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female
,
anonymous
writes: Why would a guy at work ... *treat me differently when I am alone to when I am with others? *confide in me his insecurities? * make excuses to keep in my presence longer, yet will not attend meetings alone with me? *look panic stricken if I am alone with him on some occasions, yet welcome it on others? *have 'soft eyes' for me and accept whatever I say even if it is negative but honest? *see him smile discreetly whenever I do or say something idiotic or stumble on my words? *be forgving to my occasional mistakes even though he is a perfectionist? *looks radically disappointed if I say I am avoiding him or leaving when he seems to want me around? yet not answer my occasional messages or texts even though they are not personal. E.g Are you Ok? We are both in our 50's and have had recent long term relationship problems with other people. He is still emotionally attached to his ex partner, and I am very inexperienced in these complicated relationship scenarios. I have been very supportive to him professionally over the past year and have grown very attached to him. I really would like to develop this friendship but it took me years to get over my ex and at 50+ time is cracking on. I am not sure if I am over reacting to his behaviour and afraid of making a fool of myself.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2006): He could be just looking for a friend, a confidante. Proceed carefully, dear. Focus 'only' on friendship and a good working relationship with this guy...nothing more. If he is still emotionally attached to his ex wife-this man is in emotional recovery. His insecurities, his panic stricken looks, his disappointement at your avoidance, are all huge red flags. He's clinging and these type of guys often do want a good, giving woman like yourself, want a woman who unwittingly becomes their human 'healing balm' while they attempt to recover from the exes. The problem for you in all this? You will always be stroking his ego, soothing his pain, always nurturing. It will be an unequal, unbalanced relationship, with his ex wife overshadowing this relationship. You will become the in-between woman who gives and gives and gives...and in the end, winds up the most hurt. Woman who do this, decieve themselves into hoping that she'll win him in the end, but she rarely does. The emotionally crippled man usually heals in time, but when he does, many of them have been known to move on to another woman-one who doesn't remind him of his painful convalescence. Never play the part of the nurturing, in-between woman. From all you said...his heart is still broken; he's still thinking about his ex. He's not ready to love again and won't be for some time. Move on and find someone who can give in return.
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