A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So he is 10 years older then me. He is a great guy. Im 18 and this would be the second time ive fallen in love. The first time it was with a guy who was 4 years older then me. We dated for 3 years. from the time i was 14. It was serious until he moved away and we couldnt get passed the differences. Now were still friends but what we feel for each other is more of a brother sister kid of love. Now, this past year, ive fallen in love again. He is 28 years to my 18. A ten year age gap. I think he feels the same way. But he is also one of THE most responsible guys around. Sex is not an issue as both of us are virgins who will wait till marriage. He asks me to go with him, on what im the part of the world i come from is known as a pilgrimage, which is basically where you go to stay with a guru for a period of time ( a week a moth whatever). This involves a long flight and a minimum of at least tow weeks together. But at the same time he doesn't reply text messages. He asks me out to go for like coffee or dinner but he doesn't call otherwise. Hes sending me mixed signals and i can understand why. In our community it would be a big deal if we went out. But i love him. Is there a way that i can tell him how i feel? will it ruin our friendship and this closeness that we have? He will wait for me to be ready, to get married n stuff even if its like 6/7 years cos he noe that i wanna go to university and stuff. I dont know what to do.Ive never done this before, posted on an online help site asking for help. This is serious. I need help. How do i tell him how i feel.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think ive always known this is what id have to do but needed someone to give me a big push... thanks.. will let u noe how it goes! I appreciate ur advice!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2008): I was a bit worried, but I'm glad to see your a virgin involved with a responsible guy. For that I like him and I like you.
He's asked you to go on pilgrimage, takes you out for coffee and dinner. Well then he likes to spend time with you and is showing you the right and proper respect (by UK standards). If your community will object to the difference in your ages (which is a real problem in relationships) I can understand why he's being careful.
You've been brave to share your problem with us, however I am not sure that I will be of help. It's distirbing that he dosen't return your texts and never calls you just to say hello. At best he's trying to protect you from the community, from falling in love, from gaining a reputation. I don't know, only he knows why he dose this. In any other situation, I would have suspicions that he lives with someone else or has a girlfriend/partner already and has something to hide. This could also be the case. But no matter....
The advice in this situation remains the same, whether your virgins, religious, homesexual, or underage. You need to know how someone feels about you, the only thing you can do is ask. He may run away, he may reject you, he may embarrass you, it may spoil your friendship... Next time your out for coffee, tell him you have developed feelings of love but you don't want to spoil the friendship. If he cares and is a friend this will be enough to find out how he feels.
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