A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HiI have been married for 3 years, and been in the relationship for 5 years. Before we got married, my wife told me about her past, the number of guys she has slept with which is 4.When she told me I felt uncomfortable proceeding with the relations, but l tried to stay strong and proceeded with the relations until we got married. Now I am struggling with her past, I feel like I have lowered my standard and the her exes are laughing at me although I haven’t met them. This is putting strain on our marriage and sometimes I even think of divorcing her.This will probably lead me to not value her and our relationship. She is a wonderful person and I don’t want to lose her. She is the perfect women for me, but is just the past her past that I don’t feel comfortable with.Please can you assist?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2010): Dude..4 is nothing.....imagine like 40!...tha'ts not uncommon either...
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010): i wonder how you would feel if she put that stipulation on masturbating? Some women do you know? consider that dirty and a form of cheating. Cause lets face it your prolly not thinking of her when you do it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010): You sound like you dont respect her at all, and are being very selfish. Was she not supposed to have a life before she met you? Why didnt you think about this before you got married?!
"I can get over her past"
"I have lowered my standard" does this mean people who have had sex arnt worth as much as those who keep their virginity for marriage?
"I am struggeling with her past" this is HER past, before you, nothing to do with you, so why are you letting it bother you?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010): 4 is a VERY low number!! I dont even see how this is a past..
Yes they are laughing at you, because you are thinking of them when you should be just enjoying your wife!
I dont on earth why you would think of getting divorced because she slept with a minute number for 4 people..
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): Everyone has a sexual past? Not so. Some do not want one and wait until marriage while concentrating themselves on the many other aspects of life in the mean time.
I rest my case.
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male
reader, poeslek  +, writes (1 September 2010):
Hi there my friend my wife forget about the past. I am 40 and my wife 29...she had a wild life and i actually like it. she had many guys and even gangbangs. She love cock and I love her and we have a good relationship. I still allow her 2 have 3somes with me and strangers with big cocks. i appreciate her... woman got needs that most men cant give them.My wife is not a slut but a woman with extra needs.
Thanks
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): Several men think they can handle their wives' sexual past and end up divorced. As I see it, you won't be an exception.
Nothing wrong in wanting a divorce; many would prefer to receive four simultaneous kicks in the groin than having a wife with four past sexual partners.
If you cannot bear it, divorce and marry a wonderful virgin.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): My friend. 4 past lovers is nothing. I assume your wife is about your age. That number in tiny. My wife slept with more men than she can remember before she was even legal. I deal with that everyday! I view my wife poorly. You have no reason to do so with your wife. As long as she gives you everything that pleases you, and you feel you get more than those before you...enjoy. Cherish it. You are a lucky man!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): I'm sorry that you have been the victim of a common myth. People advise that retrogade jealousy will fade over time but this is false. The myth works because it makes you stay in the relationship long enough to where you feel too guilty to get out over it anymore.
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A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (1 September 2010):
4 is actually very few. And if you can't find a way to put her past in the past, it'll be hard for you with anyone else, since these days most people have quite a past. I've had more than 4 before my partner, and he's had more like 30-50 before me. Now he's friends with my ex, and I'm friends with a couple of his past partners. And I consider myself a fairly jealous person. The thing is that for whatever reason, those 4 past relationships of hers didn't work out. They ended and failed. But yours is still going on. You two got married. Focus on making the present relationship the best it can be, and with time, the past will stay where it belongs.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2010): 4? My wife had 40. I had to meet 6 of them. Shake hands with six guys who had their junk in my wife's hands, her mouth...well you get the picture. I was gealous, actually repulsed is a better word. It took a while, but I got over it. Now all those qualities which attracted me to her is all I see. Her past fades further into our past everyday. And when I see my friends lives, the ones who married perfect, reasonably chaste, girls - I have to laugh. All those qualities that made those girls not participate in all the rest wenwerendoing are now showing through: bitchy, controlling, judgmental, high maintenance.
Yes, I married a fun "party girl". And guess what? Our life together, for almost 20 years now, has been more fun and party-like than any couple I know
Perhaps you should let her go. Sounds like your too close minded, controlling, judgmental, high maintenance to deserve such a girl...
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male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (1 September 2010):
Did you have sex with other women before you met her?
As for the other guys laughing at you...Yes they are... Because you are spending your time thinking about them, and they don't even have a thought about you.
You can divorce her if you like. I am sure guy number 6 will find your garbage a treasure, and treat her as such. Then, he will be thanking you for giving her up.
The idea is not how many men she had, but can you love her and treat her better than any man she had???
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (1 September 2010):
 Do you realize that 4 is a very low number by average standards? If you divorce her, finding a women with less than 4 partners is almost impossible, and you will likely have to 'settle' for someone with more.
I suggest you read this article:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/retrograde-jealousy.html
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A
female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell  +, writes (1 September 2010):
 So what if she's slept with four guys? A number like four says nothing about her as a person at all... if it were something like 20 I'd be unnerved but it just means she went with four before she found the right one. You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a prince, right?
Her exes are probably very jealous of you, because out of all five guys she's been with, she's chosen you as her life partner, they were never more than boyfriend, that means something. She loves you. Just love her back. Laugh at the other guys for being stupid enough to let her get away. xxx
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