A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi. So I met this guy online about 3.5 years ago. Both of our profiles said looking for a serious relationship. We corresponded via email for a couple of months and then dated for about 4 months. I am a single mom and at the time I worked 2 jobs. One of which was very demanding and long hours. We would go to the movies or he would come over and watch a movie on the weekends kids were gone. My full-time job sometimes entailed long hours driving and in not the greatest neighborhoods. He would drive around with me as much as he could to ensure safety etc. Occasionally there was an hour between full time job and part time job. He would come to the parking lot of my part time job and just hang out and talk until it was time to work. we talked on the phone etc. To make a long story short, it was wonderful. I fell for him hook line and sinker. Then out of the blue he started standing me up, not replying to messages and essentially disappeared into the distance. I am not proud to admit it but I was hurt and wrote a few emails trying to get an explanation and I guess trying to get him to change his mind. It sounds funny but I was in love with him by this point. He finally replied after about 3 months. We started being and continued being friends via email. We would meet occasionally for breakfast but nothing physical except for a quick kiss and a hug. About a year of this, he said wanted to see me. I guess it was a booty call. We hung out 3 or 4 times. I never got over him. We went back to the emailing and about another year went by and history repeated itself. Okay so that is the history in a nutshell. So now for the modern issue. So in March of this year, we were chatting online and I asked him if he wanted to do something with me for my birthday.We ended up going to a movie and hung out afterwards. In the morning, he mentioned that the sister of a friend from high school found him on Face book. He is from CO and she lives in his home town. In April, during one of our chats he mentioned that she wanted him to come out and see her but he didn't really want to go. Stupid me encouraged him to go.The first time he went, he got really sick and she took care of him. The next time he went he said he really liked her. I was a bit jealous and upset. He said that we could still hang out we just couldn't do anything. I told him that was fine as long as we could still be friends. He came over and I sat as far away as possible to avoid temptation. we were catching up talking about the family. He made the first move and that was that. He told me he felt guilty and that doesn't cheat etc. He goes to see her in CO the next week. I then notice his facebook status changes to in a relationship with " " I about died. He came home and told me that he still wanted to be friends and he no longer felt guilty about us sleeping together. Fast forward to now. For the past few months we text daily unless he is in CO or she is here. He tells me that he misses my text etc. I work graveyard so We "hang out" on the weekends. My children are older so they are usually out on the weekends. It is really hard for me because whether anyone believes it or not, I did fall in love with him. I believe I kept in touch with him because I thought that if we stayed in touch that one day he would give us a second chance to get it right. I have told him how much I love and care for him. I have been there. He was in CO in July and said wanted to come home but didn't have the money for the return ticket and asked if I could help him out. It was $50 only so said yes. This in itself was a big surprise since the whole time we dated, if he didn't have any money, he refused to let me pay and we would find something free to do like go to a park etc. A couple of times his phone was down because still out of work and it is a pre-paid one. he said he missed texting me and I missed texting him so was a bit selfish and paid the bill so could talk to him. I am an emotionally sensitive person. I don't have a problem with and usually do ask him a lot of questions and I wear my heart on my sleeve. His birthday was a couple of days ago. He said that I could take him out. Oops! change of plans, she came here. I feel confused. I can't seem to muster up the courage to let him go. I try to go as long as possible. I have lasted about a week maybe 2 and then I start to miss him. The girlfriend in CO says he is the love of her life etc. She has at least gotten to meet family and friends which I have not. He said in the very very beginning that he wanted me to but never got the chance. I want to tell her but know that would essentially end out relationship for good and most likely she would forgive him and carry on and I would be without him in my life which I am not sure if I can handle.When they are together, I don't text him. I am sorry this is so long. Felt I needed to give a bit of history. So should I tell her and end the friendship. Or just suck it up and see what happens. I think personally that he is a bit commitment shy and having me here and her there means he doesn't really have to commit even though His status says in a relationship. Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe actually lives in the same city that I do. He is in a relationship with her but she lives in Colorado and he lives here. He flies down to see her occasionally or she flies here. Thank you for your advise. My friend told me the same thing yesterday.
A
female
reader, fisch777 +, writes (7 November 2010):
The whole thing sounds fishy to me. It's almost like he's living a double life. He goes home to the "family" and then on weekend or what not he fly's out to spend it with you. And that fact that he is willing to cheat says a lot. I'm sorry but I wouldn't allow myself to be disrespected that way. He obviously doesn't care that much about you or her or he wouldn't be doing that. My vote would be to move on. You can either tell her or not, really doesn't matter. But I would not answer his calls or text and would look for someone that will respect and love you and ONLY you.
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