A
female
age
51-59,
*uzuki
writes:Im dating a guy who has a ten year old daughter that he has sole custody for. The ex has only come back recently and takes the daughter every fortnight. Ive a couple of issues Im trying to get my head round at the minute. Firstly, I brought up the subject of arranging something to include the child, and even though it wasnt dismissed, it wasnt really jumped at either. I have discovered that there has only been one girl introduced to the child and when they split up she was upset. So Im thinking now just let him decided if and when I meet her. I was only trying to let him know that Im not opposed to the idea of getting to know her etc. Another thing is, he seems to drink and party an awful lot when his daughter is away, and thats when I obviously get to see him. Im not used to this and end up going with the flow but I would like to do more interesting things that dont involve booze, and he has agreed to do this, but we havnt done any as yet. Hes not a lovey dovey type of guy and Im used to men that make great effort to let me know that they are into me. Short and tall of it Im wondering should I bother with this. Ive never dated a guy with a child before, especially sole custody, Im thinking he just wants company instead of something more serious if i dont get to have a chance to involve his daughter. I have met her, but in the company of others. Is there a time limit I should put on this and say...right it doesnt seem to be moving anywhere and if Im not important enough to be included in his whole life just bale? I just feel like there is no honeymoon period, and Im not feeling special like I usually do...or am I just being a drama queen and should realise that he has more important things to worry about like raising his daughter and having a good time, now that he gets a chance to have some time to himself?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, suzuki +, writes (20 July 2009):
suzuki is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Sweetthing, just wanted to answer your question on the divorce thing. It was the ex wife had an affair and was heavily into drugs. He kicked her out 8 years ago and got sole custody of the child. She recently came back with new man and new baby wanting to be involved, and the daughter was asked if wanted to get to know mum and she said yes....so hence the contact..
A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (20 July 2009):
 You are not being a drama queen at all. It is just a simpler fact that dating people with children will throw complications into a relationship, for one or the other will complain they dont have the time and/or attention they crave. You did nothing wrong.As for me, I simply will and do not date women that have small children, or even teenage children. They will always be conflicted as to how to divvy up their time(which is unfair to everyone involved), and then it makes for resentments either way it goes. That was simply my choice. It may not be other's choices, so it may be interesting to hear what others have to say.If you feel like you can continue with the knowledge that blood is thicker than water, then by all means do. But I think you already know that this is a path that will lead to nowhere. Because the kid isn't going anywhere, and most likley neither is this relationship.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (20 July 2009):
 Could be his drinking led to his divorce. It seems to be an escape. I think he's just not that into you and I also think you have higher standards than this guy does, which may be another reason he's divorced. I too made the mistake of involving myself with a guy that did not meet my standards; wasn't affectionate, was short-tempered, drank too much, acted "too single" for my comfort zone and I can tell you 3 years later he wasn't any different. You have to be the judge of whether you want to waste your time or not. I think he is what he is. Take it or leave it. Women always think a man is "just going through a phase" and so we allow bad behavior when we need to realize he's just being himself, ass that it may be and move on. Best wishes sweetie!
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