A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm getting married in nearly two weeks. Yet I'm torn between so many problems. First one is about my fiance. I love him to death and he's a great guy but something happened on his bachelor night. A couple of weeks ago I told my fiance's best man that I felt bad my fiance wasn't going to have a bachelor party when I was going to have a hen party. I'm a pretty open minded person and said that its okay to have a stripper but keep things clean (even if I said no to a stripper they'd still get one). Anyways, after that, I didn't hear from the best man so I guessed that nothing was going to happen. So on my hen party I went out, had fun then came back home. My fiance wasn't there so I tried calling his phone and it was off. His phone is never off. So I called his best man (cause they always hang out together) and asked to talk to Lars. I found out then that there was a bachelor party for my fiance. So I was upset, I felt it was very sneaky. When my fiance came home he told me that the stripper accidently scratched him on his chest. I made him show me and well its a huge long scratch. Now I'm hurt, disgusted, pissed off, mad as hell and on the verge of tears when I think of a half naked woman leaving a mark on the man I want to marry. What am I to do? We've been fighting about this. I'm so mad at him and especially his best man for letting this happen. Aparently the stripper was drunk and I even found out that she grabbed his crotch. What the hell am I supposed to do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2008): I have every sympathy for you, Iam due to be married in April and face the same problem, the best man is planning a stripper, to make matters worse I have heard and read that strippers can get really dirty. I understand how hurt you must feel but if you want your new marraige to get through this then try to find a way to lay this to rest, remember most men do not find strippers a turn on and only go along with it due to stupitd male bravado.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008): I agree with the lady who answered below (LJ001). I completely understand how you must feel ie angry, upset, tears of upset & anger etc and I would feel the same. Of course you're upset and with good reason, he's about to be your husband and for sure you don't want a stripper (or any other woman for that matter) messing around him. However, as you agreed to it, there's not much you can do. When you said 'keep it clean' you only had a certain amount of control over that because whilst your husband and his best man may well have gone along with that 'keeping it clean' instruction, it could easily get a bit more out of hand with a whole bunch of tipsy or drunk men and you know how groups of men can be when they get together and drink they can be very silly and immature.
I'm sure that no-one meant to upset or offend you, least of all your husband or the best man and they'd probably be genuinely horrified if they thought they had really offended you and also he might not have wanted to look like a spoilsport on his own stag night in front of them all also he might have been drunk. It's a total one off by the sounds of it. I would not like it either. My partner told me there was a stripper at a work party he was at once and that she was going a bit near the mark and I was disgusted and upset. It's a horrible feeling I know but don't let it ruin your wedding or cause you to fall out with him.
Just get it out of your system but don't let it cause an argument between you and him. He'll never see that stripper again and she'll be doing the same thing over and over again at other stag nights it's just her job and she's doing it for the money.
I agree with the other poster, it's you he loves, it's you he is marrying but I think this is a good time ie at the start of the marriage, to ensure what your standards and feelings are re this sort of thing so he knows what is expected of him and that he can't just go down the pub and get carried away on stag nights etc .. Just handle it carefully because the last thing you want is a big row right before the wedding and this is not worth creating bad feeling between you and him.
I'm genuinely sorry you are feeling so upset I know how it is. I once phoned my boyfriend when he was away on a course and for a 'joke' (ha ha bloody ha!) his colleagues thought it would be funny to let a woman (someone else who was on the course) answer his mobile phone to me. I was so upset I burst into tears of upset and anger there and then (he himself had previously wound me up about her flirting with him in the sauna) and he could not see what I was getting so upset about he just said it was a joke but because he was hundreds of miles away that somehow made me feel even worse and I could only speak to him in the evenings when the course lectures were over, so I was already missing him etc and finding it a bit hard (I love this idiot you see!!) anyway when he came home he apologised because he did actually realise how childish he and they were being and that it had actually upset me. Anyway, have a lovely lovely wedding enjoy your big day and once you have spoken to him about it, forget it and move forward. Best wishes xx
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (18 February 2008):
 It was a bachelor party, so tell him off and then forget it. Why ruin your future because of one drunk night, and anyway the chances of you finding out the truth are very slim, as men do tend to stick together. If he is normally trustworthy and good to you, its most likely just a blip.
Hope you wedding goes well XXX
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (18 February 2008):
 When there is plenty of alcohol and women , things may get out of hand.
It is unfortunate that it turned out that way.You cannot changed what happened but you have to look at it from a matured view point and let this incident go because it was unexpected and it just happened.
Move on and do not let this issue fester and grow like cancer and kill off your love for him.
It is not worth destroying a love that you have build up over one single and careless incident which was not the fault of your b/f.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008): Look, you did say that he could have a stripper.. They're not going to just stand there half naked and look at him are they? Especially as he is the reason the party is going to go ahead. You've just got to try and get over it, I know it's hard, but nothing can be done now can it? He can't go back, and yes, it was sneaky and he shouldn't have done it, so make him learn his lesson. Have a proper talk with him, not just an argument, and tell him it was just out of order. If my fiance had a bachelor party with a stripper I'd be horrified full stop, never mind if they were grabbing his crotch! But yes, as I said, just talk to him about it, get it off your chest (excuse the pun) and then get on with your wedding. If he wanted some other cheap girl, he would go get one. But he's in love with you and wants to spend the rest of his life with you, just keep that in mind. Good luck honey :]
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