A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm not sure what to do about my boyfriend and my ex. They are both much older than me. I went out with my ex for two months last year, and i have been with my boyfriend for five months. My ex didn't tell me that he had finished with me at the time. He just stopped contacting me, and i was upset when that happened. I was in a pub with my boyfriend on Wednesday, and my my ex was there too. I was shocked to see him there , as i hadn't seen him in there for ages. I was sat with my boyfriend, and my ex called me over, so i went to him. He asked how i was . When we had been talking for a few minutes, my boyfriend suddenly got up and ran out of the pub. I ran after him and tried to stop him, but he grabbed my hands and then pushed me. A police woman was there, and my boyfriend told her to tell me to leave him alone. I wanted to go after him, but the police woman said she would arrest me if i went after him. I was so embarrassed. I had never been threatened to be arrested in my life!. She told me to leave him alone and to speak to him another time. We were both quite drunk as well. I went back to the pub, as i had left my coat there. When i went back, a member of staff came over to me and told me that i had to leave, and some people were staring at me. I felt embarrassed again. I'm not sure if i am barred from the pub now, or if the member of staff just wanted me to leave then. I didn't think it was fair, as the argument hadn't happened inside the pub. My ex was still in the pub, and he asked me to go and have a drink with him somewhere else, so i did. I don't know how my boyfriend knew where i was, but he came into the next pub that i went in. He told me to go out of the pub with him, and he threatened to finish with me if i didn't. He calmed down though and we all stayed in the pub. My ex told me that he regretted that we broke up last year, and one of his friends told me that he did too, as he had told his friend about that once before. My ex and my boyfriend both said that they wanted to hit each other. My ex also said that if my boyfriend ever did anything to hurt me, he would hurt him. My ex kept asking me if i was in love with my boyfriend too, and he said that he wished my boyfriend would f*** off. he also said that he though my boyfriend wasn't right in the head, and that he has seen my boyfriend around town before. My ex left after a while ,and then me and my boyfriend went to another town to see his friends. I ended up finding out that my boyfriend takes drugs!. I knew that he used to take them when he was younger, but i had no idea that he still did. His friends were smoking drugs, and one of them passed the drug for him to smoke, and then they passed him one to sniff, and he sniffed it!. I was really scared, as i have never taken drugs, and never would, and i know that they can have a bad effect on people. I had to drag my boyfriend out of his friend's house to get us a taxi. We both went back to his place, and he kept telling me to get out and f*** off, and said that i wasn't worth it. I was really upset. I stayed there, even though i probably shouldn't have. The next day, he was still talking about what happened the day before, and said that i was loving the attention when my ex was there. Again, he kept saying that i should leave but then he said that he loved me and kept kissing me. He has bipolar disorder too, by the way. Most of the time, he is lovely and genuine and generous, but it really worries me that he has a problem with drugs, and he also drinks. He only does both occassionally. I meet up with him almost every day of the week, and he has never taken drugs when he has been with me, and hardly drinks when he is with me. I wish he didn't do either of them at all though. I told him that i don't like him doing them, and he said he would stop, but i don't know if i believe him. I still kind of like my ex too, but i don't know whether to leave my boyfriend and go back to my ex, or stay with my boyfriend, or if i shouldn't be with either of them. I missed my ex even before i met my boyfriend too. My ex also drinks, but he didn't treat me badly, except when he disappeared at the end of the relationship. My boyfriend also told me that he didn't tell me that he still takes drugs occasionally because he thought i would finish with him. What should i do ?.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (9 June 2012):
 Hi,
So let me see if I get this right....you nearly got arrested because of your boyfriend's behaviour, probably can't go back into a pub you like, personally witnessed your boyfriend sniffing and smoking drugs, got cursed out from your boyfriend, he's bi polar, drinks heavily and throws you out and then kisses you and tells you he loves you...hope I got all that right. He sounds like a dream boat there doll! Really...a true prince.
Are you some kind of crazy!!??? What else do you need? The Queen making an official decree he's bad for you? Do you know that if he gets caught with drugs and you're with him....you get arrested as well? And let us not even talk about the fact that he lied to you and put you in an environment with a hell of a lot of drugs. In case you didn't know ...drugs are illegal....and if you're just sitting there watching....you're aiding the act. Eventually the violence will come and the stealing from your purse.....you do not want to stick around for that. RUN!!!! very quickly away from man. No amount of love is worth being thrown in jail or having a bad reputation...you already know what its like to be threatened to be arrested.
As for ex boyfriend...he's not any better for just up and leaving the relationship without a word. He had a reason, choose not to share it and went on his mosey way. You want that again?? Yeah sure he knew about your boyfriend being an unsavoury character, he was probably having an eye out on you cause he still cared but that does not excuse the fact that he hurt you badly. What's to stop him from doing it again? You don't even realise yet how he scarred you. If you get back together with him and don't hear from him for about 2 days.....all your fears will come rushing back....he's done it again.
You need to value yourself a bit and don't just settle for someone because you are lonely and don't want to be alone. If you truly still love your ex..let him know...the crap you pulled the last time...wasn't amusing. Why? How? What? Ask questions...get real answers. Only then can you make an informed decision about your future with him.
As for the Pete Doherty wanna be...cut that man loose...he will only bring you down and in a pit of shame. Keep remember the question " Do you want me to arrest you?"
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