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Things with my man went cold, then hot. Now they're cold again! What's going on?

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Question - (14 December 2005) 2 Answers - (Newest, 15 December 2005)
A female , anonymous writes:

I have have on on-off relationship with my boyfriend for 7 years. Things finally came to a head 2 years ago when he was caught cheating on me. He left me devastated and moved away.

I eventually got my life back, got a brill job, moved to another country and basically moved on. I knew he was in a new relationship and I left him alone. I would have the odd late nite drunken phone call from him, but did not answer.

Suddenenly the calls became more frequent and I became more curious! I answered, he had finished the relationship and wanted to see me. He said he had changed and I let him back. He traveled a long distance to see me.

Since them things have gone from strength to strenghth. He has said he missed me so much when I am not with him amd loves me. Suddenly last weekend, after time with the 'boys', he rang to say he wanted to finish the relationship. He loves me but is not in love with me and will not marry me. I have not rang him and he has not rang me since.

I am just plain confused.... what do you think?

View related questions: drunk, long distance

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2005):

its sounds like you had moved on and got together a great life by moving away which is great and i really admire you, but it looks like his gotten selfish and is feelings are all confused and is trying to get you back, but you should really understand that it sounds like he is confused on his feelings and is just going ot leave you heartborken again. I think you should just ignore his calls and messages and get on with your life, i assume it would have taken you alot to get over the fact he cheated on you and you have stayed strong and moved on and got yourself a great job, i really dont think its his decision on weather on not u 2 should get back together, i think its yours. But really his not worth it and i think you should keep going with your job and maybe look around for a nice guy that will treat you with alot more respect. good luck

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2005):

This boys is serious playing games with you. I think because i been in a this same places except didn't move countries. Leave him alone even though it may be hard, but it will be harder if you stay around and let him toy with your heart. Say you can be friends with him, but before you say that take some time off and get over him. If you says that he wants to be wtih you again make him wait and see if he is true. If he is true than he will wait as long as it takes. Also, what i learned that if he really loves you he will give you the last piece of food. I know it sounds kind of funny, but its true. Because it will kind of show that he cares more about your hungry than his own. If you hanging with his boys and him see how acts around you. A lot of boys care what their boys think of them. I think that those boys aren't good boyfriends, but if you love him you need to show that you are bother by that. My sister always said there are plenty of fishes in this world pick other one. Finally, you know this boy still cares about you since you travel that far to see you. But don't damage your heart anymore. He is clearly just playing games seeing if he can always have him. He is showing his boys that he doesn't need a girl. Show him and make him feel like a fool when you act like you don't care right back. If he really loves you he will do anything in his power to get you back. Even in front of his friends. Make him feel like a fool give him time by himself and if he continues to call talk to him, but just as if you were friends. Don't be mean to him, but don't open up your feelings till you know he is true. Play with his mind by when he calls have guys in the background. If he gets mad than you know he cars that you are not just focused on him. Trust me if he really loves you he will come back. Give him his space. Make him really miss you.

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