A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:When will i be ok. Im single with a child. My ex left me. I am trying to move on but im so full of hurt and resentment. I have trust issues and baggage because of the way my previous relationship ended. I wonder who would want me. My self esteem is shatterd. I neva go out much. Im depressed and sad all the time. My family fell apart. How can i be ok with that. How do i trust again. I have a child wich wuld make a future relationship difficult for various reasons. I hav a lot ov baggage. How do i heal, im so lost and im so down on myself. Any words of encouragement would be appreciated.
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depressed, move on, my ex, self esteem Reply to this Question
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female
reader, hannita09  +, writes (6 May 2009):
 Well i can relate to that when my lil girl was just 6 months old and her father was deported i was a mess and depressed! Just depends on you, if you relationship with him was good or bad! I mean to me it sounds like this person put you down and made you feel that no one would want you, Why would you feel that way? I felt the same that no one would want me. my ex would tell me that i needed him and tell me stuff to make my self- esteem low!But once i started getting out and noticed that other guys paid attention to me then i realized that my ex was just trying to hold me back! You need to keep yourself occupied and be around things that make you happy, it'll pass be strong for ur child
A
male
reader, zyto +, writes (5 May 2009):
 darrlin you think it cant get any worse bull shit when im down everything kiks me when im down thers onley one way to deal with it and thats just deal with it im in a worse pos than you i bet take care well trylol
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2009): If you think negatively about yourself, then others will too.
When you look at people who really are confident and proud of themselves, it's interesting to note how so many people flock to them. They find them great and popular because of their attitude. It is largely about attitude.
If you're down and sad, and your puffy-eyed from crying the night before because of the bad things that have happened, then they will be more reluctant to talk or relate with you. Humans are all about attitude.
As for your ex, I guarantee you he would be moving on with his life very quickly, and probably gets satisfaction about the fact you are so upset. Don't give him satisfaction! Why don't you make it like it doesn't affect you and that you are moving on with your life. In many ways it's pretending, but so what? The more you do it, the more you'll believe it, and then you'll start embracing that positive attitude. It would be great to see him suffer a bit since he is the one who bailed.
Be positive and confident. Don't let yourself get down. You only harm yourself. And no one feels sorry for you because they are too consumed with themselves. You get more attention when you're positive and showing that you're loving life. Go for it!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2009): Try and make a conscious effort to move away from 'negative dialogue' in your head to 'positive dialogue'. Read some motivational books about how to become successful, wealthy, or happy. These types of books are very uplifting. Watch lots of funny movies. My suggestions would be Johnny English, and any of the 80s flicks starring Goldy Hawn, Steve Martin, etc. Get 'Housesitter'. Also my Big Fat Greek Wedding is very very funny. Anything that will give you lots of laughs will increase your spirits. If you are watching the crap TV at home (such as Bones, CSI and all that), then no wonder you're feeling down. Surround yourself with funny people. Get Frasier episodes, and "Only Fools and Horses" is absolutely hilarious. This is a series as well and very, very, very funny. Highly recommended. Laughing is so important. Also, avoid alcohol. It seems like it helps, but it doesn't. It makes you more upset, anxious and down.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2009): Thankyou for you response, much appreciated.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2009): Life is a long journey. Not many things seem to 'go to plan', and sometimes it can seem like the whole world is crashing down on you. I know that you have been through a lot, and it is very difficult for you to pick yourself up and keep going. But the thing is, you're going to have to. No matter what happens in life, the earth keeps spinning and everyone else goes on with life regardless of whether you are hurting or not.My suggestion to you would be to start thinking about the good aspects of your life. First of all, you have a child. That's positive in itself. You are also young - if you've stated your age correctly, you are between 26 and 29 years of age. Now that's good too - it means you've got lots more life to enjoy.I suggest that you try and get a balance in life. First of all, I would suggest you start getting fit. Either join a gym (many have creches), or ask your mum to babysit for you while you do an hour of exercise each morning. You might even choose to go running with the pram. If you exercise, you tire yourself out, have endorphins flowing (they make you feel happy and relaxed), and you start looking really good as well! It's amazing what exercise does for your complexion. I would also suggest that you can go out with friends, either for a drink or a movie, 1 night per week. You will feel happier and more positive. You also increase your chances of meeting someone decent from 0% (by never going out) to 80%. As for the hurt and resentment, this will take a while to subside. If you can fill your life with plenty of things to do and lots of happy times, then you will feel better about yourself and this hurt and resentment will eventually disappear. You might meet someone and then you will feel better about everything. Just because you have a baby doesn't mean you will limit your chances at meeting someone nice. My sister had a young child and she met someone nice looking and decent who she is now engaged to.She remained positive and happy. This is the most important thing. This good attitude is also good for your child and your relationship with him/her. Also remember that there is always someone worse of. This might help you cope with the pain you are going through. I wish life could be filled with good only, but sometimes it takes weird twists and turns and challenges us enormously.
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