A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok here's the long short of the story. My man is in his early 30's and I'm in my late 20's. We've been together for over 2 years. During the honeymoon period, we had earth shattering great sex! I mean the sheets would be smoking if you know what I mean. Granted I know that it doesn't last forever, but wow. I have only begun to really enjoy sex when I met him. We had fun and he showed me things and taught me things about sex that I never thought I could do or enjoy. So now, he says his sex drive is gone. We have gone from at least one encounter, leading to multiple times in that encounter, to maybe two times a week, and that its if I'm lucky. I know some guys might be like-2 times a week-you ARE lucky. But I'm beginning to feel unattractive. I've gained weight since I got pregnant (yes I'm pregnant). And when I'm not going to primp myself everyday to sit at home and take care of the house. It's a waste is how I feel. I'm also starting to look towards someone else for the attention that my husband used to show. No I'm not having an affair, but I'm afraid it's going to lead that way. With my husband we don't have anything really, unless you call my taking care of everything and being treated like an employee with no pay having something. I feel like I'm here for his benefit only and that he only wants me around when he wants something. I have needs-not just sexual (although it would be GREAT) but needs for the friendship we had and the intimacy that a married couple should have.
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affair, period, sex drive Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2009): having an affair is not the answer AND having an affair while preganant is definately not the answer. i will not condone your actions because it is wrong. you are bring ing an innocent into this world. you want to bring this baby into a sordid life & instability. very motherly of you i must say.
as for the dynamic sex bet you and your hb, how about TELLING HIM ABOUT YOUR RAGING HORMONES. tell him your needs and if he just cannot keep up with your sexual wants then PLSE SOMEONE ADVISE ABOUT MATUBATION WHILE PREGNANT. is it safe etc. i do not know much on that subject.
your affair to release your sexual satisfaction is a NO NO. YOU MAY NOT BE HAVING A SEXUAL AFFAIR YET, BUT ARE YOU HAVING AN EMOTIONAL ONE?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2009): Did this start happening before you got pregnant or during the pregnancy? Guys can be weird about pregnancy. I am currently expecting our second child - my husband is one of those guys who is not very comfortable having sex with a pregnant woman. For me, I feel like everyone deals with pregnancy differently and that's fine - the problem arises when they don't say anything and just act like it's okay to stop making love to your wife with no explanation. Anyway, I suggest you confront the issue so it's all out in the open.
I also think that relationships go through lots of phases. You will not be pregnant forever. I, for one, can tell you that after I gave birth to our first child, somehow that made me even more attractive than before we had children...and the tables turned. After having a baby and taking care of a newborn, it was me turning him down all the time. After I started to feel more like myself again (and this was several months postpartum), our sex life exploded. Hence, the second pregnancy :)
As for the affection/attention part of it, again - speak up. Your first priority right now is taking care of yourself and taking care of your unborn baby. If your relationship is a cause of stress for you, be very clear what your needs are, and what your limits are. An affair (physical or emotional) will only make things way more complicated and, believe me, you will have enough on your plate to deal with when the baby comes. Just be straight up and tell him you aren't getting what you need and if he can't give it to you then maybe you need to put yourself in a different environment. Healthy mother equals healthy baby.
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