A
female
age
41-50,
*onfused26
writes:My boyfriend and I have a perfect relationship.. well almost. I love him so much. He has a 4 year old from a previous relationship that I also adore and love as if he were my own. The problem, I am jealous of his ex because of this child. I envy her that she has a child by this man. I don't feel she deserves it because she cheated on him and as much as I love this child at times I find myself wishing that it would turn out not to be his. I know that is very wrong and immature of me, but why do I feel like this? I am not quite ready for children of my own (I'm only 26). I don't want to lose this man or his child in my life. I would feel better if we had custody of the child and wouldn't have to deal with her at all, but I know that is not possible. So how do I get over this??
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2007): i would be jealous too. you are sweet enough to love the child. (i would be jealous of the child too.)
well you might have kids with your boyfriend one day and if you do you will not be as jealous, if you don't, you'll find someone else. either way you will be happy.
A
female
reader, Pro. Psychology +, writes (5 June 2007):
You have not put enough time into this relationship. Don't worry, as long as you don't upset the child you will be fine. Try talking to your boyfriend about how he feels about her. Trust me, he will say the right things to make you feel a lot better. If you are not ready to have children, and you are honest about this, then you will get over the jealousy soon. You know how you feel deep down, and those feelings can not be diminished. Chances are your boyfriend loves you a lot too! Just remember, he is with you and he wants YOU to be there to spend time with him and his son. He's four years old and he will remember you the rest of his life. No matter what happens to you and his father. But his mom will always be there, she will fade, but you can't get rid of her. Sorry! I have step-kids too! It gets easier, I promise, just hang in there. If the baby gets attached it will hurt him too, if you leave!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2007): You have no choice but to accept everybody in this situation. I understand you completely. I would be exactly as jealous as you are. I used to date a single dad too. But I was jealous of the little daughter also. Because I wanted to be the first in his life not second. That's why I don't accept men with children in my life. They are a threat to my future peace and happyness. You have been mature enough to accept his child with another woman from the beginning. I think you are mature enough to work out this envy stuff.
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A
female
reader, kazzie_m  +, writes (4 June 2007):
But that wouldn't be fair to the child because he needs his mother.He also needs his dad and he needs you too. All of you working together as a team ensuring that the child has a balanced and happy childhood. Thats whats important, not his mother cheating on your partner or you having to see her. I think that you feel threatened because he has a link to this woman through their child.From your boyfriends point of view he literally only communicates with her becaause of his child otherwise he wouldn't talk to her at all and as the child gets older the need for him to talk to his ex becomes less and less as the child will sort his own arangements for coming over. Your boyfriend sounds nice. do not let your insecurity ruin your oppotunity for true happiness.His ex moved on the minute she cheated on your boyfriend now you need to either accept the situation as it is or move on to someone without a child.
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