A
male
age
41-50,
*JS
writes:Hey all,I need a reality check...I was with a girl from Sep 07 to May 09, living together... The good times were fantastic but I think she has some personality issues, unresolved anger, etc... that basically put me into a "fixing" her role and when we did fight, which was always her way of avoiding issues that I called her on, she would rage and leave me... During this time she was diagnosed with depression (bit of background, she was an illegal immigrant in Spain, unable to work and be "normal")... I do understand that during that time, her life must have been difficult but I did the best I could to look after her and she never wanted for anything. In the end I got blamed for everything including her being ill which cut me like a knife because I only ever wanted to be happy and did do a good job seeing as I was the only breadwinner.Anyways, in the end, she cheated on me... I didnt know this till way after she left me in May 09... I tried winning her back and then in November she got engaged to the guy she cheated on me, an ex of her living in New Zealand and they both flow back to Chile in February 10 to get married. I was heartbroken, devastated, etc... I also feared she was doing this to "run away" from issues... So her marriage has lasted a year, she is now separated. I found out through a mutual friend in casual conversation. She separated around the time of my birthday (??)The truth is, I still have feelings for her - but I know she is not good for me UNLESS she resolves her problems and baggage. I since have had tons of counselling and am in a much better place for it, but I still have feelings for her and I have felt since the day she left that we have unresolved business, I dont know how to explain it, I just have a deep down feeling that she will come back. Call it spirituality or whatever you will, I just know it.During our split, things got nasty between us, and we both blocked our emails, skype, facebook... I have no way of contacting her and she cant either... So, do you think that during mental illness we hurt the ones closest to us and make bad decisions and if so, should someone be given a second chance?Thank you for your advice
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2011): i agree with the Aunts: time to move on.
You need to make peace with what has happened.
you have had plenty of counselling.
time will heal and you are def in a better place.
whatever reason her marriage failed is of no concern to you: move on and DON'T LOOK BACK!!
LoveGirl
A
male
reader, BJS +, writes (4 July 2011):
BJS is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your answers, it puts thing into perspective.
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A
female
reader, hannah76  +, writes (3 July 2011):
 You want a reality check so i say get real and stop wondering about her. She moved on regardless of her divorce. You have no way of communicating, all those ties were cut long ago so if I were you I would let this all go.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2011): Yes, during mental illness we tend to hurt those that we love."The truth is, I still have feelings for her"You always will, that is good, but they need to be tempered by the reality of the relationship. She was in a bad place when she was with you, lots of shit happened, to you, and probably before you a lot of shit happened to her."I know she is not good for me UNLESS she resolves her problems and baggage. "Absolutely, so what you have to do now is the hard part, let her go and either do that, or destroy the next relationship she gets into, or destroy herself (figuratively or literally, whichever the case may be).Letting go, and moving on, and realizing that you cannot rescue her, is a big part of dealing with your side of the problem. You may never be able to see her again, the next time you see her she may be 70 years old and a grandmother with a happy family, or you may read about her in the newspaper after she kills herself.However, it will not be something you can fix that will change that, it is up to her. If she does fix it, she may need a fresh start, away from reminders of the past, to make it work at all.You are not a fresh start, you are the past, and the past is bad....but that isn't your fault.
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