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female
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*inny30
writes: Hi My boyfriend and I are on the verge of breaking up.I have been with him for nearly 4 years. We moved in together after 1 and everything started to go down hill from there. He was at a very low point in his life and I hurt him even more with my nasty comments. I didn't mean them and he knows that but he can't seem to get past them. We took a year out and are in Sydney on a work holiday visa. I am so alone here. A few weeks before we left we parted for 5 dayss. Its the longest we ever parted since we started going out. It was wrong living out of each others pockets. After these few days we both came to the realisation that we wanted to be together and that having our own time was the best thing we ever could have donw.However, we have been constantly together since we started travelling 3 months ago and now things have come to a head again. I knew things didn't feel right.We both love each other so much and cant imagine being with anyone else but just cant seem to move forward.My boyfriend is a very quiet private person and get boughts of depression now and again. I am the only person that knows this. He got depressed when he was a teenager and tells me he got himself out of it. he just brushes things under the carpet.I don't know what to do. I cant and don't want to keep on travelling and I don't want to go back home.Please help me.
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female
reader, camille  +, writes (2 October 2006):
 There are many issues here. Firstly, as your boyfriend hasn't written so I feel I shouldn't comment on him, although until he seeks help with his depression I feel that your relationship will keep turning in this circle.
I think it's very important for people to have their own interests and to spend some time apart. It isn't always healthy to spend so much time with one person. Travelling increases the pressure as you can't really go for a night out with friends as easily when so far away from home. Maybe going to Australia wasn't the best idea when things weren't great between you. People try and fix things and sometimes what they're actually doing is smoothing over the cracks.
I don't understand why you don't want to travel but don't want to go home. I think your relationship will have a better chance if you do go home. Why don't you talk to him and tell him for the sake of any future you may have together, you feel it's best to give each other some breathing space.
If you decide to stay together, a change may be in order as it clearly isn't working as it is. You need to have your own friends, night out away from each other. Take some time for yourself. You'll have stuff to talk about when you get together and also a life that doesn't revolve around someone else. Good luck as it's not going to be easy. This will take bravery and strength but you can do it. If you decide not to continue travelling or if you move out and stay somewhere else, it could save what you have.
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