A
female
age
36-40,
*i_the_tree
writes:I need some advice and would like to know what people think i should do.A couple of weeks ago i went to an engagement party and the chemistry between the barman and i was incredible. I caught him looking at me in the mirror loads and i was very attracted to him. I managed to get his phone number at the end of the night and we have been speaking loads.We've been out on 2 dates so far, he's a great guy and we really like each other, he treats me like a princess and is forever dropping me compliments.Well my relationship with my ex ended 6 months ago and he was with another girl the day after we broke up. It hurt me a lot, but this new guy will really help me leave my ex in the past. The one thing i'm worried about, is my ex finding out that i'm seeing someone else and going mad. I know it's none of his business who i spend my time with, but i've been wondering if i should just tell my ex myself that i'm kind of seeing someone new.Either way, when he does find out (if i tell him straight, or if he hears from someone) he's gonna go mad, but is it a wise idea to tell him straight, or not bother.This may seem a bit childish, but i had to find out the hard way when he started seeing his gf, but i'm thinking i should be the better person and just tell him straight that i've moved on (but i've got no idea how to tell him as i know he'll be hurt by it)Nearly forgot, these 2 guys do know each other, they're not exactly friends or anything but they know of each other.Any advice would be greatly appreciated guys, thanks :)
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (4 December 2010):
 Good for you -- for looking out for number one, and for being so sensitive at the same time.
Personally I don't care for conflict, so I wouldn't be inclined to tell him myself. Just imagining how awkward a conversation that would be gives me a chill.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (4 December 2010):
fi_the_tree is verified as being by the original poster of the question No alterior motive or anything like that, i don't want to hurt him, but something like this will. Although he has a gf to keep him occupied, he still says he loves me, but i was getting to the point anyway where i wasn't willing to put up with being second best anymore.
It's nice to be a priority to someone, and as the casual saying goes, 'you snooze you lose!'
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A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (4 December 2010):
You'll have to judge which way is going to cause the smaller amount of conflict. From how you describe things you're going to have a certain amount of trouble either way (although why it's any of his business is beyond me -- is this why he's an ex?).
Or -- do you have an ulterior motive? Are you hoping that his hearing you've successfully moved on will bring him back?
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