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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend and I have been together for 1 year and three months. We have been living together for a little less than a year. Lately we have been having stupid fights and arguing. He recently told me that he is unhappy and not sure that he still wanted to try and make the relationship work. This devastated me because although I knew we were having problems I didn't think that we were on the verge of a break up. He then told me that he didn't want to break up because he doesn't want to lose me, but feels that it would be best if he moved out. He thinks that the reason we are fighting so much is because we are constantly in each other's space and if we had our own places then we could take a step back and maybe recapture the light hearted love that we used to have. My problem with his moving out is that it feels like it's a step backwards. I don't want to move backwards in my relationship. I asked him to try and work it out with me, but he says we have tried and it's time for something different. I just don't understand how it can work after we've lived together so long. I obviously can't force him to stay against his will, nor would I, but I'm devastated. I told him that I wasn't sure I could continue the relationship if he really chose to leave and he said that he still wanted to be with me, but he had his mind set on moving out and having his own space. He's going through a major career change right now and so I know there must be a million things running through his head in regards to that, but I feel sad and neglected now that he wants to leave. I don't know what to do...
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell, he came and got all of his things except his cds. he's officially moved into a new place with 3 other guys and i haven't heard from him in days. we had a long talk one night where he said i was still his best friend and even if we can't make it work romantically then he still wants to be friends. i think that's too hard for me right now though. i'm still very much in love with him and not ready to let him go. i took a trip this past weekend and tried calling him while i was away and he text messaged me and said to enjoy my weekend and we'd talk when i got back. i got back sunday and haven't called him. he hasn't called me either. i don't know if i should just give up. he knows i love him and want to be with him. i told him when we talked that i thought we could make it work, but he insisted that we fought too much and that everyone saw it... it feels like he's given up and doesn't think we have anything worth salvaging. i'm devastated as i really thought he was "the one"
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell, he came and got all of his things except his cds. he's officially moved into a new place with 3 other guys and i haven't heard from him in days. we had a long talk one night where he said i was still his best friend and even if we can't make it work romantically then he still wants to be friends. i think that's too hard for me right now though. i'm still very much in love with him and not ready to let him go. i took a trip this past weekend and tried calling him while i was away and he text messaged me and said to enjoy my weekend and we'd talk when i got back. i got back sunday and haven't called him. he hasn't called me either. i don't know if i should just give up. he knows i love him and want to be with him. i told him when we talked that i thought we could make it work, but he insisted that we fought too much and that everyone saw it... it feels like he's given up and doesn't think we have anything worth salvaging. i'm devastated as i really thought he was "the one"
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reader, tux  +, writes (28 March 2006):
 Here's the hard part. Give him time. Be patient. Here's a pretty good quote.. "Love is always patient and kind, it is never jealous. Love is never boastful nor conceited, it is never rude or selfish it does not take offense and is not resentful.Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins but delights in the truth, it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes." Just be patient but let him know you are still there for him without putting on too much pressure.. I would problaly just talk to his friends and just ask them how he's doing.. though stay away from asking what he has been doing.. just on how he has been feeling.. health.. and stuff.. But I wish you good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's only been a day and we've broken up...I asked him if while he was looking for a place to stay he could stay with friends because having him here at my home that we've been living in has just been too hard recently for both of us. He took it as me kicking him out, which was not my intention and i told him that my door was always open to him because i love him and want to be together. he's certain he wants to move into his own place, but he doesn't want anything to do with me for now. he's told mutual friends that he still wants to date me, yet tells me to let him have his space for now. so, here i am. waiting...
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reader, tux +, writes (27 March 2006):
Sometimes you need to take a step back to go forward. Do not worry about taking this step back in the relationship, worry more about the outcome of it.
A) It will work out and find out it *was* better to be living together.
B) It will fail and take a major step backwards and end the relationship which of course would really be a step forward. Here's why. It may seem strange thinking this, but it may be better for you to take this step because if it does fail it gives you the chance to move on rather than just wasting your time with him. I'm guessing at some point you'd like to get married or find someone you'd like to spend the rest of your life with which normally does entail living together. If you can't survive it now, how do you think you'd survive it in the future?
My advice would be to take this step backwards as your opportunity to see if this relationship has what it takes to really last.
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