other. You're only with her because you want the security of being in a relationship, and she's the relationship. The familiarity of a bad relationship is less scary than the unknown of being alone and not knowing what comes next. So you settle for your crummy relationship, thinking it's love. It's not. It's just clinging to something because the familiar is more comfortable than the unknown. Part of it could also be that you like the attention she gives you when she's angry at you because it's the only attention you get from her so you think you love her but really you're just in desperate need of attention. and you shouldn't even think about having kids with her, it would be hugely irresponsible to bring kids into a relationship as unstable and toxic as yours.you can try to save your relationship but it will be extremely difficult and frankly I don't see much chance of it succeeding at this point. if you're feeling the need to cheat on your partner, that means you need to get out of this relationship. If you can't be faithful to your partner then either your partner is really making you miserable with no signs of it ever improving (so why stay?) or you don't love and treasure your partner enough to forego your needs and desires(so why stay?). I don't think she loves you, like you don't love her. Like you, she's staying in this relationship for other reasons that have to do with her own personal insecurities, and not because there is love. To be clearer, there is love, and there is attachment. They are not the same. Love is a positive emotion and feeling. Attachment may or may not be linked to positives. You can be attached to misery or to hurtful things and people and places. Negative attachments are distortions of your mind and insecurities. Don't mistake it for love.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2011): So it's okay for you to have sex with other women, but it's not okay for her to have a guy friend?Yes, you overreacted on her birthday. One of her friends took her out; that doesn't mean you get a pass. Blowing off your girlfriend's birthday is one of the worst things you can do; it tells her that you don't care about her at all. The only possible excuse is that you're on your deathbed.As far as sex goes, it's normal for both partners in a relationship to have different sex drives. And that never excuses the one with the higher sex drive to look for it elsewhere. If you really want to be with your girlfriend, then you need to give up the other women and only be with her. No flirting with others, and definitely no sex with anyone else. Ever. Starting right now. And no demanding concessions from her in return--you're supposed to be loyal to her.If you can't do that then you need to man up and break up with her so you can play the field to your heart's content.
...............................
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (20 November 2011):
 It all sounds like too much hard work to me. I would move on if I were you.
...............................
|
