A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:What do you think.... threesomes, good or bad idea?? in general!Ive been going out with my boyfriend for 2 years now and our sex life is just fine, we still have just as much sex now as when we first started out but if im being honest, I would kinda like to try a threesome but I know im not emotionally stable for it. But when I asked my bf if he would ever have one he said yes.He said that he would happily have one and that its a turn on but he would only do it if I said yes.So anyways I asked him what if he didnt know me and a situation arose...he said he would have one in a heart beat.I now feel like im holding him back from something he would like to do/try.Even though it is something I truly would like to do but I just need to gain more confidence in myself for starters and get over some insecurities.Im worried he focuses more on the other girl than me because well the other girl is 'new' and the thought right now of him even penetrating or giving oral to another girl makes me feel sick. Also worried he finds her more attractive than me, and a better body etc etc etc.But anyways what do you think. Are threesomes generally good or bad for a relationship??
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male
reader, confusedcaucasian  +, writes (31 October 2010):
 I will admit, Ive participated in a few and in the past would have said go for it. But those relationships were shallow and both times it was me sharing my girl who is a friend, whatever, we weren't committed. I have no real respect for those girls and would never make a commitment to them. Was just for fun.Now.... I'm in a relationship with someone who in her past made a hobby of threesomes for a while, living with two guys... ugh anyway. that's lame, and it makes our relationship more difficult than it needs to be. We have been together a year now and if I had known about this in the first few months we would not be together now. I always thought of threesomes as a fun, good idea and told myself that even in a strong relationship it could be done under the right circumstances. But, now I'm not so sure.
A
male
reader, soon567 +, writes (31 October 2010):
When you meet your new guy make sure you say NO to any other extra partners.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): Tell him you changed your mind and don`t feel guilty about it. If you are insecure, in any way, you will be opening a huge can of worms and that could possibly cause your relationship to self-destruct. Depending on your level of self esteem and trust in your bf, threesomes can make one of a person feel threatened. For some couples, fulfilling certain fantasies by bringing other people into your private sex life can be another way of making things interesting and fun. This is just a part of the adventuresome perspective they have on sex and the relationship may not suffer at all. For others, this sort of activity occurs as a way to satisfy the bisexual orientation of one of the partners in the relationship. For some, it is a one-time experiment. But for any experimentations involving other people in your sex life, it will only succeed if the couple usually has a fairly strong commitment to each other. But be careful... involving other people in your sex life can be an emotionally charged experiment that could backfire! You have to be very secure in your partner's attraction to you, because seeing him attracted to and turned on by another person, could be hurtful to watch. As well, seeing your bf have sex with someone else, if you are insecure about yourself or your sexual technique and it may be tough not to compare yourself unfavourably with the other woman. If you have uncertainties, please realize that threesomes are not for everyone and you wouldn't be 'out of line' to back out here and say no to this. Just some things to think about. Talk openly and honestly with your bf. Make absolutely sure "you" want to do this. If you are having any doubts whatsoever...don't do it! And when you tell him, he should respect what you tell him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): Did a few in college. My word of advice is...the less you have feelings for the other partners the better. If that is not the way you are, then dont do it. If you are in a relationship,and want to add a threesome...no way will that work out. There has to be absolutely NO strings attached, no feelings other than purely sexual.
If they are completely, and I do mean completely NSA, they can be kinda fun. But nowhere NEAR as fun as a committed relationship with one person. Still, it is an experience I do not regret at least trying...a few times.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): i wasnt going to comment because im strongly against 3somes. Im of the opinion that it if people are asking for a 3some then it is an excuse to cheat and try out someone new. If you have a threesome with ur bloke and another woman how do u no that shes not gonna start trying to steal him away afterwards or that he will like wht he got from her and go back for more. I think ur setting urself up for heartbreak hunny because its just as bad as giving him permition to cheat on u. If u go ahead and have one who wud u ask, one of ur mates? Or his? Wud it be awquad afterward? If u have insecurities ( which im guessin u can tell i do) then it could cause a huge rift in ur relationship anyway because ur constantly gonna b wonderin if he wud prefer to be with the other woman.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2010): For me BAD..never would do this in a relationship. Why have a relationship with one person, only then to include others.
Isn't that casual sex within a relationship? People try to paint this with glorious colours of the rainbow, but it is just ' permission for infidelity.
If you are both so casual about who you're both intimate with, why not just be SINGLE and have sex with who ever you like when you like, and keep a relationship as a relationship for when you feel ready for one.
Sex an love go hand in hand, with that goes real intimacy and a bond, change the dynamics and it becomes just SEX, and with you being not being 'emotionally stable' it seems like just another issue to add to PREVENT you from becoming emotionally STABLE.
Jilly
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (31 October 2010):
 It sounds like you would really only be doing it for him. It's not weird or abnormal to be worried about him focusing on her, many ask for threesomes as permission to cheat while in a relationship (outside a relationship, well it's just the opportunity to be surrounded by two pretty girls rather than just one). I always say that if a threesome is something the guy is pressuring the girl to try (or visa versa) she suggest another man instead of another woman. If it really was about spicing rather than touching the other, another man would be OK. It seems like when one person is having doubts, if it's not something both people are super excited to try, it's bound to cause problems. While too much jealousy is a bad thing, there are circumstances where it's totally normal. If this isn't something you're 100% on, just say no. I doubt you'd be breaking his heart or anything. The way you describe him he sounds like a nice guy who would be fine leaving the fantasy as a fantasy to respect you.
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female
reader, bella.. +, writes (31 October 2010):
 No don't do that, if your scare of doing it its for a reason. Your right maybe if you do it your man will and can like the other person more than he likes you. If he makes you happy and you make him happy you dnt need nothing else. Takecare of your relationship. I would recomed not doing it.
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (30 October 2010):
 No. They are not good if you are in a relationship. Usually they only cause heartbreak, pain and often the breakdown of relationships.
Just look thru the questions on this site to see. Its never a good outcome, because one partner usually enjoys it far more.
It is more of a male fantasy, and ALWAYS has to be MFF - never MMF. (Funny that)
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/threesome-lead-to-wife-giving-something-that-i.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/threesome-gone-bad.html
Just two recent questions...
You say that you are not emotionally stable. Could you cope with watching your boyfriend make love to another woman? Could you deal with the fact he made her orgasm? Would you let her touch you?
It seems that often the man wants a repeat performance - without their normal partner.
A lot of people see this as cheating with permission. If you have ANY doubts, do not do it. It will wreck your trust in him, and your relationship will be over.
I personally would never be able to do this... one for the fact that I wouldnt want another woman touching me, but mainly because I could not deal with my man being THAT intimate with another woman. It would break my heart.
For me sex is special and about love - his love for me only. Not for random strangers to be involved.
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