A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:She doesn't love her husband anymore.She has two children in their early teens. Children at that age, sense that something is wrong. Their mother knows that and won't agree to separation and/or divorce as it may affect the children, emotionally, mentally and otherwise.Her husband has already offered to leave with occasional access to the children if she wanted that..Both parents had unsuccessful counselling together and separately.Husband and wife originated from different countries. He wants to stay in 'his' country and-in their substantial home whereas she would like to return to her old country.She will not say exactly what is wrong but she, apparently, can't 'stand him' anymore as, she claims, he failed to look after her when she was very ill, after baby births and resents his alleged, she implies, chauvinist/redneck Attitude.Silly or smug replies would not be appreciated, thanks .
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the kind replies, ladies and gent however,Firstly, I'm A grandfather with own grandchildren.Secondly, my apologies for the 'children's age group, they are actually under 10 years of age, three years apart.Thirdly, should the mother to live in her old country, on the other side of the globe and the father to stay in his country, to travel a few thousand miles on the weekend to see the children. Would not be feasible.....Thanks again.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2013): She told him exactly why she couldn't stand him: he didn't take care of her 'in sickness and in health.' Basically, he left her alone to deal with her poor health on her own. He screwed up big time. Actions speak louder than words, and his actions told her he cared so little for her that he couldn't be bothered to care for his wife, the mother of his children, the woman he supposedly loved, when she needed him to.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 March 2013):
 It sounds to me like the couple have just falling apart. Sometimes it happens that people just grow apart and the love they had for each other dies. That can happen in life and it is sad when it does. Staying together for the sake of children is the wrong way to go about things though, as children can sense when there parents are together yet unhappy. The children would benefit more of having there parents split up yet still getting to spend time with both parents separately. As long as both parents agree to be civil for there children's sake and not to say anything bad about each other, then the children should not be effected. This couple has tried counselling and worked to save the marriage am not sure there is anything else that they can do, and am sure that they would be much happier apart as they would be together.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2013): This marriage is over and the children will sense the bad atmosphere. Better to split and have 2 happy parents than carry on with this charade.Start divorce proceedings, make a financial settlement to enable her to return to her country, live, till she finds work, then sort child support.Result, 2 happier adults, children who can see their dad during holidays. Time to move on
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2013): My honest opinion is she is not ready/afraid to leave her marriage. She is making excuses.Justifying her decision to stay in her marriage because of the children is an excuse. Her children are teenagers??? At this age, they are able to understand what is going on and rationalize/accept a separation/divorce between their parents much better. I am not saying it will be easy for them. It never will. But I believe it would be a lot more complicated for her to leave if the children were very young. The children are almost adults. Either way, using the children as an excuse at any age is just that, an excuse.If her husband was treating her so badly and she really did not love him anymore and they tried counselling but the marriage remains unsalvageable if she truly felt in her heart that her marriage was over, she would leave. There would be no excuses. Because we all want to be happy in life. There does come a point where someone cannot stand being unhappy anymore that they must distance themselves from a situation. Obviously she is still comfortable with her circumstances and things are not bad enough for her to leave.Unfortunately, I sense that she is afraid, unsure of her future and what will happen to the comfortable and predictable life she has now. Does she work and support herself or rely on her husband? Financial stability will play a big role in her decision. Is she traditional in her beliefs? Is she religious? Many factors come into play.She does not know what she wants. Or she is afraid. Are you her side guy? If so, you need to step back. You do realize this, don't you? You are setting yourself up to be hurt.You cannot force her to make a decision. She must do that on her own when and if she is ever ready. If you are involved with her, you are further complicating the situation.You are also making it easier for her to remain in her marriage. Why would she leave if she has the security of a marriage with the attention of another man on the side? This is the age old problem of getting involved with married people. The affair partner, if that is who you are, makes it easy for the married person to escape from their married state and problems, while still enjoying the security and comfort of their marriage. She has the best of both worlds. No need to ever make any decisions. No need for anything to ever change.How do you go about encouraging her to make a decision? Leave her alone. That is how. Walk away. She has many issues to sort out. And you do not want to be caught up in her mess. Tell her you care about her but you will no longer put yourself through this and walk away. If she decides she will leave her marriage and loves you, ask her to give you a call. Otherwise, you are just wasting your time. And wasting your opportunity to find a woman who can love you freely and completely. A woman who is available.Maybe this is not what you want to hear but it is the truth in my opinion. This is how I see the situation.Set yourself free. It will hurt for awhile but soon enough you will thank yourself for it because you will get over it and be happier. You will finally be free of the emotional torture and the uncertainty and being in a position where another person is in control of your own happiness. Don't wait for her decisions. Make your own. Take control of your own life.Find yourself an available woman without all the baggage.
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