A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi and thanks,To begin we met about 3 years ago. He was very nice texted a lot I mean A LOT which I thought was a bit weird maybe 200-300 per day. He told me his life story break ups, everything u can imagine. Finally after 3 weeks I met him. He seemed nice and somewhat needy. He promised me things like trips, dinners normal relationship things. He began showing extreme jealousy towards anyone I had a relationship with girl friends etc. Had to be joined @ the hip. I expressed he was behaving erratic and he needs to deal with his insecurities. Things got worse once I moved it. He became mentally abusive, then so sweet and charming. He would yell for days until I was so emotionally worn down. Then be charming/ apologetic. He would spend excessive money then expect me to pay his bills because he spent his own money recklessly. I ended up moving out while he was at work were still together but living with accusations and extreme jealousy has made me realize he won't change. I kept asking seek therapy because u can be soooo sweet, loving, and then can turn so angry and abrupt quickly. He never seeked help ( no surprise) I went back to college graduated with "honours" was so proud of myself. I invited him to attend my ceremomy but he changed jobs yet again and couldn't attend (5 jobs in 3 years) I accepted it and invited others to share my special day. I went to his place afterwards and the questions and accusations were insane. He ended up throwing a glass by me @ the wall. I realized this is "my special day" and look how its being spent. Accusations, intimidation, yelling, put downs and it became clear he could never respect me the way I deserve. The trips, dinners never happened as he promised me unless I would pay. He's selfish, cruel and needs to grow up. I kept looking for change hoping he would because he can be so nice to me. Guess its to keep me where he wants me. I've grown a lot and I've learned a lot throughout this whole ordeal. If this can help anyone I hope it can. Never allow anyone to batter your self image. If he or she is too jealous that's not love its ownership don't wait for change unless he's truly willing to get all the help needed. Love yourself pick yourself up and move on. Controllers dislike anyone bettering themselves they'd rather you stay home @ their beck and call. If your out they demand to know where u were who u were with and why? This isn't a life. Thank you...
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female
reader, xBrittanyxx +, writes (10 November 2011):
Your telling your story can help many others who are in or were in abusive relationships, mentally or physically.
I was in a mentally/phyical abusive relationship with my ex for 3 years. He was sweet and loving in the begining about three weeks into our relationship he would make me believe that my friends were trying to ruin our relationship and how they weren't goof friends because they kept trying to break us apart when we got along so well. I started to believe the things he said and lost a few freinds from our realationship.
When I started to know how he was turning almost bi-polar, just as you discribed, my ex would be nice we would be getting along and then all of a sudden I would be yelled at for doing something little the wrong way. Callings uncalled names of the littlest things, and made me feel like I was a selfish girlfriend for wanting to be treated out to something nice every once in a while and being called materialistic all the time.
My ex would always want me to get him things for specail occasions or just because he wanted it and of course I did it out of the goodness of my heart because I loved him at the time. But, he would change and get made I wanted something which I rarely asked for because he didn't make alot of money at his job. When I did I would be called materialistic and that's all I care about were material things. It just blew my mind away because I just bought him something and I could never get anything back inreturn. I also let him borrow money which I never got back in return. I would lend him my money and in return I would just be treated disrepectfully after just doing him a favor. I never got paid back.
I also agree with chirgirl, my ex when he was nice he was the most loving a caring person, but he was mean he was a real jerk. I knew the relationship should have ended about 2 years in, but I thought that I would get better and he would become and be that sweet, caring person that he could be when he was nice.
The relationship ended when I had to call the cops, he was sending me non-stop verbally abusive text messages and stalking me wating for me outside my friends house so we could talk. I knew then he there was mentally wrong with him and he really needed to get help.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 October 2011):
 Oh, and he too promised he'd seek therapy for depression and anger controlling, he never went. Instead he said I was the one who needed help, he accused me of being mentally ill.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (14 October 2011):
Thank you for sharing this story. I think it will help others, and I recognize so much from a past relationship of mine in there as well.
Me and my ex were long distance, which I think is what finally made it possible for me to move on, I broke up with him though online chat! Any other time I had tried to break it off, in person the time we'd met, he would cry for me back. It was impossible to leave him even though I knew I should. I like to say he was very good at apologizing. He was good at making me want to believe his words. The promises. That he'd never do it again, that he'd never yell again, call names, do things, swear at me, lie to me, threaten me. I ended up forgiving every time.
He too made promises he never kept. He said he'd make Valentines day special, promised romance, yet the day came and he didn't do anything at all. I bought beer for us to celebrate with on Valentines and he asked "what for?". If a man hit on me he'd comment that "he only wanted to fuck you", and if he saw a picture of me and another man he told me I was a whore. He told me how I could behave, and he laid restrictions on what I was allowed to say.
I payed the bills for him, the trips, I payed for him to come visit me, and after a year together, despite me trying to leave him once already, I moved to him to be closer. I quit my job for him, I spent loads of money on the apartment he promised he'd take care of, but last minute he couldn't pay the rent or deposit after all. He couldn't even pay for groceries. He also borrowed money from me which I never got back.
But then, when he wasn't his angry self, he was the sweetest, most charming, lovable man in the world. And I kept thinking he'll be that sweet man, but then next outburst comes and he throws a fit, and I saw him for what he was truly like. And I wanted to leave. But as soon as he saw I wanted to leave he would flip around 180% and be all nice and lovable, promising marriage, promising that when he gets a good job he wants to treat me to anything I want, treat me like a princess. And then next he would trash me, call me a bitch, yell at me for little things. It was a roller coaster. And so so hard to get away, because you keep hoping and hoping that he's truly that sweet and charming man. But towards the end I saw that it was only a game he played, the true him was angry, jealous, a liar, a manipulator, a selfish man who did not respect me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2011): Thank you for sharing your story.
You say one thing very important here: don't expect change unless they are going to get the help they need.
The only person who can change is the person. No one can change someone else. Someone can seek therpay, but they need to be active in the treatment. They need to want to change. They will not change for you.
I'm glad you were able to get out and now you can move on to a happier life!
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