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*tapler
writes: A few months ago, things were not going so well with the Mrs. Financial stress and me being at school a lot was tearing us apart. Long story short, we grew apart, considered divorce, then decided to try to fix everything. The thing is that I can't find any motivation. I feel like too much 'damage' has been done. She's finally being nice to me, and getting along with me, and 'wanting' me. I just don't feel attracted anymore. What should I do?[[[
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2005): WELL TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH IT IS QUITE EASY TO DECIDE. YOU BOTH HAVE BEEN THROUGH SOME ISSUES AND NOW THE ATTRACTION IS GONE AFTER HAVING TO PUT YOURSELF THROUGH ALL OF THAT DRAMA.iT'S UNDERSTANDABLE AND NORMAL TO FIND YOURSELF NOT AS ATTRACTED TO THE OTHER PERSON AT THIS POINT NOW THAT YOU KNOW THIS IS HOW YOU FEEL,YOU NEED TO LET THIS PERSON KNOW THAT.This can either end with the both of you sitting down and talking and maybe seeing a therapist or this could be the begining of an akward and occasionally messy situation.
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reader, heyitsme09876 +, writes (23 May 2005):
Okay, this one isn't as difficult as it probably feels to you right now. This is one of the rocky parts that ,if you get through it together, will actually make you stronger as a couple. First things first, don't get so stressed out about it. Stop looking at your marriage as damaged. As long as you see it that way, it is! Try to look at your wife with fresh eyes. Chances are that you'll see that she has tried to be supportive of your pursuit of higher education. You really must try to see that you are very lucky to have someone that won't just give up on your marriage. The whole attraction issue might be resolved if you can see her as a catch again. Focus on what is really good about her. Think back to the things that caused that initial attraction. Things aren't really so different now, are they? If it's still not there for you, touch her more often. It doesn't even have to be sexual. Kiss her before you leave. Hug her a few more times a day. Go through the whole dating phase again where it was more of a goal than a marital right. Shake things up a little bit. Maybe you just need it to be new territory. If all else fails, go to couple's counceling. Once upon a time, you wanted to be with her forever. It's worth the time and the money to try to resolve this. Good luck!
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