A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met my girlfriend about 6 months ago. She just got out of a realtionship then about 2 months. She left the guy because of a disease. Ever since then she is been in contact with him. He calls her all the time and she likes talking to him. If she doesn't hear from him she gets worried and wants to know how is he doing? He is leaving the country and she really want to meet him before he leaves. When we talk together, almost 1/3 of our talk will be about him. She tellms that she loves me and she doesn't have any feelings about him but I am sure she does. I can tell she still likes him. what I am worried is that if it wasn't for the disease she would still be with him. I get jealous and tell her not to see him or talk to him.She promised me that she would not talk to him but she did it anyways ( i cought them b/c she wasn't going to tellme, and that was twice). If someone else(her family) or I talk something bad about him she jumps and protects him. Sometimes she keeps going on what they did together, what they talked about. When I get jealous she makes me feel guilty? But she is also very jealous type and she gets jealous when I talk to my female friends. If I menation my ex she will get mad yet she keeps doing it.Am I doing something wrong??Should I be in this realtionship?Please respond with your opinions
View related questions:
her ex, jealous, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2008): get out of the relationship, she is using you. you are a rebound guy. you will only hurt more down the road. get out now.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2008): You should take some time off. If she does love you then she will be willing to forget her ex. It seems that the only reason she is with you is to help her get over her ex
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2008): I think you should try talking about your ex more and see how that makes her feel. If that doesn't change than you should probably let her go because you deserve someone better.
...............................
A
female
reader, Midge  +, writes (12 March 2008):
 I was in a relationship once that was very much like this. The problem was, I was in her shoes. I was the one that couldnt let go of my ex. The difference was my ex was murdered and when I started dating again, he was all I could talk about. I didnt see that as being an issue.
She probably feels bad for him that he has this disease, but also feels that she cant be with him because he has the disease. Her having contact with him isnt an issue unless she wants more than just being a good friend.
I understand that you will feel jealous. Its an honest response to something like that. The question is, do you have anything to be jealous about? The only one that will be able to answer this question is her. You need to ask her directly how she feels about him. She may say that she is still in love with him, in which case, I suggest you call it a day. If she says that she just wants to be there as a friend and that she is not in love with him, then you need to explain to her how you feel. If she cant listen to that, then every opportunity you get, talk about your ex.
When she complains about you talking about your ex so much, then tell her, "Just giving you a little of your own medicine". I know I had to go through that and it was only when I had a little of my own medicine thrown back at me, then I only clicked as to what I was doing.
At that point I ended my relationship because I knew I was not over him, and needed to deal with my emotions before I could deal with a relationship. It did work and a few months later, I picked up my relationship where I left it. We were both happy!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2008): my dear hold on
i think all your girl friend need needs is time
of learning how to cope up with out the ex.
the reson why she still has interest in him may be that she truly loved him and because of the disease they had to part ways but the love remained. this attachment mighrt be hard to do away with all you have to do is to accept her as she is and guide her in what she does. help her get that attachment for you too as she had for the ex.
criticising her and beig strict will not help but send her away instead.
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (12 March 2008):
 It is easier to see the saw dust in your eyes than to see the plank in one's eye.
A camel cannot see its own hump.
One can see other's mistakes but cannot see their own.
You can mirror back her actions and let her feel what it is like.
She has too much baggage and if it is a burden , you can just stop carrying for her.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2008): Hi,
I have an ex, and we did remain friends for a year or two after our breakup. It was an emotional friendship at that point though. I think it was because we really were friends, and we had an established routine of talking to each other. I think the best thing you could do is to be gentle with him when you discuss it, not becoming whiny or hysterical. Of course it hurts, we want to be the ALL in their lives. The thing is, he does have a history.
I wish you luck.
...............................
|
