A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my boyfriend last April and have recently started looking for another guy. I met this guy "M" and we seem to hit it off in a friendly way and i really want to see if he's interested to. Problem is he knows my ex. I dont know how close they are but I dont want to come between them. Imwas going to leave it but by chance I found that meand "M" match highly on a dating website. Im still not sure if its worth risking their friendship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2014): I'm not sure about your concern. Unless their dating each other, no worries. You only broke up last April, and you've never met the guy before; so apparently they don't hang in the same circles.
Are you concerned about your ex sabotaging your connection, or running into each other? Are you worried he already knows too much about you? Explain what you're concerned about. Only if he was in a close circle of his friends that you used to hang with, could there really be any complications.
You're not even dating yet. It's basically at the introductory stage. You hardly know the guy. You can't rebuild your life worrying about your ex. Don't bring him up, and don't discuss your old relationship. Things should go fine. Let him get to know YOU!
If they happen to be friends, it's simply by coincidence that you've met him. Not that it matters anyway. No codes or rules have been broken here. If they're too close and it makes you uneasy; then simply bow out gracefully.
It's a small world. Just don't get upset if you happen to know the girl your ex is dating. That is likely. If you've moved on enough to start dating already; it shouldn't bother you.
It's a little soon for you to be looking for another guy; but if you are, just be sure your feelings aren't on the rebound. It takes time to truly heal and to get your feelings readjusted. Take your time. Dating fresh out of a broken relationship can be disastrous. It's barely been five months.
A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (4 September 2014):
 It's noble of you not to want to mess up their friendship, but unless they've been inseparable buddies since childhood, this may be less of an issue than you think. Based on the limited information in your post it doesn't sound like your ex and M are actually all that close.
I'm assuming you dated your ex long enough to have met his friends?
If you didn't know this guy M was friends with your ex while the two of you were still together, that means one of two scenarios are possible:
1) They weren't particularly close friends; more like acquaintances, and in all the time you and your ex were together they didn't socialize frequently or meaningfully enough for you to have met M.
2) Your ex and M met after you broke up, meaning they've only been friends for about a year to a year and a half, max.
Honestly, neither of these possibilities sound to me like the two of them are such inseparable friends that expressing your interest to M would be a faux pas. IF they have grown close, then M probably knows that you and your ex were once an item. And IF that's the case and M is worried about risking the friendship, the worst that can happen is him telling you he's not interested.
In the meantime, I'd say go for it. Good luck and best wishes!
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