A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been married for almost 28 years. I have always trusted him because and have never suspected him cheating on me. Lately he has upset me because of some of the things he has done. One example occurred several years ago when several of his friends had a big rodeo cookoff. We live in Oklahoma so these types of cookouts are common. This cookout was a weekend thing requiring him to take our travel trailer for the weekend and stay over both nights. There is always alcohol at these cookoffs and my husband loves a good time. I found out a few days later that he along with a few friends (all drinking) stayed the weekend in the travel trailer with a girl. Although he says nothing happened he feels I should trust him and there was nothing wrong with that. I feel like he should respect me more than to put himself in a situation like that. At the time we did not live far ftom this event nor did she. (Less than a mile) she also works with my husband. He tells me that I should trust him . Recently he stayed the night again with 2 single girls in a beach house with another couple. He doesn't see anything wrong with this and says I'm the one who is crazy for thinking they way I do. Although I don't think he would cheat on me, there is always alcohol involved and I feel my husband is compromising our marriage. Anything can happen! My husband enjoys being social and I feel he would rather have fun than to consider what I think. Although he doesn't do this often he knows how it makes me feel and does it anyway. We have children and I feel this is not a good example for a good marriage. He feels I am crazy for thinking the way I do. Am I? Should I be okay with my husband staying the night from time to time where single women are staying also, even if others are around? Should I trust my husband and just let him enjoy his good time? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2012): I want to thank everyone for your replies! It has validated what I feel. One thing I left out of my original question was, I do go with him regularly. Even the two situations ( cookoff and beach house) I was there. I left the cookoff because I didn't want to stay in the trailer with men I didn't know even though my husband was staying, I went home around midnight. The beach house my boys and I were there. We had helped a neighbor and had worked all day. Went went home and he went to a party down the beach were there was dancing and a good party going one. He danced and had a good time while his family (me and his boys) were back home. He could have gone home with us! Instead he choose to stay because he wanted to go to the party! The next day I learn two single girls stay in the same beach house with my husband along with two other couples.He says I'm crazy because he would never cheat on me! I said, I never thought you would stay under the same roof either with single women! Especially when you like to drink and keep drinking! Thanks again for everyone's reply, it confirms I need my radar on!
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 October 2012):
 does not sit well with me....
why aren't YOU going too?
the key is this it's YOUR travel trailer. he stays in it and single women stay in it with him.
it's not like they all went to Vegas and got hotel rooms.
next weekend we have a huge event coming up... at a hotel. we are both going but if my husband was going alone, I would expect him to come home even if he's done at 3 am because we only live 1.5 miles from the hotel...
yeah your radar is going off because something is not quite right...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2012): No, he deffinitely shouldn't be going to sleepovers where there are unattached single women around in the same house overnight.
He is married , what is he doing anyway sleeping somewhere else, unless it's a an occasional staying over at a friend house after he had a few with no single females around.
Things happen, I went a year ago with my girlfriend, and she got drunk, I drove her to her house, but because it was early in a morning and I had a long drive home, I just stayed over. But there was no sinle guys around, her husband and her 3 kids, and her mother. And it happened once in a blue moon, and was unplanned.
No, he can't act like that, children or no children. He likes to party, then he can do it, when you are around or with his buddies, but no girls!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (25 October 2012):
 Here's the key phrase in your submittal: "...I feel he would rather have fun than to consider what I think."
IF you think he's fooling around.... then your "sixth sense" is likely correct (We men learn to HATE THAT about you women!!!!)... and he's doing things that aren't in your best interest...
Confront him again... and tell him that you'd like to join in the next time... IF/when he sez, "Oh, Baby, it's such a boring weekend. You wouldn't enjoy yourself." THEN you'll know what he's up to....
Good luck...
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A
male
reader, mdmaddox11 +, writes (25 October 2012):
No...there is always the possibilty that someone could cheat...even the best of us. Sounds as if he has some type of fantasies that he wants to explore and he is unable to tell you about it. I think that you should be patient and gather data. After you have gathered your information....decide how to handle whatever comes you way. Make sure that you are ready for whatever you find out...hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (25 October 2012):
 Hi
Why not just go with him and join in the fun?
Its clear it bothers you so if its a pretty frequent thing for him then you have to say something, not accuse, but just point out why it makes you feel uncomfortable and ask if he would not share cosy weekends with single females.If you know about it, he cant deny he does it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 October 2012):
 It seems iffy honestly.
Why don't YOU go to these events with him from time to time?
And as far as being a bad/good example for the kids. Yes a PARTY HARD attitude is kind of juvenile for someone in his 50's (I'm guessing 50's) on the other hand you don'[t have small/young children? And if you don't I don't really see the problem in having a bit of fun now and then. We all get older but that doesn't mean we can't have fun with friends.
The thing is.. THAT is how I see it. You obviously see it as inappropriate so yes, it needs to be discussed and you two NEED to find a compromise that will work for the BOTH of you. Maybe cut down on the overnight at friends houses? Maybe YOU could go with him at times?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2012): You are not wrong, it is inappropriate behavior for a married man. Would he like it if you were drunk & decided to spend the night with a few men? He needs to be more respectful of you & your feelings.
It's one thing to trust your husband & let him have a good time, but this is pushing it a bit on his part. Drunk people do not use the best judgement. How many times have you heard someone say "I had too much to drink & didn't know what I was doing"...
Good luck.
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