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female
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*INX
writes: Hi, I have been straight for years, and married, though now I am a divorced mum.I have been in several relationships with men and have always through that I am bi-curious, as I fancy some of my friends in the past, but nothing happened and I never told them, either.I have split from my long-term boyfriend of3 years and now live with my parents again.I have a friend that I have helped a lot through drug abuse and problems and we have become very close.We were only friends, we loved to chat and laugh when we went out and still do, but on a few occasion we have played ice-swapping games with our mates and passed ice to each others’ mouths. It was a game but this game has led to a full-blown kiss in the middle of a dance floor and I loved it, as she blew me away.She is bi and has said that she fancies me and I have her for a while, but never thought we would ever kiss. I’m now finding it hard, as I’m now confused about my feelings as I really want her. We have been naughty in the toilets and couldn’t stop and she turns me on.I was bi-curious and now I’m wondering if I’m full-on bi, as I think about her all the time. This is madness. I’m so confused as I still fancy men.I can’t deal with my feeling and I don’t want to lose her as a friend, as I know she is going through shit and I’m the only one she turns to.Please help me.
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reader, pops +, writes (25 August 2005):
I doubt you are either lesbian, or bi sexual. You are just looking for tenderness, which was missing from your last heterosexual relationship. If you are attracted to men, you are heterosexual. Everyone can enjoy hugs and kisses and gropes from someone their own sex, but that doesn't make you bi. It just means that you have some training to do with the next man you get serious with. Men don't know how to turn you on. They aren't good at being tender until they are taught. It is the very smart woman who understand this, and trains her guy to pleasure her all the ways that she can think up. This takes years, but the promise with be evident fairly soon in a relationship. If he's as dumb as a post, and doesn't really care how you feel or are treated, that will show up very soon, also. Throw that bum out!
If you are going to have any kind of physical relationship with this friend, or another woman, learn from it. Compare what they do to what your husband did, and didn't do. Call your ex up and ask him why he didn't do this or that? He probably didn't know that would please you, because you didn't tell him. The most important part of any relationship is communication. Do it.
A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (24 August 2005):
 One thing in all of this is that your frienship not be challenged as a result of your curiosity. Nothing is wrong with how you are feeling. Lots of people are bi curious or bi-sexual. You I think are not experimenting with the bi curious thing...I don't think you are full on yet. Just my opinion though. If this goes on to be a total relationship and you still fancy guys...well...you have to make the observation for yourself and see how you feel. Be careful...ana
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