A
female
age
,
*illyc
writes:My husband and I have separated but still share the family home for the time being due to financial reasons and the children. We are both seeing new people; he is seeing a very glamorous woman who seems to be the answer to his prayers sexually. We did our best sex-wise given demanding jobs, two children, a very small house and various pets but the marriage started to fall apart when I discovered his interest in internet porn, not just looking but sending emails of his privates to complete strangers, hurtful as he used to make excuses with me but obviously still had the desire... Anyway I am my own worst enemy, I looked at his phone the other day and found lots of nude photos they'd taken of their privates, he says he loves her (after 3 weeks!!) and is making a real effort to do fun things with her after years of neglecting me. He also came home recently reeking of her bed with a pair of frillies in his pocket. I feel so hurt, I am finding it hard to reconcile the way he's behaving with her and feel that by bringing these texts into the family home he is somehow crossing a thresh hold. Should he be conducting himself like this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2007): what a rotten man.this sounds like an impossible setup.you are split up?HOW?you should be having time on your own to get over the split.fine if you want a boyfriend.atleast if your ex wasnt in the house you would have normal time alone to think and get your head together.console yourself with the fact that although they're doing FUN things together thats all it will probably amount to FUN.the bit about the pics on the phone sounds real classy(not).anyway wheres your new man in all this.cut the energy off that you are wasting on checking up on him and put some of it back on your new fella.live apart as you know you must somehow?if hed moved out when he should then you wouldnt have found this all out and maybe you'd be going through the normal grieving process when a relationships ends.your ex sounds pityful.
A
female
reader, chachacha +, writes (2 March 2007):
Old relationships always have so much hurt in them, and you will of course feel bad. Only time heals.
Living with each other is really really unhelpful to healing, however.
Can't he rent a room somewhere else and you get a lodger into his room in the house? That ought to have no financial impact overall?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (2 March 2007):
 Your separation is not going to work until you do just that, separate. Go over your finances again and see if there is anything you can cut out to free up any extra money so you can live separately. I have always felt that children are happier with two separated happy parents than with parents who remain together but are miserable. You should not have to deal with his behavior anymore.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2007): I think some of his behavior is intentional to hurt you, but in the end I think he is showing his true colors as a very selfish individual and this should be proof that seperating was the right decision.
I understand you might not be able to fully part financially, I think living together might actually hurt the kids. Especially if their father is going to act this way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2007): Thank you for this... I did tell him I'd looked at his phone and he went mad. My question is really why do I torture myself by looking at his phone/emails when I KNOW I am going to find something, it was the same during the marriage, there would always be something I didn't want to see. Perhaps you're right, he wants me to see these disgusting pictures and rub my nose in it. I wish I could just say "you have your life now" good luck, but I am eaten up with bitterness and jealousy, not because I want him back but because his sex life has improved dramatically since we were together and he seems to be a new man, not the person I knew for 25 years.
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A
female
reader, nicola79 +, writes (2 March 2007):
 It sounds if he is trying to get you jealous,and by the sound of things its working?
You must tell him that you saw the pictures of those things you were saying about because if your kids get hold of them im sure you wouldnt be happy. I would tell him if he wants to carry on like this,it may be better if he moves out. You have to think of you and your kids happiness and with him doing what he is,its not going to get better.
He sound bloody stupid doing this to you and rubbing your nose in it. He wouldnt like it if it was the other way round would he?
I hope it all works out for you flower. xxxxxxxxxx
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