A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a 33yrs old female, separated but not divorced yet. Living on my own for almost two years, independet, not kids., free drama.I made a trip like 3 months ago..I met a guy..younger guy..I fell for him..we continued the comunication..every day..text..phone calls..skype..etc.I took two weeks off again and I decided went to his place again...we spent those 2 weeks together and when I had to come back I felt like I left a piece of myself overthere...I felt complete overthere..I felt happiness again...The thing is I'm living in US for almost 5 years,,my family lives overseas..I dont have relatives here where I am..I live complete alone..I have some friends but I dont really spend time with them...Here I always have that feeling like "homeless" even If I have a job and I can support myself and save my own money..I have that horrible feeling I am just pieces..like I missing something..I can affort go to my country each year for vacation but it isnt enough..The last time that I went to see my "guy"..we were talking about if there is the possibility to move there...Honestly I dont really see anything that can keep me here in US but my job...nothing else...Thinking in move there..find a job...stay with the person that I like makes me think if I continue here I am missing my happiness...Anyway my family is overseas and I am here 99% of my time working...I am thinking finish this year here..and move there then looking for a job and start a new life..I know that maybe sounds crazy but I am really tired to be here and see myself not going anywhere...I am being "crazy" to think about it? I have a "settle" life here but I am very lonely..I am tired of the dating scene...I would like to know the balance within love/life work/money..?
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (3 August 2012):
 My short answer is definitely: Yes.
There is nothing like starting over and re-finding yourself. Especially after you've hit found yourself 'settled'.
I've pulled the pick up and move everything twice in my life (once just recently) and I'll be honest, it is like putting a fresh coat of paint on a faded wall. You learn a lot about yourself and you discover things that you had forgotten. Each time I've done it, I found myself feeling more vibrant and excited about each day.
However, before you up and move, I would urge you to plan appropriately. That means finding a job before you get there and making sure that you like the area that you will be moving to. Do your research. If you don't like hot weather, for instance, don't be moving to the desert.
Secondly, be sure you aren't moving solely for your new found friend. You are still in the honeymoon phase of the relationship and you hardly know one another. I'd hate to see you put yourself into a horrible predicament by moving in with him and having him turn into a grade-A jerk. Do this move for yourself!
The world is open to you, definitely take advantage of it. I'd hate to see you regret not living life to the fullest because you chose the easy route.
Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2012): I would say to go visit this guy more often and see how things go. I wouldn't go jumping right away moving near or even with him. Get to know him just as you would as if you lived close to each other... I know it is hard to do so because of the distance between you two. Spending two weeks together just isn't reality. You can't possibly know this person well.
Long distance relationships ( in my experience) never work out quite like you want them to. I wouldn't take the chance and move out of your country just yet.... Take some more time to see how this "plays out."
I moved out to Mexico with my family with the (relocation of our business) and lasted only 5 months there :) Missing everything familiar to us but we had family in the US. Good luck! :D
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (30 July 2012):
 Where ever you live you need balance in your life.
You work hard in your job now, but you have not established life balance where you are.
Yes you are missing and mourning the life you had in your original country.
examine what made you leave your original country. Did you have life balance back then, before you left your original country?
You have been in the USA for five years. Though you have enjoyed visits back home.
You have been through the turmoil of a failed relationship and that would have thrown you out of balance in a serious way.
But in the last two years you have lived alone.
Why have you still not been able to establish life balance where you are?
What has stopped you from making new friends in the USA? What has stopped you joining some groups during your leisure time? Or learning a new hobby? Or getting involved in a volunteer project in your neighborhood.
Your new love interest is a wonderful development. But that person alone is not going to ensure life balance. What if the relationship falters?
Will you be back to square one without life balance again?
A wonderful partner (and just that) does not guarantee life balance and happiness just because there is a person in your life.
When a person is hurting inside then life balance can be hard to achieve anywhere, not matter who a person has in their life.
You are very lonely. But if you have trouble developing relationships with a range of people who are friends, not potential romantic partners, then you may be lonely whereever you live.
You can even be lonely and unhappy even IN a relationship if things are not going well with the relationship.
So perhaps explore what are the issues that have existed in the last five years that have hindered you forming new friendships amongst your work colleagues, your neighbors and amongst people you see on a regular basis.
Aim to know the names of the people you visit in smaller shops near your home, so that you can greet them by name. And say goodbye to them by name when you leave the shop. Sometimes developing relationships also means knowing who toi trust and when to trust.
Aim to shop in your neighborhood whenever convenient.
Same with your neighbors.
Aim to stop and say hello. Introduce yourself.
With, "Hi, I'm Mary, I live in the house with the green roof. I've seen you cycling past my house. Where do you think is the best place to go cycling around here?" Then let them speak. Remember what say. If you can then borrow a bicycle then you might ask if you can join them cycling one day.
Relationships are built up over time. You reveal a little and they reveal a little.
If you have mainly stayed at home then you will not have allowed yourself the opportunity to develop friends.
But if you go back to your country and continue to live the same way then the same problem could occur again. Then where will you be.
Never expect that one person in your life will magically fix all your existing issues. The issues will still remain until you change how you relate to others and how you choose to live your life.
Family alone will also not fix issues of loneliness.
There are millions of people in the world who live in a family situation and can still feel lonely.
To address the issues you sometimes have to step out of your comfort zone.
And just dating will not fix your loneliness as often dating is very shallow and people hardly get to know the real person.
It is far better to develop your life, your interests and your (not romantic) true platonic friends while concurrently being on the look-out for a love interest.
That way you start to achieve life balance and do not put all your eggs in the one basket.
I think work on your life balance where you have a good job that allows you to travel back home. But don't imagine that a really strong crush is enough to sustain you if you have deep issues of feeling lonely.
Best wishes with this
Regards
Abella
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2012): I wouldn't give up a secure job and relocate for boy toy just yet.
You barely know him, would be utterly foolish to uproot your life based on a few good lays and long-distance sweet talk, from outside distant neutral POV I can't rule out possiblility that boy toy's expoiting your loneliness and vulnerability and restlessness and disconnectedness for own personal gain.
Boy toy is a virtual stranger, he knows a lot more about you than you about him, I would defer making major life changes on a whim.
Not saying his intentions are not honorable, just that at this point you can't be sure they are, and given your current life circumstances I suspect more likely than not that boy toy wants to get his hooks into a sugar mama.
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