A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a very toxic, deluded relationship, but got over the guy and started a thing with someone else. A sweet, loving and caring man. Sometimes we had fights, but in general everything was ok. For about 1,5 year. We talked about getting married one day, etc. And then, almost 2 weeks ago he said to me "i dont feel like talking with you. I dont want to hear from you in 2 weeks". I was shocked, it just came from nowhere. The day before, he was telling me how much he loves me. Anyhow, I didn't talk to him until today, although it was so painful. And yet, he wouldn't respond! I feel horrible, I'm all in tears. I have always been (too) good, and faithful to him. He seemed like a mature man, 9 years older than me. I dont know what happened to him. I demanded to be told the truth, told him not to be a kid. AND NOTHING. My world is collapsing right now because I still love him. Anyhow, I only want the truth - if he is seeing someone else, if he fell out of love - whatever! But he just won't respond. I would never thought that he could cause me so much pain. I don't feel like seeing anyone else, I don't imagine being in love again. And one more thing - he didn't delete me from fb or msn, and he really doesnt mind getting rid of contacts - like an ex gf. Any thoughts or comments? Why does he act like a jackass?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey there, thank you so much for your answers :) So it has been 2 weeks since we talked last time, and I texted him, and he didn't write me back. Well I'm still in his contacts and feel so confused. I feel that he's testing me or something, like how much i care about him. I don't want to seem desperate and needy, he appreciates independnce. So I decided to give it a break for a while. It is so hurtful thought, I do love him. He seemed to be serious in his affection for me, talking about us. I don't know what changed in just one day.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2011): Hey there, thank you so much for your answers :) So it has been 2 weeks since we talked last time, and I texted him, and he didn't write me back. Well I'm still in his contacts and feel so confused. I feel that he's testing me or something, like how much i care about him. I don't want to seem desperate and needy, he appreciates independnce. So I decided to give it a break for a while. It is so hurtful thought, I do love him. He seemed to be serious in his affection for me, talking about us. I don't know what changed in just one day.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (31 July 2011):
 He hasn't broken up with you yet, but he's pulling back for unknown reasons. I do think this has to do with maturity, and it is actually, in my experience, common for younger men to act this way. I had it happen to me two times already by men around the age of 22-25! I thought men in the later twenties would be more mature, but I suppose that all depends on the individual.
Your man doesn't know himself. That's what's going on here. He thought he did, then he changed his mind, then he's all confused and needs some time to think, and "mature" as he is he decides to drop the bomb and just run away as fast as he can. Who knows what goes through his mind, and it's rotten behaviour.
My bet: he'll tell you he's not "ready" for commitments or whatever it is (even if you haven't discussed anything concrete), and that he's not sure of his feelings for you and he's got things in life he wants to do/can't be himself/some other BS.
Then as soon as you start to heal and move on he'll come swinging back declaring his undying love for you. Should you take him back then? No. Because he'll do it again to you.
Maybe Im wrong and something else is going on, this is just from my personal experience with men who swing 180 over night. I feel for you, I truly do. I was engaged with a man who did the same thing to me, I had the diamond ring and had looked at dresses already, we lived together, then he flips around one day and says he doesn't know if this is what he wants... Then a few days later it IS what he wants... then he doesn't want it, then he does, and at the 6th time I left his sorry ass. Never been in so much pain before, it was like life was ending after picturing I'd marry him and be with him forever.
Oh well, I moved on and looking back Im glad I never married him because he was too immature and a selfish man. You're pretty selfish when you can flip around like that and hurt the one you claim to love in such a manner (by leaving and not saying a word to you, like you're not worth even an explanation).
Take a deep breath, and give him his space. Don't keep your hopes up, prepare for a break-up and don't think it's the end of the world because you will heal.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2011): Genuine people don't have such a dramatic change of heart overnight.
Perhaps feelings of dissatisfaction with your relationship have been brewing within him for a while now, but you haven't noticed because he hasn't voiced or shown them. Or maybe something's actually happened and you're seeing his reaction to it. Or (although considering you've been together for over a year this seems a less likely reason somehow) he was never sincere in your regard in the first place and is showing his true colours now. All this is speculation though; it's completely unfair of him to keep you in the dark in such a way.
Don't give up yet pursuing him for answers, but is there anyone close to him in whom he might've confided that you could question too? A friend or relative you're on familiar terms with? If you get no logical explanation from anyone in due course, you may have to consider letting go and moving on... you can't hang on forever waiting for him to be sensible! I hope it won't come to that though. If he has one ounce of sensitivity and maturity he'll open up eventually. Don't blame yourself for his silence; unless he himself tells you you've done something wrong, you can't conclude you were at fault here in any way. Good luck and take care x
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