A
female
age
30-35,
*armicIllusions
writes:In august I had dated this guy ( let's call him Kev )me and him had very hard problems and I asked him for some time off and he took it personally and he didn't even what to see me. During the time we dated he had introduced me to one of his friends ( let's call him J ). well this friend of him was having problems with his GF and stuff and Kev wanted me to give him advise on how to handle the break up that was gonna happen, but I managed to help him save the relashionship.During the past weeks, we started to become close; J and I, and we would always talk on msn almost everyday cause he would ask me for advise. I had already stopped talking to Kev but i'd hear rumors every now and then. As time kept passing now I was starting to talk on the phone with J cause we had become close pals. One day early in the morning we met up at Mc Donald cause he's studying to be a mechanic so next to where he studies theres a Mc Donald. Well that day I got early there and it was like the 2ND time I'd seen him in person.From then on we started to see each other every day in the morning and sometimes In the afternoon. all this happened and still having his Gf. One day we started flirting maybe to us it'd be like friends but if others saw us it was different towards them. One day being at Mc Donalds. I was sitting at the table with him and I blurred out to his friend on how I always wake up with a smile on my face and his friend looked and smiled then look at J and said " You see, thats a nice quality in a girl! " then in another occasion ( This is what J told me ) That his friends had invited him to the beach at night and they said " Hey why dont you invite your Gf she can get there in her car. " he says " My Gf doesn't have a car. " They look at him and say " Isn't your gf the one with the black car? " (my car is black soo yea) they had confused us being together cause we were close. Fact is he didn't invite me but I couldn't go but he wanted me to go.One day I had gotten out of class early and I didn't want to go home so I invited him out. We didn't have to much money I only had 4 dollars. So we bought Wendy's and we sat in the parking lot looking up at the clouds. It was really fun cause we had pushed the chairs back and we were laying down making fun of the fast clouds that passed. When we were sitting there we started talking bout everything an in that one moment I looked at him and he looked at me and it was that moment when you feel that pull, that magnetism to that other person. I wanted to kiss him but I looked away completely. After that we just chilled. By that time me and him had a bet of who would give in first and who cease the opportunities more so that night when I told him what I felt he was like " damn I should have kissed you I might have won the bet." During that time he was ignoring his GF more and more and he would call me more constantly for hours and hours. One day we were sitting in my car early in the morning before I left for a spiritual retreat ( oh lard xD ) I was messing around with him and I was sitting next to him and he got close to me and kissed me. After he did it he started shaking, he would look down and not face me he was really upset. He had told me how much he hated his father cause his father cheated on his mother and left them on the streets so he said he would never be like that, ever. I was really upset cause I had hurt him somehow. I felt like royal shit but he got close to me again and kissed me. At this point he had sat me on his lap, he grabbed my hands and started playing with my fingers. I placed my forehead against his and he looked up at me with his blue eyes I felt my heart skip, at that point I knew what I was feeling for him. We started nuzzling and cuddling and in occasional kiss each other until it was my time to leave for my retreat. ( Odd note when I was about to turn to leave his street, he was standing at the corner and looked at me with an upset face.) During the retreat he barely called me, if he called once it was to complain on how he was upset with is GF that had stood him up on a date they were supposed to have and that he was upset. I told him to go talk to her cause whining about wasn't gonna help. From then on I didn't hear from him till Monday when I went to see him. I stayed in my car cause I was kinda upset, so I called him to come out and we started messing around and I had showed him something I bought for me and him, a Hershey's lip gloss that I told him I'd find and I did and so he kissed me again. I'd say 4 times we might have kissed ( I mean kissing sessions as in alot of kisses no just 1 ). In one occasion it was in Mc Donald parking lot again and his friends saw him, that day they bitched at him and also advised him. One of his friends told him that infidelity hurt and that after noon he called me saying he couldn't do it anymore that he couldn't find a way to shake off his conscious. "I was frozen and I just hangup on his face and didnt even look for him for a few days, by then when I called him I was ok and we fixed things as friends. One other day we were sitting in my car and I got close to him to look at him and he placed his hat over his lips I took it off and this happened various times and out of nowhere he places his hands behind my head and kisses me but as fast he kissed me he pulled away saying that he couldn't do it. He had told me on how I was everything he wanted in a girl but when he met his Gf those dreams and likings faded, that he was mature enough that he had decided. Another day we were again in my car ( Im gonna name it the pimp mobile if I kiss him again in that car!! XD ) I was telling him how much I actually missed kissing him and he was saying he as gonna be loyal to his Gf and I told him smirking " Oh really? Want to bet? " He looked at me and said yes I got close to him and it didn't take me long to break him down and he kissed me, it was actually fun we giggle and laughed and we had said we were gonna do it again for the rest of the month and that would be the last of it forever. Thing was It was already getting to me so when I got home I called him and I said what was it that he wanted from me or expected from me and he said " I only want your friendship. " I told him " you want my friendship but you cant have it cause a line has been crossed and I have feelings for you and I know you have them too. " He said he didn't that he loved his GF and even though what happened he still expected to marry her and have a life with her. I asked if that was what he really wanted then he said I should get over it and say he never cared. He said it, that me and him never be anything ever that there was no hope for me and him we weren't a match. I hung up on his face and about 4 hours later he called me again and tried to fix things with me as friends I said no, cause I knew I had feelings for him and I couldn't ignore that. He finally admitted he had feelings for me that it shouldn't have ever gotten that way but even if he liked me he loved his gf and has loved her for almost 2 years now. He said he was deeply sorry what had happenedthat he never meant to hurt me. Since then we rarely talk he still calls to ask for advise I being the way I am I give it to him. about a week ago my ex Kev contacted me and said he was sorry about everything he had done to me and that he already knew what happened with me and J that he assumed it would happen. They dont talk anymore and they were BFF's. 4 days ago my ex had a bitch fit at me saying I was using him to make J jealous when that wasn't even the case I hadn't looked for him in a while cause I was hurt. When I asked him where he got that rumor from and it turned out J had told him that I was using him (kev) just to make him jealous. Now he's saying Im a hypocrite that I talk shit about people and then kiss up to them, the thing I believe in forgiving and if I want to be friends with my ex its my problem. But being friends with him is taking a toll on me cause he keeps bringing J up like if I had cheated on him with J. Including one day Kev said " I always thought of J as competition but the day he would beat me would be the day. Until one day he didn't what I never could. " I asked him what was it that J did that he; kev, didn't do. and he whispered " He made you fall in love. " I felt so horribly bad.. I wanted to die... Ive been noticing this harsh world against me now including things Kev has told me J and his GF have been doingwhich made me cry and just go into a depression cause those were things I could never do for him/to him. J always made me feel like I wasn't good enough compared to his Gf that she was a complete goddess and I was nothing it was all her. I'm 17, he's 19 and his GF is 21 or 22. I felt like a little girl that I couldn't do anything for him... I gave up and haven't contacted him cause I felt somewhat threatened by him. I told him " I wont ever tell what happened and I wont play the game of the furious hurt woman who tells your GF everything. I'll let you go and I'll walk away cause If you ever care for me I want you to look for me and be with me not me force you. " I dont know what to do cause he's turned into my Enemy when I haven't done anything to him and Im really hurt. I dont want to show people Im upset but I am really upset and I dont know what to do. I dont know if he ever really care or if he used me to fill in the void his GF was leaving, cause every time she wasnt there he would look for me but he would notice the small details. Smalls details like as in my scent, that it would stay on his jacket that it smelled nice. I remember that one day I was waiting for his call he never called and I started crying cause I had this feeling. On monday I saw him and we hanged and he had confessed to me that his GF was starting to be more loving and seductive towards him and that she was getting...handsi... ( Funny note ) I was driving when he said it I looked out the window and said , take off the seat belt but he didn't do it. I was at the red light when It turned green I shot out like a bat out of hell and stopped really fast and he fell on top of the dashboard, he manged to block it but It was to scare him. He knew I was upset and I didnt want to hear this...Could someone please shine some light in me... I know there's not hope but I want to know what happened... if anyone can pick up something I haven't managed to read with his actions
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flirt, infidelity, jealous, kissing, money, msn, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2010): It sounds to me like you were his backup girl. You mentioned this already, when she wasn't available he would call you.
He always told you about his gf though, so it's obvious he wasn't planning on creating a lasting relationship with you. But, he's a guy and you were willing so he took you up on the kissing and enjoyed your company.
But, it became obvious that you were more attached than him so he started giving you the cold shoulder. He wasn't going to mess things up with his gf obviously.
From the length of the post, you've analized this situation quite a bit. I'd say what happened is you freaked him out with the car stunt. He had no intention of having a relationship with you but was enjoying himself on the side until you made him realize he was playing with fire. (messing with someone's emotions like he was)
Maybe the light you should shine is to ask yourself why you put yourself in that kind of a situation to begin with. It sounds like you derived some pleasure out of getting a guy who had a gf to mess around with you, and you were setting yourself up to be hurt. Ask yourself why?
A
female
reader, KarmicIllusions +, writes (14 November 2010):
KarmicIllusions is verified as being by the original poster of the question Random thing I forgot to mention...In various occasions when we didnt kiss...he would kiss my forehead... I dont know what it meant...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): Not sure what exactly you don't understand...what does a relationship mean to you? When two people are in a relationship, does that mean anything to you? Did you think he was going to leave his girlfriend for you?Furthermore, why on earth would you ever do that to another girl?
You mention that you went on a retreat which leads me to believe you are christian of some sort. I assume that you have learned the tenets of christianity, did you think they didn't apply to you?
This man was and is in a relationship. He came to you for advice. You fell in love with him. He fooled around with you a couple of times. And he is back together with his girlfriend. And now you are coming off like the jerk. You didn't get the guy. And people are talking. Of course people are talking. What you both did was wrong.
You knew he was involved with someone, why would you want to come between that? He would have respected you more if you had been more righteous. If you had said NO, I am not going to come between your relationship, I wouldn't want someone to do that to me.
You live and learn. Don't come between other people's relationships. You are asking what you did wrong? That is what you did wrong. Behaving like that is going to bring you bad karma. Right now you have to face the consequences of your actions.
Today I learned that the basic tenets of Christianity come down to JOY. Think of Jesus, Others, then Yourself, in that order. Did you ever stop to think of his girlfriend or how she would feel? Did you ever stop to think of Kev and how this would make him feel? No you didn't. This whole time you thought of YOURSELF. That is where you went wrong.
Everybody is allowed to make mistake. LEARN and DON'T make the same mistakes again. That's all. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): J and you have established a lot of connection, but now J wants to ignore that out of loyalty to his GF and because he does not want history to repeat (and be unfaithful like his father). But i think the apple has not fallen far from the tree. J has been fooling around a little with you, and using you for advice, and yet unwilling to recognise you as more. You are into a lot of risk taking (driving recklessly - that was dumb, and fooling around with a guy with a GF) but you are not bad. From reading you i think your previous bf means very little to you. Move on from him. Boys do share notes on girls with other boys. They do that, even when they promise they never would do that. Eventually J will realise his bond with his GF is not as strong as he thinks. If J ever wakes up what a spark exists between you and J then he should end it with that GF.
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