A
male
age
30-35,
*ust Another Lover
writes:Hey, I am a 15 year old boy, and I have to chose between two girls in a few hours, both of whom I have feelings for, and neither of whom have an indication of what internal turmoil I am currently going through... The first girl, I had met shyly at a Tai-Kwon-Do tournament. we didn't say much the first one, but the next time, we chatted, my parents eyed her and I got nudged in her direction. No one was in her division for the sparring part of the tournament, so she was moved up to my belt level. As the administrators separate the male and female sparring divisions, I did not actually fight her. Instead, my parents and I watched ringside and cheered her on. Although I believe she lost, I still gave her a "good job! :)" as I would do win or lose. After we had gotten the trophies, my parents had the smart (no sarcasm here) idea to have us stand together, with our trophies, for a picture. Both of our parents exchanged email addresses for the pictures (which I believe were neglected to be sent). We talked for a minute or two about the tournament, then we parted to change clothes. As I walked toward the door to exit (after changing), I saw her, she saw me, and she rose to give me a hug (I have not seen her do this display with anyone else). I gave it back, and smiled, said something like "see you in class" or something along those lines, she was clearly very interested in me. (I reflect that getting her number had not even crossed my mind, for I had yet to foray into the field of dating and had no experience whatsoever as to maintaining contact with a girl). Then we left, not to see each other for a few months. After those few months I saw her again at her testing for her new belt rank. We talked some more, this time with less small talk. More in depth conversations were held, like, "what school do you go to?" "what hobbies" "what sports", things like that. But yet again, no exchanging of numbers. After that, I did not see her again for quite some time. (So long that I had thought that she quit Tai-Kwon-Do)The second girl, I have been going out with for 3 months, 15 days, 3 hours, and 57 minutes. (She happens to be on the phone as I type!). We have talked for over a year now, and we have been through a LOT! I cannot give such a detailed account as I have above, simply because I do not have time to write such a novel, but here are the main points: She was seeing my ex-best friend when we first started talking. That makes it sound like I stole her, which I didn't. He dumped her. Hard. I was there to pick up the pieces, and he have been ever so happy that I was. For I talked to her more than her last boyfriend did. I cared more… I still do… We flirted, and she even openly said to me that if she had met me first, she would be going out with me.She had tried to give me advice on how to ask out girl number 1, but since I did not see her, I did not get the chance. She had tried to set me up with one of her friends, which almost worked… You see, we had planned for me to met her friend, while girl number 2 and I were just friends, but then her boyfriend dumped her, and I was going to have to chose at the zoo. I had whispered "I love you" into the phone late the night before, and later did I find out that she did the same. I placed her hand on my heart and told her I loved her at that zoo… she said it back, with tears in her eyes…. We had talked every single day since. (forgive me if I start to falter in my typing, I am struggling to remain coherent, as it is 3:14 A.M.)We have gone through so much together… a heartbreak… parental problems… our first trip apart… an injury on top of a mountain… a happy reunion, an anniversary, and a gift… a dead kitten… several trips to Disney! :)... simply every day emotions, and more! It pains me to think of how much I have invested in her… A side note: I had seen girl number 1 while visiting girl number 2's school registration. It made my heart jump with both fear and something else. I turned my head so she did not recognize me. She cares about me deeply. Lets face it, she's head over heels in love with me. As I was too for a time… and who knows, may still be? And she will be devastated if I hurt her. Whenever there is the tiniest hint of distress in my voice, she is the first to ask what's wrong. She tries her dearest to help me with any task, and is devoted toward me in everyway. I have no complaints… save for the fact that she is a bit jealous. Being jealous is ok, its natural, I am a bit as well, however, she analyzed my texts and phone records. She was upset that I was texting a female when the thought I was asleep. (I had truly planned on going to bed, I told her such) The female was two grades below me, and we were truly just friends… although I had a sneaking, no, I knew she liked me, but I did not allow it to develop further. I finally convinced her to go paintballing with me on Saturday! Which took more work than I thought. She was afraid of being hit. It wasn’t so bad until my dad shot her, thinking it was me. It was going to turn out to be a great day… until girl number 1 texted me. I had given her my number at her request at the beginning of the week. I thought she was not going to text me, or typed it in her phone wrong, so I thought no more of it. Girl number 2 obviously didn't like that. She knew who number 1 was. She was going to text her for me, I said I would handle it later. She saw that this was an attempt to text while I was not in her presence. She later said that she trusted me… that… that's one of the worst parts. I talked with her this evening… she can tell something is wrong, but I cannot tell her… Her and her mom have gone out to get supplies for a "make your own pizza night"… that doesn't help… She looks forward to the nights that we can actually spend together and wake up next to each other, not miles apart… She looks forward to the summer, so we can spend every day together… and, of course, she is one to look forward to wedding day…. We had everything planned. From what college to where to propose. It was all going to work out. We were both convinced. From talking to her, she might have some idea of what is coming. She said:"I will always love you"Me: "Always?'"Always.""No matter what stupid things I might do?""No matter what." I told her that she would always have a special place in my heart. She said like I was leading up to a breakup (I might have been. I might have been readying myself) I told her I wasn't. She had said earlier that the only way she could stop loving me is if I cheated on her. I asked her what she considered cheating. She replied: even talking about going out with another girl. Well, another girl asked me out… I didn't say so of course. Later she said that she could never stop loving me. She said even if I did, she couldn't stop. I don't deserve her love right now…. I tucked her in over the phone tonight. And it saddens me to the very core of my being to think that that could be the last time I do so…. I was texting Girl number 1 earlier today. We flirted. There, I said it. We flirted. I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't have, but I did. I couldn't help it. I was attracted to her earlier, and still was... am… I don't know... And now she has asked me out for this weekend. I said that I would have to check with my mom, who was out of town, and would be back on Monday. Guess what day it is? You got it! Monday! 3:20 A.M.! Girl number 2 and I ALWAYS do something on the weekend. We have never missed one since we started dating, and there would be no excuse. I am trapped. I have intense feelings for them both. I don't know if it is my need to try other people before I can be sure of my feelings for girl number 2, or am I just attracted to girl number 1? I can't hurt either! If thinks don't work out with girl number 1 and I want to go back to girl number 2, what would happen? I would be akin to a dog with his tail between his legs, shameful and beaten. I can't stand the thought of girl 2 crying. And I cant stand the thought of never seeing her again. It hurts to think I will be leaving her, but I don't want the regret of not knowing what I could have had with Girl number 2. As the tears start to fall on my keyboard and my head starts to droop I realize that I only have a few hours before I break a girl's heart. My heart's already torn and bleeding. I am sorry If I had taken too much of your time. My rant is endless. I could go on for volumes, but alas, time is, yet again, my enemy. It's 4:00 A.M. and I am a but a humble 15 year old torn between two beautiful, fun, funny, brilliant, young women. I have no where else to turn. I am asking. I am pleading. And I have been reduced to a beggar . I beg of you to listen to my woeful (if poorly written) tale. I would be forever in your debt if you can help.What should I do? And how should I let them know? In desperation, yours truly, Just a Another Lovertrue love doesnt mean youll never brake up it means you'll always get back together
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a break, anniversary, debt, flirt, get back together, jealous, my ex, shy, text, trapped, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Just Another Lover +, writes (28 September 2009):
Just Another Lover is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI also have another point to add to the situation. My homecomming is comming up, (maybe two weeks at the most) and, of course, I am not sure what to do. Girl #2 wants to go of course, and she may have even picked out a dress. Girl #1's school isn't having a homecomming, so she said that she has nothing to look forward to. If I were to take one of them, what should I do? Keep a promise to take girl #2 to homecomming? Should I take anyone at all?
Once again, yours truly, the confused,
Just Another Lover
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2009): stay with the girl who loves you. girl 1, is lust, girl two, is lust.
never leave the one you love for the one you like, because the one you like may leave you for the one she loves
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2009): Um great.... By the way why do you have to rush your decision and make it tonight?! Gosh, seriously i'd draw up a list of tgheir pros and cons and then choose
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2009): Clearly you are not ready to settle down with either girl, particularly the one who speaks of marriage, etc. Men like challenges and the pursuit; that's what is attractive about the new girl.
Why not just back off both relationships and see how things turn out?
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