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anonymous
writes: I've been going out with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years (I'm 17). The problem is lately I've become really insecure and every time my boyfriend mentions another girl I think he wants to go off with her. It's getting ridiculous. I am constantly going in moods with him. I think I may be insecure and I have talked to him about this. He understands but I'm not sure how to stop feeling so insecure. Please help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): I think it's normal to feel insecure sometimes, we all have our not so good moments.I often feel insecure about myself because I have a gorgeous boyfriend who I know has been with beautiful girls and so many girls know him it just makes me uneasy. If it wasn't for him being so sensitive to me, doing little and big things to make me see how much he values me and loves me, I would probably go insane and let my insecurities ruin a really good thing we have going. All this to say, I truely think if your boyfriend loves you and wants to be with you he will make you feel worthy and boost your confidence in every way he can. He will stop what bothers you and make it obvious he adores you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2007): I'm insecure and possessive of my boyfriend, now fiance. The main reason is because I met him through my friend, who had a tendency to divulge the gory details of their sex life. Now that I'm with him, he says that she was a mistake, that he could barely get it up etc I accepted that, but then there were other ex gf's... I found chat logs after he promised he wouldn't keep in contact... I feel sick whenever I think about the things he used to say in the beginning to make me jealous, like 'Jennifer Love Hewitt is perfect', or he looks at another girl... I've told him this and he reassures me 'I only have eyes for you -- everybody else is a object... and even if something looks good, I am not romantically or sexually attracted to it'... but it's not enough, it's like this insecurity is insatiable. IF my boyfriend ever said "she's ok looking, she's cute" about another girl, and he meant it, I would probably be bent over the toilet with nausea. I hate it! I just wish I didn't feel like this. Once out of utter anger he said 'if you don't take care of yourself, i WILL look at other girls'... I can't even put into words how I felt... I just bawled my eyes out and couldn't breathe. It was horrible, and I will never forget it. He said he didn't mean it about 50 times since then, that he was angry, that he wanted to say something that he knew would affect me to get his point across... but it did nothing. I just set off dieting, dyed my hair blonde, got alot of new lingerie, new make-up, more confidence... then I hated myself because why did he like how I looked like that? Like those stupid girls on TV? After he said he'd never go out with a Barbie doll, because they're so plain? Bah...All I know is that these feelings are out of my control...I can't...I really can't stop myself.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2007): facing the same prob here though i've been wif my bf for one and a half years... he has many good female friends and gets along quite well with girls. we've had big fights because i thought that whenever he mentioned something positive abt other girls i wld feel bad cos he seldom says nice things abt me.
i get into moods too and we almost broke up recently cos of my jealousy and low confidence in the relationship.
ultimately u have to decide how much of the insecurity is due to ur own feelings that have nothing to do with him. or if ur feelings are justified.
for me, i feel that mine are and we're still thinking thru the relationship...
seeing that u posted in 2005, i hope u're at a better place in ur life now... with or without ur bf... all the best! :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2007): hi,recently i have become very insecure about things. i am 17 and have been with my boyfriend nearly 2 years. although we have liked each other since we were 13. we really love each other. one day we wer chatting and he mentioned a girl who used to fancy him but they did not go out with each other and he says he did not like her in that way he just thought she was good looking, and i do trust him, its just that i am so jelous to think that he looked at another girl. even though this whole time i know he only wanted me and nothing happend. i cant stop thinking about it. can someone help?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2007): Hi i have been having a nightmare with my fella and snopping on his phone as a result we nearly split up as i was so insecure jumped to conclusions and looked like a paranoid bunny burner, I have learnt my lesson. Dont snop. He wouldnt like some of the messages on my phone im sure, so why am i crying and fretting hes having affairs left right and centre over a couple of friendly texts, cause ive beenr educed to a mad woman that why, its called love, the thing is girls being paranoid is the fastest way to get a man to leave you so STOP It now before you mess things up. Im amzxed my bf hasnt dumped me after 4 days of crying and being a silly cow. If he didnt love u he wouldnt be with u would he. Hope this helps.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2007): I am 33 and go through the same thing. I have to agree with the person who stated that when you are in love, we do crazy things...I have went as far as snooped in my b-friend's phone, I found some text messages between him and some female friends that I wasn't too thrilled about, long story short, it ended up being nothing. That one thing sent me into a frenzy and led me to check his phone logs etc...It was crazy...but, I have decided to find me a hobby to keep my mind occupied so that it won't wander about things that are not there. My b-friend made a pretty good point, he is here with me (we live together), that he shouldn't have to prove his love, that his actions should show me...Good luck ladies...I know this is difficult
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2007): hi i have the same problem only i think im worst my boyfriend & i are going on to 2years we both attend university together. The thing is that we both have insecurity issues but hes far more insecure than i am the only problem is that it's rubbed off on to me. That i kinda feel so bad. I mean at first we were okay but now i get so insecure that it's just silly. Take for example, i dont like watching music video clips because he likes a lot of hip hop music that i get really uncomfortable about it and he feels the same way with guys but i think its much worse for girls because girls sells nowadays in the media. Apart from that whenever i see pretty girls around i get insecure especially when im with him. I need help any suggestions please
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2005): omg i know exactly how you feel.
my boyfriend and i have been together for over a year.
but its not just I whose insecure... its both of us!
i think the best thing to do is just talk it out.
thats what we did.
of course its not going to change in the first day.
but it eventually does.
dont let it get to you if he says something about another girl.
if hes been with you for TWO years then he'd be a fool to throw that away :-]]]
3 julie.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2005): I am 27 and still the same, I know its hard, try and explain that you don't like it when he talks about other girls and see if he understands how you feel. It is really difficult for guys to understand after all its men for you, but as long as he reassures you that you are the only real woman in his life, it should ease the situation. If you split now, regardless to any other woman, you might find that deep down, you were the one he really desired for no one else, dont let words/comments about other women affect you. If you fall out over it and find this out it maybe too late.Men like to brag and LOOK at what they cant have, but I know from experience that they do look at what they do have and thats what counts in the end. x
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A reader, carrie, writes (7 March 2005): dont worry, i think if he really wanted to go off to another girl he would have done it already, this obviously shows that he really like you and that he feels confident in speaking about other girls to you because he thinks you trust him. think about it, if your boyfriend was cheating on you he would n't dare mention the girls name to hide any suspision about her... i think that you both need to talk and just tell him all your feelings and he'll understand. If he really cares about you, and you tell him that your not happy, he won't do it anymore. 2 years is a really long time, why is there any reason to break up? there isn't. you ve fallen in love with him and your just scared to lose him; that's why you're insecure. You are probably imagining things, and i bet he's not cheating and doesn't intend to... girls think and do crazy things when they are in love.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (7 March 2005):
 I wonder why it is just lately that you have been feeling so insecure. You have been with your boyfriend for almost two years. Did you ever feel this way before? Has something happened to make you feel this way now? You say he understands. What does he say to you? He needs to reassure you of how he feels and what he thinks of you and your relationship. Ask him this; what does he feel about you, what does he love about you and is he interested in anyone else. Tell him that are having a few self-esteem issues and that you feel lacking in confidence which is why you are worried that you are going to loose him. Hopefully, he will reassure you that he doesn't want anyone else.In the meantime, think about building your confidence elsewhere. Why not meet up with your friends and go out more? Join a group and do things outisde the relationship that you really want to do. Try to change your main focus from your boyfriend to your life that happens to include him.I hope this helps.
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