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female
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anonymous
writes: hello....I'll start by saying I’m 19 and have recently finished my first year of college and am now on my summer break. My summer has been rather slow and I spend most of my time doing mostly nothing, just relaxing and enjoying my time off with a little work here and there, but I spend as much time as I can with my boyfriend (also 19) who I’ve been with for about 5 months but officially for only 3 months. I met him at school and fortunately for me he happened to be from my hometown! We’ve fallen deeply in love with each other and I honestly know that he's the one. I want to and plan to spend the rest of my life with him, and him with me. We talk about anything and everything; we talk about the future, living together, marriage, kids, the whole lot of it. I feel completely comfortable with him, and trust him with my life, and want it to be him that I lose my virginity to. So you might be beginning to wonder.. so what’s the problem then, right? Well my dilemma, or problem as you might call it, is just that I really want to be "with" him and be able to share that experience with him but plain and simple I’m scared. I’m more and more feeling ready to have sex with him. He and I discuss it often and agree that we aren’t ready yet but soon we will get there. I want to add he too is a virgin and is nervous about the how to's and what if's. And yes we plan to wait until we're 100% ready and yes we plan to be safe and use condoms. And I feel that I’m almost ready...physically, emotionally, and mentally other than my fear of the pain. I truly believe that’s the only thing holding me back...I’m scared that its going to be really painful and that my boyfriend will think it’s him, that he's doing something wrong. I know that our first time isn’t going to be fireworks and a walk through the park...I understand that what most people expect their first time to be only leads to disappointment. So I don’t have expectations that are so grand and unattainable, I just simply want to make love to my boyfriend and show him how special he is to me and learn life together. wow I rambled...I guess I’m just more or less venting and hoping that some people out there can offer some advice, tips, words of support/encouragement regarding the book I wrote...sorry I wrote so much. I just would like to know how or what I can do to get past my fear of the potential pain that could occur from sex so that I can learn to enjoy it. Please and thanks in advance!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2006): Basically you just got to work together, talk things through etc. me and my bf were the same, I was worried about the possible pain, but if you should dwell on that fact, you may put sex off for ages. You never know, you may feel some pain, or none at all, if anything you'll probably forget that it may have hurt afterwards,just like new mothers after having a baby. Make sure you bf takes his time, doesnt rush anything and obliges to stop if you tell him to -make sure you're physically turned on enough, if you are not it may hurt a little. Don't expect your first time to be the best time of you life, it will, however be a memorable time of your life and you will love the experience, it is a turning point. Good luck
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