A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I are close to being in our 10 years of being together. I love him deeply and I am happy to marry him. There is just one thing that bothers me. His mother and brothers do not care about me at all. I understand that family means everything to his mother but I don’t feel part of his family. On the other hand, my own mother likes my boyfriend, my family likes him too. Family is forever, but I don’t want my boyfriend’s family trying to ruin the marriage and whatnot in the future. What should I do? Should I stay for the sake of my boyfriend or leave? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (19 June 2019):
 My advice will be somewhat different if you started this long term relationship at age 12. Age 15 is Different. But the relative early onset of this relationship leads me to strongly suspect that your entire romantic history is wrapped around one person.
When I put on my Dad thinking I can see where his mother is coming from. I don't like how she is handling it but I can understand where it is coming from.
There are parents out there who sabotage their children's relationships because they don't want to give them up. That despicable possibility seems low to me in comparison to the "Puppy Love" theory. Mom was around when you met she thought it was cute, but was also reasonably sure that you would soon break up and start mooning after some older guy. Face it she had centuries of history to back up that expectation. You would break her baby's heart. She is still waiting for the axe to fall. Sure it's a self fulfilling prophesy at this point. The only reason you are thinking of leaving is because she is treating you like you will.
What to do about it? I don't know. But I'm willing to give you advice. My advice is that you need more experience. I can't think of a nice way for you to get that. Both of you need to move out of the parents home and get some living on your own experience.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (17 June 2019):
Age Check.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2019): Hello, this is the OP. I appreciate your answers. I am in no way competing with them. We do however have different lifestyles as I am a bit wealthier than my boyfriend’s family. I can sense envy there although it doesn’t faze me much. His mother keeps to herself and rarely speaks directly to me, instead talks to my boyfriend about me. His brothers don’t acknowledge me and bad mouth me at times. It becomes stressful coming over to his house to spend time with him because of this. I often make excuses to use the bathroom or stay away from them. Whenever his mother is “in a bad mood”, she questions why I am at their house. My boyfriend and I go out as well and she asks why we are out sometimes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2019): He's your boyfriend and not your fiance. Why are you concerned your marriage will be ruined? Until your boyfriend officially proposes to you; marriage is only tentative, and completely up in the air. So don't worry about a ruined marriage when there hasn't yet been a marriage proposal.
Worrying over something that hasn't happened is a waste of energy and eats at your peace. Take an extra-strength chill-pill. If they know they can get under your skin, they will. If they notice you're nonchalant about their antics, you'll notice they'll start to calm down. You're most likely competing with them, trying to show whom your boyfriend is most loyal to. If you are, cut it out! That's where your problem lies! So they don't like you for it. I've seen it so many times before, and that's often why you won't fit into the family. Unless there is bigotry or religious differences that come into play.
You can't force people to love you. Sometimes no matter what you do, some people will not yield; because they have their personal-reasons for not liking you. C'est la vie!
You've been together for 10 years, and that is more than enough time to bust you apart; if that's what his family really wished to do. They haven't, they simply tolerate you.
He loves you enough to stick with you regardless! Trust him!
Take the high road. Show kindness and respect towards his family regardless of how they behave. You didn't give any specifics about what they do to make you think they would try to ruin your marriage. You've endured the for 10 years; and that is quite impressive. I'd say you've got it licked!
You've got your own loving family, and your boyfriend. I'd believe you're doing pretty good. If your boyfriend loves you, and has stuck around for this long, I don't think you have to worry about what his mother and brother thinks of you. Do what they do. Just tolerate them!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2019): Well honey my wife and I have been married for nearly 45 yrs and still she doesn't feel she is part of my family. She never visits any of them. She doesn't even greet them on Xmas. If you don't feel you are part of his family, you don't feel, and that is that. Nothing can be done. You just have to live with it.
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