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Frank B Kermit
writes:Starting Over?By Frank Kermit ND, RelationshipsValentine’s day can be a day of reckoning for some people. Meaning, the events leading up to, on the day of, and afterwards can really wreck your life. This is one of the reasons I often refer to Valentine’s Day as “V-day”. Aside from being a day where romantically involved people are encouraged (expected? pressured?) to express their affections for one another, V-day is also a day of reflect, where people reassess their romantic relations (or lack thereof).If they are single, it reminds them of the pleasures that come with being with someone. If they are already attached, a re-evaluation is in order, which could lead to a break up and starting all over again, having to meet someone new, and go through the ups and downs (and the honeymoon phase) to the point where you get comfortable enough that when V-day strikes again, you see if your current relationship can survive the new re-evaluation. Any wonders why there is a growing trend of anti-Valentine’s day parties emerging to mark the day?For some, starting over may include deciding to actively pursue the end of their residence in the realm of “Singledom”. To make the firm decision that they will make whatever efforts are needed to put themselves out there, meet new people, become more socially calibrated, develop a little charisma and meet someone they can have a functional relationship with. It is not just about Starting Over from a previous relationship, it may very well be about completely Starting Over and learning to have a life with passion. For those of you starting over, here is something to keep in mind: One of the Frank Secrets of Success is that you do not wait to “feel like it” before you do it. You do it, whether or not you feel like it. That means if you have the choice of staying home or going out to meet people, you Get-Out-There even if you don’t feel like going anywhere. Staying at home and feeling sorry for yourself will keep you at home feeling sorry for yourself. This could also mean to start letting your friends and family know that you are ready and open to meeting someone, and giving any potential partner introduced to you the opportunity of at least one date to sweep you off your feet, regardless if your first impression of that person is less than exciting. One date does not make a relationship, and the sooner you get out there and discover new people, the sooner you will meet a future soul mate. If the date goes nowhere, no worries! You got out there, likely learned something new about yourself and hopefully had a little fun in the process.I have had some bad V-days and some good V-days. The most horrible was the V-day that I lost one of my most serious long-term partners, which cut me deeply. However, one of the more intriguing V-days was the one that hosted my first venture into a Fetish Night Club. I was alone at the time (having my lover end it with me over the phone) and figured that I had a choice. I could stay home and sulk, or head out and try something new. So I made a firm choice to try something new and educated myself about a different lifestyle. Am I suggesting that you all go to a Fetish Night Club? Nope. What I am suggesting is that if there is something that you have been meaning to try, the transition period of starting over is a great time to try it. That does not mean you will automatically find what you are looking for. In fact, all you may find out is that those things that you thought you were interested in aren’t really all that you had hoped. If nothing else it could be an exercise in the process of elimination about what you do and do not actually like. However, even that kind of process is still a step forward and it means that you will be a step closer to finding the real you. When you find the real you, then finding your relationship true, will be a result of paying your self-discovery dues. I wish you all an emotionally healthy V-day recovery!Frank Kermit, ND is a NaturoTherapist/Relationship Coach covered under naturopath insurance plans. He is a best selling author, educator, relationship columnist for The West End Times Newspaper and also appears regularly on the CJAD 800 AM radio program Passion. Come out and meet Frank in person at Frank’s weekly relationship workshops offered most Saturday nights from 7pm to 9pm.
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