A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A while ago I got chatting to a guy I work with and we got close very quickly. We both had a crush on each other and both wanted more, well I did anyway. He made me send him photos, chatted about sex a lot and I did really like him. He knew I liked him, We met up for a chat and immediately after the chat face to face , he told me it wasn't a good idea chatting and that he had a girlfriend and a baby, So I understandably felt really embarrassed and backed off , because of what I'd done,, He still chatted to me as a friend and said he wanted to stay friends. Slowly we stopped talking less, now we don't talk at all, which made me feel used and angry. He was in my workplace the other day and I caught him looking at me a lot. Well I thought it was me, turns out he is now chatting to my younger and prettier assistant who sits next to me . I'm obviously jealous as I really liked this man, but I want to warn her away from him somehow without making it obvious to the whole workplace that he was having an "affair". How do I warn her off? She is a lovely person who hasn't had luck with men and he is an arrogant player. I don't want her to feel as sad as I felt. Or is it best for me to stay away and let this happen?
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affair, crush, I work with, jealous, player, workplace Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (4 September 2014):
I think you should just stay away from the whole situation.
I'm sorry this a--hole messed with your head.
Good Luck!
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (3 September 2014):
 My gut tells me that if you stay out of it andshe gets hurt, she'll learn from it but if you get involved and it works out OK, she''l hold it against you. I keep quiet myself.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (3 September 2014):
 I'd ask him (in front of her) How is your baby and your GF doing? That way you tell her, without telling her.
If she can't take that hint, she is denser than concrete.
Since he has "naughty" pics of you I'd be careful with getting into too much drama. You never know who he might mail those too, but asking him about his baby and GF/wife is fair game.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2014): You should tell her he is married but leave the rest up to her.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (3 September 2014):
I would definitely say something but don't make it overtly secretive or bitchy or dictatorial. Don't make it all about his failings but admit that you hard a part in it as well.
I would just slip it into conversation somewhere. The convo would probably go something like this..
"Bill seems quite keen on you" (let her reply)
"He's a very charming guy, isn't he? (pause but don't let her reply) "Yes, I remember when I first met him... I was really taken with him and he seemed very keen on me too but then I find out he has a wife and a baby. (pause briefly) Thinking about it, he really lead me on - but then again I was stupid enough to be lead. But never mind, life goes on, lesson learned, no hard feelings" (even if you do).
And just leave it at that. If she continues to flirt with him then that's her problem - she'll know that he's married and it's her problem then. Ands she may be more able to take his flirtations with a pinch of salt than you were.
That's what I'd do...
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (3 September 2014):
 Hi, send her an anonymous email. If you tell her directly, it would come off as you being jealous and he would also turn things around and say that you are just bitter because he did not want more than friendship. I don't think there is any more you do.
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