A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay, I'm in need of a few opinions here, to let help me make a decision.Not too long ago I got back in touch with a guy I used to be involved with, just seeing each other but for some reason I cannot even recall now, I ended it and terminated our friendship believing I would never speak to him again, done and dusted and all in the past.However, almost a year later I saw him on a night out and we got talking again. I apologised for everything and started speaking on an almost regular basis since, my intentions nothing but friendship...the same with him.I returned home for the summer this year and almost immediately he contacted me and we arranged to meet up for a catch up on a night out which we did and before I knew it, we were seeing each other two, three times a week every week without fail as well as when out with our respective friends at the weekends. We got on like a house on fire and got to know each other properly, a luxury we never had the first time around due to timing.Since then we have been really good friends, I trust him whole-heartedly and I think he trusts me as much - telling me things about him, showing me things he told me he wouldn't dream of showing anyone under normal circumstances.I realised my feelings for him had returned about mid-way through the summer but because I had to return to University, miles away from where he would be at his University, I kept quiet about it. Some weeks later he confessed that he felt for me the same and I chose that as the time to tell him his feelings were reciprocated. It was difficult when we left for Uni, choosing to ignore each other to get over the other to make it easier in the long run, even suggesting we never see each other again. But this has proved an impossible task and we still talk every week as much as we can, even sitting on the phone for as much as five hours at a time.Now, I miss him a hell of a lot but I know I can't do long distance so well. I can't get over him and really want to be with him but I don't know what to do.I am not the kind of person who would just openly admit their feelings whereas he is. However, some other girl has taken an interest in him recently and he is going along with it for a bit of fun. This is hurting me so much and I can't tell him. My only assurance is that she has a boyfriend so obviously won't be able to pursue him properly and he wouldn't allow her to cheat on him.My concern has been brought on by her mentioning to him that her relationship is almost over with her boyfriend and this has not only worried me, but him too. The whole shenanigan has acted as a bit of a wake up call for me, letting me know that if something is going to be done about us, I have to do it soon or I will lose him.He is coming to see me soon at University, a visit we hoped to avoid in case it was too difficult but have found it near impossible to ignore, and I don't know whether I should say anything about how I am still feeling. Is this worth pursuing? Should I just leave it? My friends think it is worth telling him, seeing how we are together and saying that we really click, understand each other and for both of us, as characters like we are, that rarely happens. This is the second time this has happened and timing, distance etc has prevented anything more from happening beyond admitting our feelings.Basically, what I need your help with is as to what should be my next move? Do I wait for him until it is the right time for both of us or do I give up on him in case we do get over each other and it has all been in vain? Does this sound like something that should be pursued?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2008): Speak to him about your fears. It's best to be open, as the rest of the relationship sounds good. He could be concerned about the girl as a friend or be worried in case once she has no boyfriend she wants him. Doesn't sound like he would welcome this. But you need to be clear with each other and have done really well in other respects with this.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2008): I went through this with my girl, for 4 years. you have to tell him your feelings..otherwise he is just going to go with the other girl.. goodluck!
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