A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I have been dating this guy for a while. I have such strong feelings for him. He was with me during my pregnancy, labor and delivery, and is great with my baby as well. (the biological father left the picture while i was pregnant). I can't seem to convince myself to trust him no matter how hard I try. He cheated on me when we first started dating...he was supposedly drunk and felt bad about it. He told one of our good friends about it instead of me, and when their friendship went sour the friend filled me in. This happened after I had already found emails back and forth from him and some girl discussing sexual acts that they could perhaps one day do (which he claimed was a joke that him and his friends were doing), along with plenty of messages from other girls. I went out on a limb and gave him another chance. I don't feel that he has cheated on me since, he is with me everyday all the time. but he is soon to go back to his hometown for the holidays and I am really worried. A majority of the girls from the different messages were from his hometown, along with another girl that i had questioned him about before that he claimed was just a good friend that he had never had anything with....yet I found some old messages from him and her talking about getting married when he moves back home, etc. What am i supposed to think? Am I just being crazy jealous and insecure? I wanna trust him so bad but I can't help but think something will happen when he goes home...I can't keep him from seeing his family, and he doesn't want me to go home with him. He didn't even say he wanted me to go home with after I told him how I felt about all of this...even though if he went I would be here all alone for Chrismas. What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2008): You did say that you are with him all the time everyday. What do you do when he is working, it is very easy to talk, e-mail or text while you are working. Phone logs can be deleted off a cell phone and so can text messages. What he does at work you will never know. I have a friend that has got caught cheating, he just changed is game plan and does everything during working hours and always makes sure that his phone is clear of any history before he goes home. He does claim to love his wife and he stands by her but, he does hook up with an old girlfriend with text messages, e-mails, and phone calls during the day. He even sneaks off and sees her always during working hours, he always claims his disappearance as I was in a meeting.
I would be honest with him and express how you feel and ask him if you can go with him even if it for one day and go see for yourself.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIf this is something that happened in the past and you forgave him and gave him another chance, then you have to do just that. Give him the second chance. It sounds to me as if he is trying and you are still relying on old events. Doing that causes a hole in the relationship which will only be filled once you learn to forgive him and move on. When it comes to the Christmas problem, maybe he just needs some time with his family.
Also, I noticed you were discussing him being with you through your pregnancy and labor, when he in fact is not actually the father. That says enough right there. It takes a man to step up and take care of his responsibilities, but when its not even his, it takes someone more than your average guy.
Well I hope my advice was useful and I wish you three the best
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A
female
reader, Lizzybeth01 +, writes (17 December 2008):
 Trust is one of the foundation blocks of a relationship. Without it how can a relationship function properly? If you can't even trust this man to go home for the holidays how are you going to trust him in your relationship? How can you trust him to be a steady influence on your child? It seems to me that you and this man don't have much of a relationship at all, if you had an open honest relationship you wouldn't be having this problem. Think long and hard about this situation and try looking at it from an objective point of view. Focus on your child and the impact that having this man present in your life with affect the child. Children bond very easily and I would have for your child to get it's heart broken if this man just decides to up and leave on day....Good Luck!
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