A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I still remember the day I found out I was pregnant. It was on July 27th, but it some how feels so long ago. I look back and think, "Did all of that really happen, in only a months worth of time?" It seems almost unbelievable to me. How my life fell apart, my relationship fell apart and how much I gained and lost through the whole experience. I ask myself if I will ever recover from this. I ask myself, "Will I ever be the same person again?"The answer is, no probably not. I'm not sure if it will be for the better or for the worse. I am more scared now of the future then I have truly ever been.When I first told my boyfriend I was pregnant, he was unsure whether or not to be believe me. Could we really rely on a store bought pregnancy test? Would something that was worth only ten dollars, change our whole life?Well when I came back from my doctors appointment. Sure enough I was pregnant. It hadn't even hit me yet. It didn't even feel real to me at all, I never thought in a million years. I would be pregnant! I mean I'm only fifteen years old. How did this happen to me?I knew that as a young girl I was forced to face 'grown up' desicions. As the days went on, it started to become more real to me. I have a baby inside my stomach, and this baby is mine!My boyfriend and his family pleaded for me to keep the baby, with a mountain of promises that came with it. But the reality is, how could they really help me at all? My boyfriend was a drug addict and was clearly not in a stable enviroment. Was my baby going to grow up in this enviroment? At first my mother was not supportive at all. She cried, she yelled, this was her worst nightmare, and I couldn't argue with that. I knew I had disappointed her in the worst way of all.As days grew into weeks, my mother became more supportive of me. We had talks into the early hours of the morning. I would sit with her and cry. I was truly distraught, my mind was every where. I wasn't sure what desicion to make. What was I going to do? Eventually at that point, my boyfriend and I hardly talked about my pregnancy anymore. The subject was raw and I think we just wanted to believe that this wasn't really happening to us and if we just didn't talk about it - it would go away on it's own. When I was six weeks pregnant, I finally made the desicion to have an Abortion. It was scheduled for August 26th, that's when I was approaching my eighth week mark.My plan was to get an abortion, and tell my boyfriend I miscarried and simple was that. We could all move on with our lives.I decided this because after all the promises my boyfriend made, I knew they were never going to come true. He would never get a job, he would never stop doing drugs, and he would never stop getting in trouble. Funny, it didn't work that way. A week before my Abortion, I didn't think I could go through with it. Thats when I started to become in denial. I didn't believe in Abortion after all and I thought to myself, "I can do this, my boyfriend will end up being there for me, he will get a job." "He will never ever leave me"Two days before my Abortion, I told my boyfriend I was planning on having one and if we wanted to keep it, then we had to be serious about it and the desicion would have to be made right then and there. After thinking and talking, we decided to keep the baby. When I went to go home to deliver the news to my mother. The telephone rang and it was my boyfriend, he told me his Uncle was taking him and he would be back in seven months. I was still going to keep the baby, until the day of the Abortion. My boyfriend and I got into a fight and he told me to get an Abortion, so I did. I was done playing games with him. I wanted this nightmare to end. Now, I am no longer pregnant and I am boyfriendless. We haven't spoken since our argument and I learned today, he skipped town with his ex girlfriend. I guess the whole thing about his Uncle wasn't true after all. We haven't even been broken up for a week yet. So that just proves what kind of father he would of been, and what kind of boyfriend he always was. I'm angry. I'm very angry with him. How could he leave me? We were together for almost a year, and he walks away after ONE WEEK? That truly truly breaks my heart.Now I am stuck to face the consequences of my Abortion, all alone. Sometimes I wish that I could just go back. I knew I could of raised that baby all on my own, if I really tried. Teenage mothers do it everyday, so why couldn't I? Well it's too late. It's been done and it can never be undid.Through out the month I knew I was pregnant, I wished that I could of had a different boyfriend, with a different family. Maybe he would of been serious about having a baby, maybe he would of took on full responsiblity. I have alot of dreams that will never come true.I pray to my baby every night. I tell my baby that I love them and even though I don't know who they are, hey I don't even know what gender my baby is. I miss him/her everyday.It will ALWAYS be my first child, and no matter which way you shade it, bend it or spin it. That's something you can never take back or replace. That baby will ALWAYS have a special place in my heart.May God bless teenage mothers.
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abortion, be pregnant, drugs, ex girlfriend, his ex, move on, pregnancy test Reply to this Article
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female
reader, ffogalilly  +, writes (15 September 2009):
Teenage mothers are not the only ones who go through this. I am 28 and had an abortion in April, I was pro-choice, but like you I knew the father would never be in the child's life and I had no way of supporting me and the child alone. I learned from my mistake, get on Birth Control, and always use protection. My child was due Nov. 27th there has to be some way I can remember him. I was only 6 weeks along, but I gave it a gender and a name. I think you know in your heart you did the right thing, it just takes time to process things. I know it has for me, I would recommend seeing a counselor its been a big help for me. At times I do regret my decision, I really do, but I think my punishment is that I have to live with it for the rest of my life. Go on with your life and be successful in whatever you do!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2009): Sometimes, there isn't any "right" thing to do, only a best thing to do. And even that is subjective. I am personally pro-choice, but I'm sorry you even had to make that choice. You must be a very strong person. I think you should never forget your baby, but also keep going; I know it's hard, but you have to move on sooner or later. Continue your education and, eventually, get a job. Remember that, if your baby could talk to you right now, I'm sure he or she wouldn't want you to be sad forever. He or she would want you to learn to be happy again and make the most of your life.Best of luck.
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