A
female
age
51-59,
*ystie
writes:I am in a long distance relationship. My boyfriend and I met through a chat forum online and hit it off.We now spend most of our day (even with the time zone problem) talking with each other in one for or another.but I have a problem.Jealousy ... and I'm not sure how to handle it.I know he cares deeply for me and I know he would never hurt me knowingly.but he has a friend, from online. they met before he and I knew each other and became close. he tells me they are only friends, but I cant help thinking there may be more. He's told me that while talking to him on the phone she became rather sexual once (that I know of). He has shown me emails from her where she has declared her love for him, and after months, she isn't backing off any.when he and I first began talking, I know she felt a little left out with all the time we were spending together and she asked him to promise her that he would never stop talking to her, that he would hold onto their friendship.but she isn't trying to be his friend, not in any way. she wants him and is proving that she will wait for him.Him telling me about this, and showing me some of the thing she has sent him .... should put my mind to rest ... right?It doesn't. I'm constantly wondering if he's only informing me of some of the things she says, does or sends him ... is there more going on that he isnt telling me?And why doesn't he just stop her. tell her that he promised friendship and if she isnt going to keep things friendly then they maybe he should rethink his promise.Am I being totally paranoid?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2011): It sounds like his friend is manipulative for even asking him to promise that when she knew he was interested in you. You said he promised her he would never stop talking to her and that they would always be friends so is he the type of guys where promises matter? If he isn't than he's playing games. If he is the type of guy where promises matter and chivalry is not dead with this guy (and there's still some left) then the problem may be with that. If he is one of the chivalrus guys still left he's either chivalrus and not very bright for making a promise like that or chivalrus and easily manipulated by women. After my experiences with guys either one in my opinion is not so bad. If he's not very bright there's not much you can do about that. If he's easily manipulated by women maybe try to show him how manipulative some women can be.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2011): I think he likes the desperate attention she has on him that's why he continues contact with her.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (29 December 2011):
 have you met in person?
why is he still allowing her contact? if he says
"I don't want to hurt her feelings" he should not care... you are his partner right?
I don't like LDRs when they roll like this...
I don't think you are being paranoid at all
he told you about these things because if you see them then you think all is well... what is he NOT showing you or telling you
when i was online a lot I could run 3 or 4 conversations with different men and NONE of them knew I was talking to anyone else.....
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 December 2011):
 Get in line with all the other women whose B/Fs "...would never hurt me knowingly."
You see, you've given him his "out" It works like this: He hurts you, you let him know, and he sez "Gee, I NEVER KNEW that it would hurt you if I fooled around with (other) girl(s)..."
Take a few deep breaths and sit back and decide if you think this "LDR" (with this guy) is the best you can do....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2011): I think he likes having this woman on a string. It is quite flattering to have someone mad about you. Why is he telling you all this and showing you her emails - is it to prove he has a few strings to his bow? He could just tell her to back off and that she is wasting her time. But I suspect he secretly enjoys the attention. You have to decide yourself if you make an issue of it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2011): If there was more to it, he wouldn't be telling you anything about her. I am in a long distance relationship and they are awfully hard, harder than normal. Some people can handle being in a LDR, some people can't, the thing is it's really easy to get jealous when your not together, but for a LDR to work there has to be a heck of a lot of trust on both parts, as well as honesty and communication. I think your being paranoid because he wouldn;t bother telling you about her if he was up to something, and sure he can tell her to stop or stop talking to her, but that doesn't mean she will stop! Talk to him about how uncomfortable it is making you, be honest with him. Also work on your jealousy and as hard as it is try to not let those thoughts enter yur head unless his behaviour towards you changes drastically. I think you are being a little paranoid, and that is easy to do in an LDR, I do completely understand, but they can only work if there is real trust, so you need to decide if you really do trust him, and if the answer is yes, then trust that he's telling you the truth.
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