A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:ok so i need help. I went through my husbands phone, i know it was wrong, but i looked in his history of his internet on there and found that he had an account with ashley madison ( for those of you who don't know what it is it is an online community were married people go to have an affair) When i contfronted him he said he was bored at work ( he is a tow truck driver) and he heard the commercial and was curious and the only way to see exactly what it was was to create an account. he was calm and said that if he wanted to cheat would he have taken me back?a few weeks ago we have had a seperation because we werent getting along and i left for a couple days and then we decided to work it out. i don't know if i should trust that he was curious or if i should just let it go. We don't have a credit card so he wouldn't be able to get his profile on there other then a guest. I need advice please help me
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): Hi..it's obvious you don't trust your husband. And I'm thinking you haven't trusted him for awhile, long before you checked his phone. The recent separation and reconcilation tells me, there's a deeply rooted issues in this marriage that have caused your suspicious, untrusting attiude toward him. Right? So firstly, don't beat yourself up for checking his phone, hun. You and a couple million other suspicious wives do this very thing, every day. I am figuring that your keen instincts kicked in and you wanted to know.....is this guy cheating? Always believe in your instincts. Looking into a website which caters to 'married men who want to cheat' does kinda make you wonder, where the hell was his mindset was in the first place, to even go there. He says he was curious? Why not be curious about the weather? the latest trend in tow trucks models? the latest hitch and towing mechanisms? the newest beer on the market? what to get you for your birthday? I mean this husband of yours is an adult..he can 'choose' and control himself from thinking these very stupid, marriage-damaging thoughts like this, can't he? His strange curiousities, do speak loud and clear on how he invaded the domain of your marriage and crumbled the already shaky protective boundaries, here. You told him pointedly, what you found and made him own up, to what he did. But he came back at you with a weak excuse. If he wants to make this marriage work, he needs to have a 'we' way of thinking where you both share each other's life, instead of him hiding stuff and insisting on the 'me' aspect of secrets. When in a serious relationship like marriage, there is no such thing as 'me or MY' right to privacy--it becomes 'our' right to privacy. Too many couples just don't get that. This is the unselfish decent, openess that will keep the relationship's integrity and trust, solid as a rock. It's a team effort. So really, let's be real...spying did not damage this relationship. So don't t even think that way! It is an attempt to seek the truth and resolve the pain and deception, a partner is sensing and feeling. No matter the excuses he comes up with, hold fast onto your dignity here. Tell him you want the truth! Does he want to save this marriage or not? Because as it sits, right here and now....his actions are saying he doesn't give a hoot, and he's experiencing some 'marriage ending' thoughts isn't he. Tell him not to waste your life and waste your time...if he doesn't want to work at this marriage..tell him to go! If he does want to work at this and you want it too..then you both get into immediate marriage counseling. But the only way to resolve this, is to be strong and accept that the truth from him will provide a foundation from which you can begin resolving the hurt, the pain and forging a healthy direction, for yourself....so begin to treat yourself well. All your future happiness and solid sensible decisions will be based on loving yourself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you 2
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't know what to do. Because when he is working, he calls me all the time. I just don't understand. He said hes not doing anything on the site and after i told him yesterday that i went through his phone and he started explaning he was telling me about what kind of people were on there and he kind of laughed about how ridiculous they were. I don't know
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): please tell him curiosity killed the cat (meaning your marriage).
trust - what trust?? this man is playing you like a fool. you are young and smart please do not allow him to buu shit you. he is seeking loving elsewhere. you just caught him
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx  +, writes (20 April 2009):
 Omg!!! He shouldn't be trusted at all! If I was you I would make that separation permenant! X
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