A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in such a mess. I was with a guy for a year and we had a great relationship then things came to an abrupt end, he was moving away with work and we mutually agreed it wouldn't work because of the distance. We agreed to remain friends but he said after a few months he couldn't do it as he loved me too much and speaking constantly etc was upsetting him when he couldn't be with me. That was last June and although I've tried contacting him since, he hasn't spoken a word to me since then and ignores me completely. I never really got over him. Beginning of December my best male friend, who I saw almost as a brother, admitted he had feelings for me. After speaking to my close friends and family about it I decided to give a relationship with him a go. People said we had a good basis for a relationship.. Know eachother inside out, been friends for years, get on well with eachothers friends and families etc and I know this guy is perfect for me, far too good for me in fact. On paper everything looks perfect, but I cannot get my ex out of my head. I've tried everything to get over him, time on my own, space, distance, holidays, throwing myself into work and now throwing myself into this new 'perfect' relationship. But I cannot move on and I'm scared that im going to end up hurting the new guy. Someone please give me some advice, this is such a mess.
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male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (29 January 2013):
 From what I am reading, you are struggling because you are probably comparing this guy to your ex. Perhaps this guy doesn't measure up in certain aspects.
In addition, you've only been broken up 6 months. I know when I broke up with an "ex" I didn't feel "right" for nearly a year. Sometimes it takes longer, especially since your relationship broke up because you weren't right for one another, but because of life getting in the way. I am sure there is a sense of anger and only "what if".
Take things slow with this new guy. If he is a keeper, continue to see him, if not, you have every right to explore other opportunities. If you honestly feel you aren't ready for a relationship and taking it to the next level with this new guy, be matter of fact about it. Guys appreciate honesty -- especially before things get too serious on his side.
However, listen to your inner self. If it is having conflicting emotions, particularly betrayal to your ex, you may have to push pause on this relationship. Failing to do that, you'll not only be emotionally cheating on your boyfriend, but you'll be cheating yourself.
Eddie
A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (29 January 2013):
 Maybe you can't get over the ex because you're with a man you're not really into. Maybe you still need time to heal from your previous relationship, or maybe the current boyfriend is simply not doing it for you. I mean, it's not objective to say that you have had a line of failed relationships after your ex. You have only been with one man since him. And top top it off it's a man:1. "I saw almost as a brother"2. "People said we had a good basis for a relationship.. Know eachother inside out, been friends for years, get on well with eachothers friends and families etc"Frankly from your description, this reads more like a relationship born out of convenience than love or attraction. Your ex is not talking to you, and after 6 months of being rejected your friend confesses he has feelings for you. You give him a chance with your family and friend's blessings. You keep calling it a perfect relationship, but do tell, how is it perfect? You never listed one thing about his personality that draws you in or makes you want to stick it out for the long haul. I think it's time to face the reality. You're not in a perfect relationship. You don't even sound like you're even half interested or in love with this man. He's your rebound dude, or simply a guy you're not really interested in being with.
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