A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:HiI have been seeing someone for 2 months - we are both grown ups each with a young child only mine lives with me full time and his lives with him half the week.If his son gets his mum to call him up to stay or if he is being taken home from a teatime visit and the boy says he wants to stay the night - my bf will with no question let him. The ex is pregnant with someone elses child (also has a teenager from a previous relationsip) because my bf son is not the centre of attention my bf does not like it so will spoil/let the boy dictate and really-rules my bf life. Ok, so my daughter lives with me and bf drives (lives a 1 1/2 hour round trip drive to see me) does all the running I guess but is happy and falling in love with me he says. I may be blowing things out of proportion not jealous but maybe making a mountain out of a molehill here but...my bf runs his own business and works into the night most nights not able to see me. He said he would come and see me Tue but mon night said he has a lot of work on and will try but otherwise will see me wed (we never spend the night together due to circumstances with my daughter not seeing so much of her dad these days and I sleep on the sofa at his if his son is there this has only happened 5 nights in 2 months sleeping together-he is happy to kiss and cuddle although there are occasions where we do get close) He was dithering yesterday aft phoned to have a chat whilst he was doing paperwork said he may come but he has work on and I have to understand that there will be times when he has to get the work sorted as it is his livelihood. Then he phoned me late last night and said his son wanted to sleep at his when he took him home from his teatime visit. So the work did not get done-but there are time he cannot see me due to work needing to be done? He has talked of one day the 4 of us living together as he wants his son full time.I should put things into perspective and let the love grow slowly and enjoy time together but I am feeling a bit annoyed with him with working all the time and pandering to his sons every whim. I should think how he feels with my daughter being with me full time not one rule for one etc...I did make my own way to his on public transport at the weekend which took nearly 2 hours but I didn't mind as he does do all the running.Bf text this morning to say he thought I was offish with him on the phone and if there was a problem with 'us' to let him know. I text I was tired and I would see him this evening if he was still coming- he is coming he says and is happy with 'us'I lost my job and maybe have far too much time on my hands whereas he runs a business and has to be Daddy Boss and Boyfriend in that order.Hmmmm communication is the key lol
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm back venting my frustrations! lolI text him this morning to say I hope soon that he stays at mine now and again. My daughter asked if he stayed last night-she is ok with him being here. He text that he does not know what I mean by staying every week and that he is happy with the way things are at the moment. We have not spent a night together for about a month! Not like I am demanding his time!Last night he discussed with me his history and that he had been with a local woman for a few months and stayed with her a few times a week but she wanted him to stay every night and he ended it saying he was not happy with her and then told me he was not ready for a relationship then but is now with me. I am feeling a little jealous that he would spend nights with this woman whom he had no apparant feelings for and wont with me when he says he is falling in love with me???? Ok so it takes him 3/4 hour to get home whereas she lived 2 minutes away from his house also she drives whereas I do not. I spent an hour drafting a text to him venting what would have come across as jealousy and being demanding so just text back it is not a problem I am happy too. I am not happy though but am afraid if I kick off we wont work it out. (I also think that he is suffering from erectile dysfunction and is embarrassed by it)Last night he talked of spending Christmas together and having weekends away together of going abroad for a week together and of a future....I am wanting it all but I want it right now lol.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the reply - very sensible ideas..thanks.He came around this evening laden with gifts for me and my daughter as usual - he is so sweet and wanted to say hello to my daughter.He was a bit odd and shy so to speak with me. I said I was just tired last night and he said he did not sleep worrying if I did not want to be with him, said he is a grown up and if I do not want him then to tell him. I said I was just being moody. We had a lovely evening together chatting about an upcoming party at the weekend and about the future and our childhoods, so nice to get out of the house this sat (have a babysitter coming around) He stayed 3 hours and said he will see me Sat evening. His son stays tomorrow night and he will have a night to himself fri and a day bike riding for 'me time' not being dad boss or bf on sat before coming here early evening.We both said we love one another 'a little bit' and are happy together before he left. I could ask him to come and see me fri night but do not want to sound clingy or needy so will let him do his own thing. I have always rushed into things too quickly so this 'taking it easy' I guess should do me good.I can't really make a date night as his son at the moment he says is being clingy and if he needs his daddy he will be there for him and if he has a call out he has to keep the business going.(I don't know anything about his business to help but good idea)I feel better after my whinge on here lol and a visit from him. I can see how hurt he looked thinking I did not want to be with him after being abrupt on the phone to him last night.The only problem is...I am highly sexed and he thinks it is not all about sex, says I am beautiful and sexy and he has never known a woman who enjoys sex but it should be more about companianship???? I am 40 not bloody 60! lol Ok...thanks again for your sensible advice.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (13 October 2010):
 It is too early to predict how this relationship will work out but you seem keen, and so does he. If you have a future together then you need to organise a 'date night' once a week which cannot be broken by anything other than an emergency. If he is not prepared to commit to that then you should seriously question where this relationship is going. You have a right to be frustrated, but it sounds like he is just trying to be a good Dad and running a business takes up time. His son won't be a child forever and his dependency on Dad will ease with time (probably). Since you are not working, why don't you ask to help out with his business for free. It would be a gesture of how serious you are about building a future together.
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