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female
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*owie
writes: My partner and I have been together for around 19 months. We are both divorcees and now live happily in a blended family. Recently I unexpectedly but happily discovered I'm pregnant and expecting our first(and last)baby together in November.My partner is 39 and I'm 32. At the beginning of our relationship (as always!) our sex-life was excellent, very fiery and passionate. I have previously been married for a number of years and realise that with time this dies down a little. But now I feel that we barely make love once a fortnight.My partner and I both arise quite early in the morning to go to our respective jobs. He always seems eager for me to have the children in bed by 8pm so we can have some 'us' time. But generally by the time I've put the girls to bed he is asleep and snoring on the lounge and becomes very annoyed when disturbed. If, upon going to bed, I hint that I'm interested in becoming intimate, he always says 'not tonight.'He only 'sometimes' becomes aroused at around 3am-4am in the morning when I'm asleep, and then, when it occasionally does happen it's a quick 2 minute affair, I barely wake up and it's all over!Recently my children spent 2 days at my parents' house. I was very excited at the prospect of indulging in passion without inhibitions, but it didn't happen. Again, he came home, had his dinner and then lay on the lounge and fell asleep. What do I do???I feel that at the moment I'm reaching my sexual peak and I really want to celebrate this with my partner, but feel in some respects like I'm sleeping with an old man!In every other way I love him to death, what can we do, if I ever start to try and engage in a conversation about sex he becomes annoyed at me. Please help!
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female
reader, Rowie +, writes (12 July 2006):
Rowie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear Malyce_Synn72; thanks so much for your detailed response, I really appreciate your views and the time it took you to respond! In answer to your question my partner has 3 lovely older children (11yrs - 16yrs) who stay with us every 2nd weekend and on holidays. We initially discussed and agreed that we would not have any children, but when we moved earlier this year things turned upside down and this was not to be. We were both at fault in this case. My partner and I are both very excited about our imminent child. He has exhibited extreme enthusiasm towards all the preparations for our baby, often coming home with a bundle of baby-related catalogues.In our previous marriages we were both severely burnt by circumstances that were beyond our control. We share very similar goals and have felt from the moment we met that we'd be together forever.We are very loving in all aspects. He tells me countless times a day that he loves me and often talks about our Wedding arrangements after the arrival of our baby. I have complete trust in him and always feel safe and secure with him around.The only area of our relationship that troubles me is our sex-life.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2006): It sounds like this pregnancy wasn't planned between the two of you.
Did he want to have other children? Did you openly discuss this topic with one another?
I think that if this is indeed an unplanned pregnancy; he is letting this unexpected event sour his love and trust in you...he has resentment big time. I know and understand it takes two...but right now, I don't think he is seeing it like that. Somewhere...someone dropped the ball.
I think you need to focus on addressing this possible issue first before the intamacy can resume. Afterall, the intamacy got you to this point in your relationship; and thus the lack of intrest.
I hope he comes around and realizes that he loves you and wanted to be with you for a reason.
It's okay for him to feel scared and like his life just went out of control. It's valid.
I think he needs your patience and friendship first.
Counselling will also aid you into getting back on track and it sounds like he needs it for himself as well.
I hope the best for you and your family.
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