A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I'm new to this community and I just want to thank everyone who reads this! So, for the last 2years I've been simply experiencing phisical relationships with other people and 6 months ago I meet someone with whom I really could picture a future with (Let's call him D). We went out one time and I really felt the date went really great: We share alot of things in common; there were some flirty moments; his inocent personality matched mine; he waited with me for my bus to come; he told me how many kids he was planning to have. I even asked if he had fun, his answer was "I think I had fun" Not sure if it's a positive response, but he's kinda awkward in terms of personality.After that, I asked him out by text, he was unsure if he could make it and 2hours after our scheduled date he cancelled and said he would "make it up for me"... But since that we haven't talk again.Now here's a few things you must know about him:1. He's not a quick texter;2. Back then he was a master degree student (I suppose he's done with university) and he was always oh-so-busy;3. He had finished a long term relationship recently and told me he "wanted to have fun" in one of our texts;3. he often replies to my questions, but doesn't have any initiative when it comes to start a conversation nor continues the conversation if he doesn't have a question to reply to.All this made me think: that either a) he didn't like me the way I did or b) he was in fact very busy. I started the conversation 3 times, after our 1st date and in all those times the conversation lasted for a couple days. I figured he wasn't just that into me and decided to continue my life. Again I started seing other people, with whom I had nothing meaningful. and a month ago I meet other person that for some reason reminded me of D, but he's just not him... Since that, I've been craving to talk to D again. But I'm just too afraid of being ignored or to pass the idea that I'm a naggy person. And now I'm searching for an impartial reply to the question: Should I talk to him again?P.s. Not am english native speaker sorry for any mistakes.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2017): You're getting a rare third male-opinion!
Do people understand the concept of "casual-dating?"
It's when you go out with someone and you enjoy each others company. No strings attached, no heavy expectations, and no worries. You just enjoy a night out together. You don't have to expect another date. It was just a trial-connection to explore the possibilities.
If no chemistry is ignited (it has to be mutual, not just one of you); then you simply move on. He just wanted to have fun? It could also be interpreted as, he just wanted sex.
Having a one-way conversation is the definition for talking to yourself! You have to carry the conversation, while he sits there like a big wart on your toe!
Review all the things you listed about him, 1-4! You listed 3 twice, but I know what you meant.
You must learn to expect to receive in return what you give.
If a guy doesn't show you the same level of enthusiasm as you feel about him, he's not that into you.
Don't use sex as bait, a way to break the ice, or some way to get men to notice you. You did say you were experiencing physical-relationships. Not before you develop some understanding of how to deal with men and how we behave. Develop your social-skills; and use your head, not just your body.
You have to work on interacting with men on more of a mental or intellectual-level. D may not have been the only one who was awkward on that date. You may not have been that great at communicating with him. So he wasn't sure about you, or how to connect with you. Being awkward himself, it was just a bad match.
Toss him on the reject pile! For reasons #1 through #3+3!
You went out just one time?!! Then how do you figure a future with him? Raise your standards and expand your criteria, girlfriend!
To you and other young women reading this.
Please, please, please stop getting all googly-eyed and sappy; because some guy says he wants children. He could be talking a decade down the road; and it doesn't necessarily mean with you! The first date is too early to be talking about something so deep!
Guys may talk about marriage and kids on a date; but just assume they mean it five years down the road.
It's usually sweet-talk to soften you up, and prime you to get sex. Thinking you've found someone who wants to settle-down. That is rarely the case. That explains why he has so little to say. He had other things on his mind.
Talk of kids on a first-date is nothing but a pile of bull poop! Pure doggie-dookie! Absorb this advice into your young inexperienced brain! Having things in-common is also the reason for making friends!
Talk of kids and long-term relationships comes several dates later; and once you actually know whom you're spending all your time with. He's a stranger, and he will tell you whatever you want to hear until such time. Your feelings are being rolled like dice, betting on him being who he says he is. Let him prove himself over time by his actions. Look for the red-flags. You saw several, and you're dismissing them!
Girlfriend, don't be silly!
Further down in your post, you gave several good reasons why you shouldn't bother contacting him anymore. Your conclusion that he's not that into you seems pretty much on-target.
You've met someone. Try focusing on the one you're with. I think the female-ego is just uncomfortable with the fact D didn't make a big deal out of that date. You liked him, but he may not have liked you as much.
Nobody cancels on me two hours after standing me up! That's insulting, disrespectful, and ballsie! The nerve! He'll make it up to you??? My response? Dude, don't even bother! Lose my number!!! It's not likely he wants to make it up. It's beneath your dignity to allow him another chance to insult you.
If I may be bluntly honest. (That's how I roll!) He seems like a total dingbat to me. He gives you that half-assed response about your date. He "thinks" he had fun? That was a stupid response. I should give him a back-handed smack for y you! How dare he!
Write D (for dick!) off as just a casual-date for companionship. Don't bother to squeeze another date out of that jerk. He missed the bus!
I don't think you're really that into him, you just needed his approval or validation; because he came across so nonchalant and he bruised your ego. His response was too flippant. You feel you need to try again; as if you need to impress that knucklehead. Sweetie, don't even waste your time!
Now lets talk about the new-guy! Pace your feelings. Get to know the guy you're connecting with for now. Don't set your expectations too far in advance. Take it one day at a time.
Let D lie steaming on the top of the stinky reject-pile!
My best to you, sweetheart!
A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (4 December 2017):
 I think the fact that he stated he wants to have fun and that he can't hold a conversation shows he's not that into you.
If he really was interested he would make it shown. I think it sounds like he wants casual hook ups and it doesn't seem from your post that's what you're looking for so I'd just let this one die out and get onto the next guy.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (4 December 2017):
 No, he's not that interested and probably too busy too - which amounts to the same thing. As for still wanting him, well perhaps there is a little bit of not being able to have something that is making you keener.
By the way, if I were you I wouldn't use sex to get friendships. You say you have been experiencing physical relationships with other people. Well, what's that all about? You are making yourself into an easy lay and it will get you a reputation - which will stick - and will be remembered, even after you leave college.
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A
female
reader, JaneSmith2014 +, writes (4 December 2017):
Maybe I am being a bit brash, but casually ask him out once again. If he obliges why not confess your feelings for him. It's better than being in that confused state where you don't know how he thinks of you and you still are not able to let go of him. If he rejects you outright, you might feel hurt in the short run. But going by what you are saying, you don't know him too well either. I am sure once you come to terms with the rejection quickly and move on to the guy of your choice you will surely forget D (you have not yet met one which is probably why you feel that D is still attractive). Else if he accepts your feelings and agrees to see you then this would be a good chance for your to get to know him quickly before making any kind of long term emotional investment into him. Either ways these strategies in my opinion are better than waiting to be friend-zoned by him or being forgotten by him and regretting later. Hope this helps. All the best :)
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