A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok sorry if this is really confusing but its confusing for me because I don’t even understand it.Ok I have a friend who I found out liked me more than a friend. At first I was unsure because I wasn’t attracted to him physically but the more I spoke to him, the more things I realised we had in common and could talk for hours and I was starting to like him more than I friend because of his personality. So then I decided that the fact that I don’t find him attractive didn’t matter and so I told him that yes I did like him so we agreed to go for a drink.However, I am absolutely petrified of meeting him tomorrow because ive only had one bf where ive been physical with and that was 3 ½ years ago (im 20 now) and I don’t know whether this fear of being in a relationship is just because im afraid I’ll be rubbish at everything or because im not ready for a relationship??When ive been single all ive wanted is to be in a relationship with someone, like someone to cuddle and be loved by (I haven’t been too concerned with the sexual part of the relationship) but now the chance of that happening has actually come, im scared of it and feel like I want to stay single. Im sorry this isn’t making sense but its so hard to explain. I don’t know if I do or don’t want to be in a relationship and now im doubting whether I specifically don’t want to be in a relationship with this friend. Ive tried talking to my friends about it but all they have said is “don’t worry about it, get over your fear and you will be fine” buts its not as simple as that and as much as I appreciate their advise, its been of no help whatsoever.What do I tell him? I cant tell him this because it will hurt him as he is very insecure and I know that the reason we are going for a drink tomorrow is to finalise things between us but now I don’t know what I want and I don’t know how to tell him that and I really don’t want to mess him around because I know he wont wait forever and he’s already been waiting for a month for me to sort out my feelings.Please help, im so confused.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2007): Well you only live once! It's always nerve-racking going on a first date, but the best way to be is cool and relaxed about things. You enjoy the guy's company so that's a good start, as for a relationship and moving on to getting sexual, that will happen if it's meant to be. You've been in a relationship before and maybe things didn't work out the way you thought they might have. So it's only natural to feel the way you do, scared of getting hurt, scared of falling in love, all sorts of things, because your mind is running before you are actually walking. Go out for a drink, enjoy yourself, you don't have to finalise anything if you don't want to. Just take it step by step and if you feel like things aren't going the way you want you can always make excuses and leave early. Just relax...best of luck.
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