A
female
age
36-40,
*phemeral
writes:Solve my problem pls!! I want a solution! I need a solution! I need it now!! THis guy has been playing me like a violin! I tried to end it but I keep going back when he calls me... we weren't even in a relationship because he has issues. I am a really nice girl... really nice... who praises themself rite? But I am. I have lived a sheltered life... parents are like my friends.. they mean the world to me and I would NEVER do anything to disrespect them or disappoint them. In fact I try to be the poster child for the perfect kid... I try to keep myself in check all the time cuz I'd never wanna hurt my loved ones. Its really hard for me to accept that anyone would want to hurt me... he really has hurt me and I want a solution now. I want him back... he sai dhe lvoed me but cannot commit... then he even proposes that we try the couple thing.. but the next day no calls or texts... This is I tried to end it b4 but he called me over and I went cuz I am weak when it comes to him. But after that night he hasnt contacted me. I dont get why... I don't want to seem like a desperate female, so I havent called or texted him either. I know I dot need a man... but I feel like I need him... I fell so hard... I dont get why. I have always been so strong and have had a cool strong head on my shoulders and he has messed it up. I want him... but since he isnt calling- I have my pride... I shan't call him or text him. But I need ot know NOW how to get over him. I am losing it! I don't want this anymore... I feel Like i don't know who I am anymore. I am devastated...
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female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (6 July 2008):
 Well, cudos to you for NOT calling him or stooping to that level. If he were truly playing you like a violin, you'd be calling. So bravo to you.
I agree with the other posters that you have to come to the conclusion that this is not the man for you. Would you really want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? Until you realize that you are fighting a futile effort, you will be stuck...stuck on him. Right now you are dreaming that he will change and you will get what you want from him but I am going to be honest and tell you that he will not change.
I won't kid you, it will take time. Do this though, get a calendar and focus on how long it's been since you haven't contacted him. One week, two weeks and pretty soon it will be 10 weeks and eventually you will learn that you can live fine without him. You don't need him. Remember all the pain he put you through. Write it down. Read it over and over and then decide what you DO want in a relationship. I know that after telling yourself over and over that he is not a nice person that eventually you will do a full circle and KNOW in your heart that YES you deserve better and you will go after it.
Unfortunately, the only thing that helps is time and being good to yourself. And also as Gekko says, lean on your family and friends.
Take care,
A
female
reader, KEY2URHEART32 +, writes (6 July 2008):
My Dear Friend...You Say You Want A Solution...Well Here It Is...Your Solution Is You...What I mean by that is that you only have control over yourself and what you allow someone to do to you and how you react to what it is that they are doing. I agree with you...when you say that this guy is playing you like a violin and the reason why is because you have set the stage for him to play...you have not demonstrated enough courage to leave this guy alone...each time he has called you with his laudry list of bull...you have given in. You have to decide if you really want to be with this guy...if you do then what you have to do is make him work for your affection not the other way around...(not saying to be nasty or crude)what I mean by that is that this guy needs to know that you have a life outside of him with other exciting activities,goals and other people to fill it. If he thinks that you are just sitting around waiting for the next time for him to call with another load of laundry(BS) then that is what he will continue to do...You have to break him and let him know with or without him your life continues on and that you will not wither and die if he is absent from your life. If you don't want this guy back all the better continue to live your life and the right one will come to you. But you have to stick to your decision if you decide to let this guy go...show him that your are confident and strong even if you are not feeling it...it will come.
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A
female
reader, KEY2URHEART32 +, writes (6 July 2008):
My Dear Friend...You Say You Want A Solution...Well Here It Is...Your Solution Is You...What I mean by that is that you only have control over yourself and what you allow someone to do to you and how you react to what it is that they are doing. I agree with you...when you say that this guy is playing you like a violin and the reason why is because you have set the stage for him to play...you have not demonstrated enough courage to leave this guy alone...each time he has called you with his laudry list of bull...you have given in. You have to decide if you really want to be with this guy...if you do then what you have to do is make him work for your affection not the other way around...(not saying to be nasty or crude)what I mean by that is that this guy needs to know that you have a life outside of him with other exciting activities,goals and other people to fill it. If he thinks that you are just sitting around waiting for the next time for him to call with another load of laundry(BS) then that is what he will continue to do...You have to break him and let him know with or without him your life continues on and that you will not wither and die if he is absent from your life. If you don't want this guy back all the better continue to live your life and the right one will come to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2008): Well if he caused you this much pain, why would you want him. You need to be strong. You need to for once call on the help from your family and friends to support you. This gives you a lot more strength.
Getting over someone isn't easy. It really isn't easy. But again with the support from friends and family you can do it. It makes it easier.
Then you realize you don't need him. But it does take time, and continous effort to get over him.
He is messing with you. He is playing you. You know this. Why don't you want to be happy with someone who won't treat you badly?! Why would he be more important than someone who would call you every night before he goes to sleep?! Why would you choose him over someone who would love you forever more, and marry you?!
You want him to be all of these things. But he isn't, and might never be. He doesn't want to hurt you, he wants to control you, and you shouldn't be controlled. How can you care for your family then?!
I'm sorry its such a hard and firm answer, but if you understand that hes not the best man in the world, then there is the best man in the world waiting for you.
You can be happy! You can be the model child for your parents! But somethings holding you back, somethings preventing this and your happiness. And its him. Find someone who will rocket you through happiness and out the other end for the rest of your life.
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A
male
reader, edogg +, writes (6 July 2008):
just get over him! hes not for you theres someone special out ther for you. you should never change or forget who you are for anyone
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