| A
age
41-50,
*
writes: Hi there everyone. Ive been on here several times. History: My ex cheated on me and when I found out he decided he wanted to be with her. I have left them to get on with their relationship.Lately however, she has been trying to contact me. She texted me on news years saying 'happy new year' and a couple times prior to this. I hardly ever reply to her textes.On thurs she texted to ask if she could call me. I said as long as it didnt involve drama that she could and she assured me that it didnt.Anyway she was apologising saying that she was sorry for all the pain that she caused during my pregnancy (this is when I found out about the affair) and that she felt guilty about how her relationship had started with my ex and father of our children. During the conversation she found out that my ex and I had been sleeping together when they started dating and she has now dumped him saying that she cannot be with someone who has cheated.My ex has called me up calling me all names under the son and removed me from his friends list on facebook. (im not really bothered about this). He is now getting his family members to contact me with regards to access to our children. I find it all so annoying now and I told her not to call me again. I am not sad! I am actually pleased that he got his karma. Although I really thought she knew about us still sleeping together during that period (she stole him from me remember). I stopped sleeping with him long before they got back together in november and I had told her that all this happened before they got back together. I honestly thought this is why they had broke up in the first place as he told me she found out. She told me that he had denied it.SummaryMarch 2007 found out they had an affair (7 months preg and he left)He told me it was a mistake and that he didnt want to be with her.April: had suspicions that he was still with her but he constantly denied it. We occasionaly slept together. She used to ring to ask him to tell her he loved her. Used to leave hickies on his neck that he would try to hide from me. I checked his phone and read all the messages but he would still deny it. I rung her and she told me abruptly that if I thought she was seeing him that she suggested I asked him. (she always spoke down to me). I was at rock bottom seeing a psychiatrist and psychotherapist, my hair fell out was in deep depression, didnt want the baby I was carrying for him.May: Our baby was born he comfirmed he was still with her. I was in hospital for 7 days after baby was born. She would ring him all the time whilst I was in hospital. I stopped sleeping with him.June/july: He introduced her to our children, threatened me with court action and CSA. Introduced her to his family, took our kids on trips away with her. August: He said he made a mistake with her and that he felt so guilty about leaving me with three children (under five). I slept with him twice.Sep: They broke up. We were still sleeping together and trying to see if our relationship could be saved (9 year history). We went couple counselling and spoke about good and bad aspects of the relationship. He told me all the things he would do differently. At this point he had thought she cheated on him and he told her that we had slept together. must add that she was going through a messy divorce.Nov: We decided it wouldnt work out. He went back to her. We stopped sleeping together. I moved on!. Although we'd still occasionally argued about him seeing her daughter more than ours, him not giving me money for our children and me forgetting to packed all their things when they stayed with him.Jan: she found out we had been sleeping together during that period. She dumped him.My question: Is it bad that I had told her about us? she asked and I answered. Should I have been loyal to him by lying or not answering? Is it bad that I do not feel bad about what she now knows? I dont feel bad and just cant really be bothered with them at all anymore. I never call him unless I have too and it does not upset me that he is heartbroken.
View related questions:
affair, broke up, cheated on me, divorce, facebook, got back together, heartbroken, money, my ex, period, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, shandygirl  +, writes (15 January 2008):
 Try to be civil & "Distant" friends with your ex, only for the sake of your children. Don't get too involved in his life and problems.
Her finding out that you slept with him is HER PROBLEM... just like it was YOUR PROBLEM when you found out about her. Sound fair?
Maybe you still Love him... maybe not. But... This "Back and Forth" thing that you have going on with him only messes with your head... so put an end to THAT, for your own good. I think that if it were me, I would keep a safe & cordial distance from him, and go on with your own life.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for the advice you gave. I was waiting anxiously for the responses as I felt that people would say that I shouldnt have answered or something a long those lines. But, I am glad that it is all out and I have been given my closure.
Im tired of it all and when I look back at last year I just want to give that girl (me in the past) a huge hug and tell her that she will be ok. Because I am now and I thought id never see the day. My kids, however, I would like to keep it amicable for their sake and have been trying this all along. Itis just that I am always seen as the bad one. His mum hates me (or I think feel akward and guilty about her sons behaviour and the way she treated me) which I find unfair. She thinks that I have put her son under so much stress by having three children by 26. In the past she had suggested that he drop the access as he found it difficult managing work and seeing the children (her grandchildren). I put my foot down and said Id rather him see his children, more than receiving money from him and asked if shed support him more than encourage this. She feels as though I tried to trap him. How could this be when we were together 5 years before having our wanted first child together. When I go to the house the children are accepted but not me, (doesnt hurt anymore). I guess it will have to be another lapse of time before he realises that I am here to stay and until he can find forgiveness for me as well for letting out his dirty secret.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2008): Don't feel bad I think its closure - everything is out in the open. Honesty is good. You don't need to contact this woman or hear from her again and as for your ex I would keep it civilised for the sake of the children (if you can) but start to spend more energy getting your own life back on track. Don't spend time on these people any more.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2008): The rat has been caught!!!
Good for you, no you did nothing wrong, as for them she slept with your husband while you were carrying his child (shame on her) him he deserves everthing he gets.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2008): Its your right to say "I JUST DON'T CARE".
Good luck
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2008): like you say she asked you answered. Its not for you to lie for your ex, how are you to know what stories he is spinning, and how could you keep up with em.
Move on.
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (14 January 2008):
 She wanted to know and you told her .I don't see why it is bad.Your heart has turned cold for him.He reaped what he sowed. You are just laying the cards on the table for her to see .You have totally loss your feelings for him.Whatever happens is no more your concern. So who cares how they feel!
Can't blame you for doing that.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2008): If I were you it wouldn't bother me in the least. Next time he calls to insult you tell him to go F himself in the face and to never call you again. And be sure to keep record of all the harrassment that they are putting you through because when you get divorced and the judge finds out about all this, he may take away this man's custody rights. And GOOD.
Here you are being treated like a dog by this couple and they have no sense of decency. What they have put you through is bad enough and then to top it off try to bring you into their affairs, its just awful. So don't feel bad and try to use all this to your advantage. They have no tact. They are both horrible people and I wouldn't want my children to be around folks that imbalanced and callous.
...............................
|
