A
female
age
41-50,
*arah29
writes:I just found out my boyfriend of 4 years cheated on me in the begining of our relationship with his child's mother. Not only that, she got pregnant and he has a daughter that me and his family knew nothing about. He has kept it a secret all this time because he knew I would leave him and his family would tell me. I found out because the child support papers came to my house and I opened the letter and there it was, not only his son's name but the little girl's name too. I knew she took him for child support. I can't believe he did that to me we have such a good relationship. Now of course he tells me how sorry he is and he will do whatever it takes to gain my trust again and how it was only one time and he didn't even know she was pregnant till she had the baby (she is a big woman)She knows he had a girlfriend, I spend time with his son but he never got the little girl. He started having problems with getting him because she said he would have to take both kids which he just told me. I just don't understand why she hasn't told anyone that that's his child. He tells me he said he would tell his family when he was ready. I have never had any problems with him until now. Hhe keeps begging me to stay and he keeps crying but I don't think I can do it. I cant accept is daughter, it would just be a reminder of what he did to me. We were talking about getting married. My daughter is going to be hurt to learn that we not togther. He tells me don't tell her yet, just take some time to think things through. If you were me, what would you do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2008): I think this is something only you can decide. It's a very difficult situtaion - and I can say that from experience. My husband had an affair and got his mistress preganant - she was about 3 months pregnant when I discovered he had cheated. That was about a year or so ago - and I decided to stay with my husband. He cut ties with the other woman and has not had contact with her or the child she had since...that's how he has chosen to deal with the child so far, but who knows what will happen in the future? It has been very difficult for me to accept the cheating - no doubt about it, and knowing someone else has my husbands baby - that is a killer, but I still love my husband and I believe him when he says he is truly sorry. He has done whatever it took to prove to me that it me he wants, he continues to do that. So - we are trying to move forward together - knowing that it will take had work and time. I also know that I will never be the same person - and that 'we' will never be wht we were before...that doesn't mean we can't be 'good' again though. I don;t know if that's something you'll be able to do or not - but what I can say is do what feels right...people will have their opinions and usually these are very balck and white - you probably even feel like you would be 'weak' or stupid if you even considered staying after such deceipt? But....the choice is yours. If you feel there is something worth fighting for - then stay. There are no guarantees in any relationship - but perhaps your man has learnt a very hard lesson - and will never betray your trust again? I think from what you write that you don;t want to leave. You just have to figure out how you can stay. have you thought about talking with a counsellor? I found that extremely helpful - as I was unable to talk about what happened with any friends or family....the burden was too much for me. Having a safe place to dicuss all my thoughts and fears and questions has been really good - might be for you too? Good luck, take care of yourself - expect things to be a bit crazy for a while...you will begin to heal sometime soon. x
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